I stopped smoking 1 year ago today with the help of Chantix. I had to always eat before taking because they will cause nausea. I also got a bought with pnemonia the 2nd week into the process. Despite everything I am so much happier, healthier and fatter. I am a 46 year women and have gained 30 lbs. I am not sure if this could be pre menopause or not smoking. But now I can walk around with out my legs feeling like they are on fire. I can bend over without getting dizzy. I can laugh without coughing. I dont smell like an ash tray. I had smoked since age 13 and usually smoked a pack and half a day more on the weekend. My parents smoked so becoming a smoker was easy. I try to tell people what has changed and they always refuse to believe thier symptoms are caused by smoking. I have dealt with addiction my entire life, at least that how it seems. At this time I am on methadone wanting to become free of that. I have taken it for 7 years. I had been totally clean for 4 years then a doctor cut a nerve in my leg leaving me with a lot a pain from how I walk causing back pain. I understand denial, blame, shame, fear, guilt without saying I have been to many treatment programs. The difference is I am productive have been the 11 years, I am not using to get high but feel guilty for using help with pain. I dont think I could have a bottle of oxycontin (never have taken but sound great) or other opiates to help with the pain. I just hate being dependant on anything, but I am. I wish there was a way to keep from so guilty. I am confused with my choices are there any ideas???