my husband is addicted to loratabs :*(

[traptcookie]

Hi, I just recently came to grips with the fact that my husband has a drug problem.  I told him today that I knew he was getting loratabs and abusing them.  He finally admitted he was having issues and was trying to stop taking them.  He said he was down to only taking 2 1/2 a day.  Is this good or bad and can I help him or do I need to leave him alone?  I don't know what to do I have cried all day.  

[nooneknows214]

I'm in no way a doctor but a student of people.  I observe !  First of all, you are in a really bad place right now.  I agree with the above postor that he's not over the addiction, but allow me to add two things.  Your husband has to want to quit and I don't even think he's close to that point.  Also, it really seems like there is a much worse problem than the pills.  I'm sorry but you really need to realize this.  I could be wrong but I used Vic's and perc's for the past two years, 10 days clean and I KNOW I'll never go back.  However, pills never made me ever want to hit anyone, period.  Something else is going on.  Everyone is here for you, I'm not trying to seem harsh and I'm sorry if I'm coming off that way, but either you're not being honest and I KNOW he's not being honest with you.

[notgoingdown]

a person in recovery and going thru wd's will be irritable but if he is serious about getting clean he would not resort to physical violence just because he is cranky. this sounds to me like a person still in active addiction and upset that he is getting caught at it. you need to be thinking of yourself at this point. protect yourself, if that means removing yourself from the situation so he cant physically harm you then you have to consider it. just taking his debit card away is obviously not enough to protect yourself financially. you need a separate account where you can put funds and make sure he cant access them by hiding the card or checks if you have to have them. Remove any valuables like jewelry to a safe place. He has already shown you that he has no problem causing financial problems and now he has progressed to physical violence all in an attempt to protect his addiction... right now that is his main priority. You have to make your safety and well being your main priority now.  

[traptcookie]

as much as i don't want to admit this..........the other day he did get violent........he jus kept slapping me and wouldn't stop.........i don't know what came over him......we were arguing because he got the debit card out of my purse and didn't tell me.........i was suspicious at that point if he really was trying to quit.........and he did get violent so i don't know what to think.......he is not a violent person........i am so sad........i just don't know anymore

[traptcookie]

i am so happy that when i come in here people have responded to me.  again, i am thankful for any feedback :) i took his debt card and checkbook from him yesterday......which sounds controlling i know, but he has drained our funds immensley within this past month.  it seems when i try to be supportive of him recovering im just pushing him towards resenting me......i would rather him hate me though i think and get him well then to watch him fall into a black hole and wither away........he has lost all his motivation.  i do want to stand by him.  he does get angry but i realize irritability is from coming off these pills.  how long will it take to notice if he's off them?  like in a week will i be able to give him his debt card back or do i need to wait a month?  i just don't want to have the wool pulled over my eyes when it comes to me and the children.  thanks for listening i appreciate you all

[LIZZIE LOU]

please do not take on the responsibility of your husband's addiction.  it's great to love and support him...but ONLY if he is taking the necessary steps on the path to recovery.  if i've said it once...i've said it a million times...support his recovery...NOT his addiction.

your husband has admitted that he has taken them "in the past" and you have already, early in the game, seen how addicts will lie about the amount they are taking.  your husband didnt just fall off the turnip truck...he is drug s a v v y.  yes...it IS his addiction that is making him lie...but dont use that as a excuse...then you have fallen into supporting his addiction.  there is no excuse when it comes to continued use.  there is not an addict alive that cant make the choice to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to end their abuse.

take care of yourself and your children...it's not your fault and it's not your addiction.

[Omaha1116]

Speaking from someone who has been on pain pills for about 5 years now and has kicked it cold turkey, it is hard. I am blessed to have a supportive husband. I recently had another surgery and had to start back on them and now have to get off of them again. I accidently over dosed one night and was life flighted and my family was told I wasnt going to make it.  But they stayed at the hospital ICU the entire time.Now I have decided to do an outpatient rehab.  Your husband will need all of the support that you can give him to get off the drug. If he gets them from a pain dr I would seriously try to avoid the pain dr. they always say the will help you but in the end they dont.  Just hang in there.  You might have to give him a choice. I know that sounds hard, but no drug could keep me from my husband, son, and family. Do not give up on him, i would be dead right now if my family had give up on me.

[ithoughtiwasalone]

I beg you dont give up on him , he is not being voilent is he ? please I speak from exsperience I had some wonderful ladies who said they were there for me but when I didnt quit they gave up . I didnt have a family with them but loosing them made me feel so suicidal ,
stick by him till it hurts .
he is lying to you on how much he takes but thats what addicts do , they will travel 500km just to get the drug they want ,

[traptcookie]

Sorry that it took me so long to post back...........

I thought things actually would stop overnight.  He told me he has been on and off of them in the past but that he has been using since November.  I wish I had a magic wand and could just poof them out of his life.  We have 2 small children and I understand the mental toll factor is a big issue already.  I try to tell myself he acts "weird" or whatever only because of the drug.  I feel so helpless because I do pray and I guess I just expect immediate results.  It feels very good to have other people listen to me.  I don't know where to go.  I wish he would go to rehab.  I saw on his cell phone that he got 7 from a guy yesterday.....I couldn't find them anywhere so I assume he took them all in one day.  I shouldn't have to check up on my husband but I had that gut feeling he was lying....so I checked his text messages on his phone and there was the evidence..........I have leaned the hard way you can not control anyone.........sometimes not even yourself............I love him........but I feel the person I love is disappearing :(

[notgoingdown]

i offer you advice not as an addict but the wife of an addict. it is true that he will need your support but dont let yourself be fooled. i worry about your situation because he didnt come to you with this admission... you had to pull it out of him. in my experience with my ah when backed into a corner he will admit to the least that he can. for instance if he says he only needs to take one at bedtime after a hard day working then once you use the addict conversion chart it means he is taking 8-10 a day. what i really trying to say is when dealing with an addict dont use your ears to listen to his words, use your gut to listen to his actions.

i hope the best for you both. keep posting here. message me if you like.

[Trying_hard19]

Hi ..

I am the addict in our family..  I can tell you that although you feel powerless, the fact that he told you he has a problem is huge..  It was probably upsetting to you, but the reality is that admitting it is not that common..

In my case, my wife didn't push it .. she had an alcoholic father and felt that her complaining to me about it would only cause trouble.. I think she was probably right..

As someone who has only been clean a month, I can say that her support has been huge for me.. on some occasions she will get pushy about me being more active and energetic, but she quickly cools her heels.. I really think that the best thing you can do it simply be supportive of good behaviour.. You don't have to support using, but when he quits.. be ready for a longer haul that you expect..  

Your a good lady for caring so much.. keep telling him that .. when he quits, there will be plenty of days that he wont understand why you still like him at all..

[WannaBeFree79]

Hi Traptcookie,

Support him, encourage him, read a lot on here and get educated.  Even have him come here and get educated.  It is great that he has admitted he has a problem thats the first step and a very hard one.  If he is only taking 2 and 1/2 a day now, he would probably have minimal withdrawals physically if he stopped all together.  The mental is the harder part and will linger for a while.  Aftercare is very important, most won't make it without it (NA, Counseling etc)  Do you know how long this was going on for?  That will be a factor in  how hard it is mentally, it becomes a habit/ritual to us and its hard to let it go.  How much was he on initially and how long has he been tapering?  That will help know a little better how the tapering is really going.  Tapering is very hard for an addict especially when they try to do it themselves.  We have no control over those pills and its tempting to take more and sway away from the tapering plan.  

This is not your fault in any way, this is a disease of the brain which only your husband himself can try to put in remission.  You can't fix this for him, but any support and encouragement you can give him will be a great help in his battle.

I am sure more will be around soon with more advice.  There are a lot of members that have been clean a long time and have a wealth of usefull information :)

Hang in there & God Bless!

WannaBeFree