HELP ME PLEASE

[addicted32]

I hate Dr's.  My fiance said I was pyscho and a emotional wreck when he was drunk he called me white trash.  We all know people mean what they say when they are trashed.  His history is prior DUI's ten years ago claims he doesn't drink like he used to but facts are theres always beer in frige or a pint of vodka tonight I left and before I left he had to get something to eat.  He went to store and got food but also got a 6 pack. I was fed up with him smoking pot and drinking on weekends the pot is during the week he needs it to work out.  I'm tired of him.  I hate him and I told him that.  He calls me names and I'm guilty of calling him names also.  We have been engaged for a year still no date set and we have a 4 month old boy.  I yell so loud I made baby cry.  Which hurt me.  I have been leaving the house and staying at a friends place. My anger is steming from a man who doesn't remember calling me that and the next morning hes trying to have sex with me after he called me that.  F-----king nuts!  What gets my skin crawling is he walks around th ehouse whistling and acting like nothings wrong.  He keeps saying its me I'm verbally abusive.  I'm a wreck I have the drug problem.  Im tapering off of Oxycontin.  I'm on 15mgs a day.  I go every week to dr,  I'm on Wellbutrin 300mg also.  I go to the dr and she said I have a mood disorder because I told her I want to hit him and I scream at him. Right away she throws lamictal at me.  That drug is for seizures and has worse side effects then what I have now.  I sleep on the couch and it doesn't phase my fiance no flowers no begging me to sleep in bed.  No love letters about how sorry he is.  This hurts me so much and makes me feel horrible.  We don't talk because he says I'm a broken record.  I just keep getting more and more angry.   Its consuming me.  Any advice????? Please help.  I met this guy in Cali and he moved here to be with me and baby.  I'm a LPN hes a sales man.  He just filed bankruptcy.  And the sad part is I didn't get the romantic purposal for marriage.  I got hey lets get engaged what the hell.  Like I said before its been a year and a baby later.  If I verbally abuse him why does he stay?  I understand its  a new state and he knows nobody and he has nowhere to go but he could get his own place right?  I so want to take a extra pill it makes me feel better.  What do I do??

[avisg]

Are you ready to stop? you can do it it sounds like you are already tapering .It does not sounds like your home life is very healthy at the moment and that is not good for you or your baby .We will be here to support you .Hang in there .

[moonshyne777]

Popping an extra pill won't do anything except throw you off track and make your state of mind even worse because then you'll end up feeling guilty about it.

You need to get into some aftercare right away. Find some NA meetings and start going. You'll meet people there who can really help you and it's a must to have aftercare if you really want to succeed at recovery. And finding a therapist to work one on one with you is important too. You have a lot on your plate - a new baby, an addiction your trying to deal with and a partner who sounds very unsupportive to say the least. See of he is willing to get some marital counselling with you. You have to work through all these issues a step at a time. I'm sure your feeling overwhelmed and anxious right now. For the sake of yourself and your baby, please get some help. Although your little one is only 4 months old, the baby is picking up on all the negativity in the household and that is affecting him for sure. It sounds like you really need some support so please get to some meetings, get into therapy and even if he won't go, you need to. I hope you both can work on your marraige to make it a happy one but in the end you have to make decisions to better the lives of yourself and your child. Any couple with a new baby struggles with the pressures of parenthood but because there are many other issues on top of that, getting help asap is very very important right now. Please keep posting, the people here are amazing support and we will help you as much as we can but you need to do the legwork and follow up on getting the help you desperately need right now. Give yourself the credit you deserve for working hard to make a better future for you and your child.