Aa
How Percocet Has Ruined My Life
I don't even know where to start.... Up until last year I had never even done a drug, now the list of drugs I haven't done is shorter then the ones I have. Actualy comming to this site & posting on it is a incredible step for me as my family has practically no idea - they just believe all the BS I feed them about past due bills and having no $ Etc.. - You know - That old chestnut.... I was completely independent until lovely Percocet 30 came into my life, That warm feeling a small peice gave me - how "in control" I felt of everything. Nothing could stop me & for $25 (NJ Street Price) I could feel like that all night. Combined with a few brewskis & a couple hits of exotic green n I dunno what else could top it. Then reality hit ----- Insuficient Funds, I lost my job, apartment, friends, EVERYTHING. I guess I have to say it -- I'm an addict - damn I never thought I'd ever have to say that cause it use to be completely different & I miss that life so much. The first time I ever did a jawn (slang for perks over this way) I was working PT undercover security for a National grocery store chain, the manager called me on the phone & asked if I could go grab some pills for him from our sister store. I said sure n he said yo I'll let you get one n you'll feel awesome yo. Well his plans fell through and he asked if I knew how to find drugs, within 10 mins I located a grimey Highschooler eager to make me his next client n I will never ever forget the words "They are awesome" so I order up 3 of these bad boys at a price of $75. They come in and I go to the managers office with em, manager is like yo cut that **** in half n cut that half in half n swallow it. AWESOME! yes best feeling of my life. I was instantly in love, except back then 1 pill lasted like 2 days. So every night we were on the same shift we bought jawns, it really wasn't a financial issue yet, I was hardly addicted. Then it became a financial issue -- one day (4/20) I was convinced into bumping a line of coke -- 15 minutes of my heart racing -- total waste -- dont see how anyone can be hooked on that, BUT that got me over my fear of sniffing things. That night I sniffed my first half of Percocet. AMAZING all over again. Halfs became wholes, wholes became 1.5's - 2, 2.5, 3 etc.... Then I got a loan n spent all $7500 on Percocet :( extremely embarrased. Anyway - now I have a job where I make over $40/hr and every week it lasts 1 day. horrible people I know. I use to be the kid that was the Fireman & EMT for the town. I was a corrections officer, I had company cars since 18. Now I sit @ the airport all night long just scheming for ways to make money or surfing the net on how to get off this devil. Its pretty bad when even the dealer calls them the devil. Im terified to tell my parents - both high school teachers. I don't want anything to do with Suboxone/subutex. I found these herbal detoxing methods on EHow.com Im scared to do anything - I wanna go to my Doc and tell him the truth but it seems everyone I tell the truth either runs and hides, disowns me, never talks to me again. Everyone whos played with this devil knows what happens next - the feeling of wanting to rip out of your skin, hours on the john, no sleep, the sniffles, no eating etc. Im 25, make 89,000/yr n have not 1 penny. I'm tired of it - I wanna be done with it but it is extremely hard. It has ruined my life - I dont care bout anything at all besides Percocet. Bills due?? O well I need money for jawns not bills - thats how my mind works. What the hell am I supposed to do??? I cant do this no more. I hate this **** so much. I can completely understand how people end up in jail, if driven by this devil anything can happen. This is the first time I have been completely honest with this situation. I'm sorry if it is taken harshly but anyone who has been where I am now knows exactly what I am talking about. I want my life back, I wanna wake up n not have to worry about where I'm gonna get $200 for jawns. I dont wanna have to owe hundreads to drug dealers. I want my credit score back in the 800's not chilling in the 4's. Any advice would be nice. I'll do anything about now. I hate everything about what I've done. The pill don't come with a disclaimer and unfortuneately where I live - enough $ gets a dirty doc to write you anything. Yes people that is what runs the Percocet empire. Camden is filled with everything - 1 stop shopping. Boy did I jump around, Im gonna try my hardest and I guess report back. All I can say is - pray for me people I need as many prayers as I can get. All advice is welcome too.
Hi Joey,
I'll pray for you. I'm in a similar boat as you. My pain mgmt people called today to have me come in for a drug count. I've been taking too many percocets and so I'm not going to go in to have them count, I've been knowing it's getting close to time to quitting because it's controlling my life. I do have genuine pain but the stupid things don't last very long so I take more and more and I'm so tired of trying to make it month to month and being a slave to this drug. I'm scared of the withdrawals. I have 34 pills left, I've confessed everything to my husband (I'm also taking xanax, ambien, morphine, gabapentin, muscle relaxors etc etc). So I'm with you brother, please pray for me too.
Jennifer
I'll pray for you. I'm in a similar boat as you. My pain mgmt people called today to have me come in for a drug count. I've been taking too many percocets and so I'm not going to go in to have them count, I've been knowing it's getting close to time to quitting because it's controlling my life. I do have genuine pain but the stupid things don't last very long so I take more and more and I'm so tired of trying to make it month to month and being a slave to this drug. I'm scared of the withdrawals. I have 34 pills left, I've confessed everything to my husband (I'm also taking xanax, ambien, morphine, gabapentin, muscle relaxors etc etc). So I'm with you brother, please pray for me too.
Jennifer
i know exactly how you feel. i am no different than you!! i had 90 days clean of a huge oxy problem. i would buy those same blue/green. i let all my bills go and lost my car. i know the shame and guilt etc. no other drug i know of has the same effect. those devil drugs made me work two jobs lol...one my real job..the second was the hustle of oxy...buying planning scoring snorting i completely get it.
im so proud of you for just stepping up to admit your an addict. when do you plan to stop? how do you plan on stopping? i know if your like me..i knew deep down inside i had a problem. but i never could stay clean for more than 5 days..in the end i never let myself rum out. i got 60 forty ers and 60 instant release oxy 15..and spent 1000 a month on streets buying planning 30s like your abusing. i was a complete junkie from the first time i snorted oxy. no other pill or coke or pot comes close.
this will be the hardest thing I've ever done. and the most rewarding. i even went to rehab. if you want to talk im here for you. no judging just support. glad your here....bama
im so proud of you for just stepping up to admit your an addict. when do you plan to stop? how do you plan on stopping? i know if your like me..i knew deep down inside i had a problem. but i never could stay clean for more than 5 days..in the end i never let myself rum out. i got 60 forty ers and 60 instant release oxy 15..and spent 1000 a month on streets buying planning 30s like your abusing. i was a complete junkie from the first time i snorted oxy. no other pill or coke or pot comes close.
this will be the hardest thing I've ever done. and the most rewarding. i even went to rehab. if you want to talk im here for you. no judging just support. glad your here....bama
and this drug is no better than coke in my eyes. there is nothing good fun or positive about oxycontin or oxcododne...nothing good about it. this drug should be banned. there are other choices...and what did my doctor write me for post op surgery....percasets. and what's the diff? nothing...except a lower dose and tylonol. why in the heck did he give me the same junk again? im so scared ill get sucked back in the dark vortex of oxy. i will pray for you. please pray for me.
Thank you very much guys! I see it does not take long for a response here! Well you asked how I plan on stopping - I have 2 perc30's left :( sad sad cuz that ain't nothing. But I guess what ill do is break em into halves n bump em till im out. Once im out (no worries it will not take long at all) I plan to do this 3 day detox I found on ehow it uses all fruit juices n olive oil - it don't look fun but what the hell. I look at it like this -- Jesus walked with that big *** cross, got spit on, crown of thorns n whatnot. Least I can do is endure some temporary discomfort because I wanted to have fun. Its my fault n no one elses, I let it happen n it happens so so quickly - don't it? Its like before u know it ur done for. I think a huge part of it is the people around u n unfortunately I will have to get rid of my drug friends :( :( boy I've had some good times. But time to be a big boy. My birthday is on the 20th n I wanna give myself the best present ever! I don't wanna be stuck no more. I don't wanna lie no more. I hate it, im tired of it. My dad is so suspicious its crazy. I wanna just scream it out but I just can't break my mothers heart. But everytime I get setup to stop I go grab a few more n say - next time. Well that's it this time is it. Every one is in my thoughts n prayers. Thank you all for your comments n love. --------Joe
Oh I 4got to mention ---I spend 800-1,000 a week n then overdraft my account as much as it will let me (usually 3-400) cuz us junkies don't give a Damn bout no $35 fee we just want our $$. I've sold mad jawns too. At one time I spent $1800 on 100jawns. Crazy! When I look at my year to date pay on my check I almost throw up cuz I can't find my money anywhere but my nostrils. N grrrrrrr am I mad. Aight my friends ill check back later. The prune juice fun starts when I get pd weds into Thurs gonna hold on with my 2 jawnies (A 215's) my absolute favorites as long as I can. But I see myself busting 1 out just thinking bout it. See yas later. ----Joe
what are your thoughts on na/aa ? i would recommend meetings and staying close to forum for awhile. even if you fall flat on your face and i have done that so much i don't have a nose lol. i think that if you go to meetings and participate in this forum you'll make it. on your own you might not. there's safety in numbers and also this is a safe place to talk about addiction. and also learn about addiction. we are here for one reason...to get clean and stay clean. im so upset because im not clean...i had another knee surgery. and this one is all kinds of crazy pain. so pray for me. i wanted to stay on a low dose of medicine...and the percs are not touching my pain...but ice is. good ole ice. please stop the oxy train now..it will only get worst. that i can promise. i can also promise that with determination and support you can get and stay clean. i went 90 days.
My thoughts on NA/AA are mixed, I am a only child, I am extremely shy (in person) n have had about 2 solid relationships so my whole sharing and speaking skills are a lil shaky. I guess its worth a shot, problem is I may run into some previous inmates from the jail I worked at -but o well no big deal. Honesty time -I just bumped my last half of perc 30, now in my mind I have made that my last 1. I did halves all day n not 1 whole jawn so hopefully that did a lil sumtin. Not like I was hurting just now I was on the phone with my lil broski (practically a lil bro but not related) n we were talking about how enoughs enough -sadly he got hooked following after me n it kills me every Damn day guys. Eddie -im sorry an I love u man n we'll do it lil man. But we were talking on the phone n I was just sitting here getting so pissed at the situation n how badly I just wanted to get it over with. I knew as long as I had any left that I had to finish it - so I did. N now I guess I savor the last bitterness of it. But Bama - I was thinking of some of your posts I read early this AM today - had ya in my thoughts. Im ready to be rid if this so badly, I don't care how hard its gonna be - I know with support, prayer, love, n determination I can do it. Thank you for your thoughts so far everyone! This is such a nice place where I can turn to for that solid rock. <3
hey man. You don't need to be outgoing or a good speaker to go to NA.
You don't have to talk..EVER. They will welcome you and you can sit and listen for a year if that's what you need to do. From reading your posts, you might just identify with the people in NA. I did. I've been going for a month, and I haven't said a word yet. They don't care. All you need is to want to stop using. That's it. Good luck.
You don't have to talk..EVER. They will welcome you and you can sit and listen for a year if that's what you need to do. From reading your posts, you might just identify with the people in NA. I did. I've been going for a month, and I haven't said a word yet. They don't care. All you need is to want to stop using. That's it. Good luck.
So. Its Wednesday night n I get paid in 4to hours n I can already feel myself climbing on the fence. Im being honest here. I really wanna go out n pick sum up but I really don't wanna too. I've gone the entire day without any of it n doing pretty good. I know I spoke of no suboxone but I do have a lil bit more then a half in my pocket - just in case because I can't be hurting @ work. I almost told my dad tonight -I but I didn't. Why does this seem impossible? It feels like a war is going on in my head n all. The worst part is ---I ran outta cigarettes just now so that makes the next 4-5 hours rough n Damn my dealer just texted me. The infamous question -- how many? I hate this.
I can see how ppl go insane.
I can see how ppl go insane.
Sounds familiar. Should I? Just this once. Maybe I can control it. Maybe it'll be different this time. You know the answer. You know where that takes you.
It's the same for all addicts. We know the answer. But can we win the battle?
I always lost in the end, when I gave in, when I answered my dealer's text.
It always took me back to the same place...hell. I choose not to go there today. Do you want to be clean more than you want to be high? You've made it this far...why not go one more hour? Is getting high worth the consequences? Is it? Instead of texting your dealer, why not call your dad.
Do something different. You mentioned insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insane. Make a different choice.
You will be so glad you did.
It's the same for all addicts. We know the answer. But can we win the battle?
I always lost in the end, when I gave in, when I answered my dealer's text.
It always took me back to the same place...hell. I choose not to go there today. Do you want to be clean more than you want to be high? You've made it this far...why not go one more hour? Is getting high worth the consequences? Is it? Instead of texting your dealer, why not call your dad.
Do something different. You mentioned insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insane. Make a different choice.
You will be so glad you did.
Joe, I'm a 54 yr old mother of four sons (two close to your age) who has recently detoxed from pain meds, methadone and Norco. I also consider myself a good judge of character and people. You are a talented writer, the best I've seen in the months since I began this journey. You need to get free of these chains, son. Copy and paste your post and send it to your parents. Tell them you want to go to rehab. Spend all that money on help! Your parents probably have insurance. You are so worth it, and since you've admitted that you have a problem, that's the hardest part in my opinion. Your parents would want you to go to them. I have no idea what their immediate reaction will be, but when the shock is over, there will be love and acceptance, and help. I can promise you that! You could go to rehab and get help so that your detox won't be so hellish. And, if you're in the right place, they could set you up with counseling and aftercare. YOU WANT THIS! You said you want this! You said, "I'm an addict!" That's the big step. Now take the next one. Tell your parents and ask for help! God Bless you sweet child. Do it!
Oh, and one more thing...your parents probably already know. Parents are smarter than kids think!
I can't believe that I found this forum, it sure has made the last hour or so much easier. I am on the 4th day of coming of suboxone and I don't know if the worst is over yet but I hope. Anyway your post got to me because I am 54 and low and behold I have 4 children, I got re-hooked on opiates after 2 knee replacements in the last year and I seriously think the withdrawl is magnified from when I went through this in my younger days.
Anyway what a great place to find! Thank You everyone who has had the guts to post their demons on here, you sure have given me incentive.
Anyway what a great place to find! Thank You everyone who has had the guts to post their demons on here, you sure have given me incentive.
I can't believe that I found this forum, it sure has made the last hour or so much easier. I am on the 4th day of coming of suboxone and I don't know if the worst is over yet but I hope. Anyway your post got to me because I am 54 and low and behold I have 4 children, I got re-hooked on opiates after 2 knee replacements in the last year and I seriously think the withdrawl is magnified from when I went through this in my younger days.
Anyway what a great place to find! Thank You everyone who has had the guts to post their demons on here, you sure have given me incentive.
Anyway what a great place to find! Thank You everyone who has had the guts to post their demons on here, you sure have given me incentive.
Ok All I'm back. I'll admit it -- I screwed up. But you probably knew I did or was going too - funny thing is I had started composing a post on my phone while I was in the parking lot waging holy hell in my head. Lost - you called it - "This time will be different" was exactly what I was telling myself as I drove to the meet up spot. But this time was different, I cut my normal order in half 15 in lieu of 30. After I commited the sin I of course felt like the lowest of low, but I can honestly say that I've barely touched them. I actually even felt so low that I got rid of some and got $$ back. I'm sorry all, I am trying and I'm completely furious at myself. I feel like a complete junkie scum bag, N worst of all - I lied to my best friend about it today. I told him that I was doing good and haven't done anything since Tuesday. (Honestly he just started talking to me again after I fessed up to him on 12/26 and I am terrified that if he finds out he'll dissappear again) I guess this is how addiction is, how the rehabs make the $$. This *****. Ok thats over with now to address some posts by the visitors. Some have mentioned rehabs - I hold a job that requires super extensive background screening (I work for the Philadelphia Int. Airport any1 traveling definately hit me up and I will gladly meet you face to face the second you step off your plane :D ) Anyway I am terrified of having anything come within a ten foot pole of touching my background. Yes, I know that is all protected information however I have learned a few things in my career dealing with security, law enforcement, etc. If people want to find something out about you --- they will, safegaurds like HIPPA are like a locked door - It stops the honest thief - Get me?? Before anyone asks - No I am NOT - TSA. I work for a Private Engineering Contractor that does Fire Safety & Security design, Impelementing, and Testing work for large metropolitain airports. Bottom line -- I love my job and I am not going to remotely do anything that can throw a extremely scrutinized annual background screening over to the negative side. Also - for some reason I really do not have any urges like I normally did in the past. Its kind of been like - Oh I got em, ehh... might as well. It don't feel the same, I definately do not get high off them, It just feels like I took a $20 grinded it up, lined it up & sniffed it. I have a few left, I'm going to stretch them out to taper as to not spawn into absolute hell. Should work out pretty good, I dont have any cash to even think about getting anymore after these are gone. I am more embarrassed than I have ever been in my life because I said I was done earlier & I feel like I've let everyone that posted down. Rome wasn't built in a day, I'm trying guys trust me I am. The part that makes me feel good is - I'm posting this, I'm not here to BS anyone - If I screw up I'm gonna share it, I want everyone who takes the time to sit down and offer me their time and counciling to know whats going on - because in my opinion it's only fair. Ima beat this, I know it. You guys are the best. My fault all, my fault. Baby steps, getting easier every day tho....
Hey man, good to hear from you. It's a good thing you posted. Keep doing it,
even if you use. Sounds like you have a plan to taper. Stick to it. This is your
life we're talking about my friend. We play a dangerous game when we use.
I don't want you to disappear. Think about NA. You don't have to be clean to go. You do need to WANT to be clean, and I think you qualify. You will find every walk of life represented there. Me, I've never been to jail, have a college degree, house, car, kids, dog, etc. Then there's the people who've lost it all. I listen to them. I don't want to go where they went. Just a thought.
No one can make you clean up. Or go to NA. Just remember it's there.
In the meantime, take care and keep in touch.
even if you use. Sounds like you have a plan to taper. Stick to it. This is your
life we're talking about my friend. We play a dangerous game when we use.
I don't want you to disappear. Think about NA. You don't have to be clean to go. You do need to WANT to be clean, and I think you qualify. You will find every walk of life represented there. Me, I've never been to jail, have a college degree, house, car, kids, dog, etc. Then there's the people who've lost it all. I listen to them. I don't want to go where they went. Just a thought.
No one can make you clean up. Or go to NA. Just remember it's there.
In the meantime, take care and keep in touch.
Hey, Glad you posted. I just wanted to say that you've obviously made some good choices in your life. You are educated and you have a good job. You don't get there by thumbing your nose at life. I understand your reasoning for not going to rehab. I believe that you can quit with the same self discipline that allowed you to get where you are today and with God's help of course. While I'm a world away from where you are, I had the same sentiments when I started this, ONE STEP AT A TIME. Stay with us! Your story pulls at my heart, since I have sons who have struggled with addiction.
Hi Joey. Vicodin ruined my life. I lost my nursing license am facing 11 felony charges all while trying to single parently raise my four sons. We are now on welfare and struggle to pay every bill. Never thought I would turn out this way. My sadness is overwhelming some days, but I can say I have not had Vicodin in over a year. Still sometimes crave it, but not much. Good Luck to you, those Percocets are nasty demons too. God Bless
Demons they are. The dealer once told me that, he said - we chose to do them in the beginning but now they chose us to ruin our lives. N he was right. Some of you may be surprised to learn that my education level ends with high school - I have worked full time every single day since. Not one day of college, pretty much just worked my way up in my field and finally landed a once in a lifetime job that is extremely rewarding. Only problem is - I can't enjoy any of it cuz its all spent on jawns. I make as much as my parents do and they've been teaching high school for 25 years. But that's neither here nor there - this has been a tough weekend, I awoke today hot as hell & drenched in sweat. I was out late the night before with a buddy @the local bar so I was sleeping late. I had plans tonight with another friend at the bar so I decided to try and just power thru it n use a crumb of suboxone if I needed it. Well I did need it - my entire body was in full withdrawal, I hate that so much. I took the smallest piece of sub I could break off and it did offer some relief but not for long. We didn't stay long at the bar and I found myself back home rather quickly, well I did stop at Rite Aid first and grabbed some sleeping pills to knock me out. Got home and was sitting with my mom & dog really wanted to try and talk to her about it but she was in such a great mood n was asking me what I wanted for my birthday dinner tomm night cuz we celebrating it tomorrow instead of Monday so its easier for the family to come. She was really happy because her & dad had gone out to dinner n all. Anyway I couldn't do it to her and to every mom & dad on here -- I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is for a son or daughter to come to tell their parents - it eats at me every single day. Its the hardest mental battle my brain has ever had. A lot is processed when thought about telling them such as : will they ever trust me again, will they force me to go somewhere, how will they look at me from now on, who will they tell, what happens next, & will they ever let this go? Its just hard guys & gals. I actually have secretly hoped I would get arrested with some on me just so it would be simpler to explain that to them. Well I guess it wouldn't be simple ... it would just force me to have to have it out there. Sorry I have been away for a few days --- it was my birthday Monday and things have been busy with side work with me & I've been going non stop. I have not forgotten bout all of you though -- I've been working hard to get myself tapered to the lowest possible amount bearable. I often tell myself that no matter what w/d is gonna suck & hurt n honestly we will probably all agree that most of the time that is our driving force that keeps us using and justifying our addictions. Simply put - I can come up with any reason to sniff a pill. What I need to do is figure out why I need to do that - what is it that I need to forget or block out? I think when I get those answers a lot will be easier and I wont need to be chained down by these Damn things no more. The sad thing is -I have seen first hand where this path leads. When working as a C/O I met many ppl that were in their for drug related crimes. I could never understand how something could lead to incarceration. Well I sure can now, I get it 100% I get how ppl hold places up or rob people. Its ashame I had to find things out this way but I guess its life &my fate. Must have been some reason why I went down this path. I just hope I get the hell off it real real soon.
I'm a mom of four and I'm begging you to please tell your parents. They may be shocked or disappointed at first, but they will go to the ends of the earth to help you through this. I've lived with addiction in my family and my kids saw it with their dad. I've been fortunate that it hasn't touched them (yet anyway) but I always tell them to remember that there is NOTHING they can't come to me about. Your parents will never give you bad advice and will be your biggest support. PLEASE tell them so they can help you through this.
Joey thanks for sharing your story because reading it is making me realize why I quit in the first place. I was exactly where you are in July 2011, got clean for 5 months, but have now fallen back into 2 months of using. I took my last pill on Sunday night and - other than interrupted sleep last night - still feel relatively OK 39 hours in with some help from the Thomas recipe. I'm at work right now.
For the whole 2 months I've been using again, I keep telling myself with each re-up with my dealer that it's the last time. But each time I run out, I find another excuse to use again. Thankfully, my dealer was out yesterday and won't have any more until tomorrow. When she said she was out, most of me was relieved rather than scared. I don't want to fall back to where I was last July after 19 straight months of use. Getting off was absolute hell and it took me 2 months to start sleeping normally again.
I am praying that tomorrow I can find the willpower to stay away -- by that time will have been 72 hours from my last pill. Thanks for sharing your story. I, like you, only used for the high -- never for pain. Your story has resonated heavily within me. You know, once I recovered from all of the financial damage my original binge inflicted on me, I felt comfortable going "back to the well." I am now falling back down the well.
Joey you are not alone. Keep fighting the good fight.
For the whole 2 months I've been using again, I keep telling myself with each re-up with my dealer that it's the last time. But each time I run out, I find another excuse to use again. Thankfully, my dealer was out yesterday and won't have any more until tomorrow. When she said she was out, most of me was relieved rather than scared. I don't want to fall back to where I was last July after 19 straight months of use. Getting off was absolute hell and it took me 2 months to start sleeping normally again.
I am praying that tomorrow I can find the willpower to stay away -- by that time will have been 72 hours from my last pill. Thanks for sharing your story. I, like you, only used for the high -- never for pain. Your story has resonated heavily within me. You know, once I recovered from all of the financial damage my original binge inflicted on me, I felt comfortable going "back to the well." I am now falling back down the well.
Joey you are not alone. Keep fighting the good fight.
I'm so grateful I'm reading these posts. Jen I was exactly where you are a few years ago. Today is day 1 again for me. I am trying to end my pain management BS too. I'm doing it in secet. I've put together as much as 45 days and fell off recently. I'm back today and I'm trying to take nothing. I was on Vslium, neurontin, Ambien, flexoril you name it but not today. You can do this one bit at a time. Focus on the opiates first.
As for Joey welcome and we will be here for you thank God you found this site reading your post really helped me today.
As for Joey welcome and we will be here for you thank God you found this site reading your post really helped me today.
Joey your story ... I'm just so glad you wrote it, you shared it with us. We KNOW what you are saying. We KNOW how much it *****. I'm well on my way to where you have found yourself...and I am much older. Damn, don't find yourself my age doing this ****.
But who am I kidding, our choices....feel so limited don't they?
I've gotten clean twice. Both times I felt it was some kind of divine intervention becuase it just sort of was 'the day'. Do you ever have days when you think, yeah, I could do this today....and don't anyway? I do, and I hate that. I pass the opportunity cuase, well, cuase I'm an addict.
Sorry for rambling....embarrassingly I'm not ready and these kind folks let me hang out here anyway cause I'm an addict who's afraid and feels kind of hopeless. You are not hopeless young man, I hear it in your post. You can do this....I hear it so loud...YOU CAN DO THIS JOEY. Tears, soready
But who am I kidding, our choices....feel so limited don't they?
I've gotten clean twice. Both times I felt it was some kind of divine intervention becuase it just sort of was 'the day'. Do you ever have days when you think, yeah, I could do this today....and don't anyway? I do, and I hate that. I pass the opportunity cuase, well, cuase I'm an addict.
Sorry for rambling....embarrassingly I'm not ready and these kind folks let me hang out here anyway cause I'm an addict who's afraid and feels kind of hopeless. You are not hopeless young man, I hear it in your post. You can do this....I hear it so loud...YOU CAN DO THIS JOEY. Tears, soready
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