How can I thank you all?

[GixerBoy]

When I read your comments I just burst into tears and cried & cried...

It is so difficult to put down on paper (virtually but still paper of sorts) exactly how you feel, how every nerve & fibre of your being just screams and screams at you to stop. There is a place however inside the brain, a dark and devoid place which cares about nothing but chemical gratification. It will induce such terrible pain and suffering through mindless self-destruction, leaving behind nothing but a war ravaged conscience and a totally destroyed sense of self.  This web site is like a first aid station amid the destruction and desolation of war with one's self.  

When people post comments after a question is asked, it's like a ray of light reaching into the darkness.  It vividly demonstrates the power of the will, of the mind and of love, to reach out and gently touch those that are in pain, who are suffering and who cry so many tears.  I have fought for so very long now and have won many battles, but have never won the war against an insidious and cruel foe.  It has no conscience or weaknesses, no pain or heartbeat and no love.  Here there is love and no what matter what form or language it appears in, there is care for those that are suffering, people like me.

Thank you for listening, I know you have a true concept of the difference that you all make and rest assured with your help I will beat this once and for all this time I know it to be true...not like so many times before.

Thank you all I know you care

Peace out

Gixer  

[jerrip]

LOL....well all the moms have talked to you....now here is grandma...yep grandma is on day 11 (I think. ) It has been really hard, and I am SURE I would have given in and taken my dilaudids and somas and flexerils....just to get me thru the night and past the shakes.....well just talking to me those nights after my darling husband went to bed actually took the place of the drugs.....PLEASE keep posting.  Love  Jerri

[broknbck]

hey for someone who says it is so hard to put down on paper--
well you are are very good writer!
what do you do for a living?

[dominosarah]

And another "mom" right behind Llardo!!!!  You know what you want so lets get this started.  We have been right where you are at.  We know the depths of hell and we know the other side.  Dig your heels in and come on over.  You will like it here.  I am glad your posting.  That helps and with all the support you have here you wont be alone.   sara

[lady67]

Gixer,
I don't think we ever completely get rid of the guilt we feel, but it does get better after a while.  I will also tell you this, my guilt felt better when I opened my heart and told my husband what I had been doing and how much I wanted to stop and get control of m life.  I think his support is what helped me finally kick this darn addiction.  I am now at 70 days clean of hydros and 6 months clean of the ambien.  I admitted to him everything I had done to get my hands on the pills and asked him to forgive me.  He told me how much he loved me and that he was not going to give up on me.  With that being said, I was able to put most of the guilty feelings behind me and begin to move on with my life.  I think you will be pleasantly suprised when you open up to your wife and tell her what you have been going through and how much you want to change.  Believe me, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted and you are able to move ahead.  

It is really late for me, and I hope I am not rambling too terribly much.  If you would like to talk further, I will always be here.  Have a good night and I wish you the best of luck in your situation.
susan

[LateAugust]

Now you have "the mom" hounding you  :)     what else are you thinking about in regards to treatment, other than this site?  Have you made any solid plans or still thinking about your options?   Please share what you have in mind, because you describe this drug to a flipping tee,  it is hideous,   and I want so much for you to heal.  So  like your mom you can  hang up on me,   or  I hope,  know that I am prodding you out of concern.  You want to stop NOW. So  NOW  is the  best time to get help,  while you want it.   Please?