let my guard down

[dominosarah]

Something was not right in my little world today.  I was not as busy as i like to be, teenagers driving me nuts, just not feelin it for some reason.  Around 5 this afternoon i started to vent on the family here.  I felt like a daycare center, a maid etc.  By 6 i was mad bad.  By 7:30 i flipped out on everyone and told them i was going to the bar.  Got in my pickup with my heart racing, palms sweating and tears running down my face.  As i looked out my windshield i thought oh my god this vehicle is dirty, picked up the phone and made a call to a wonderful supportive friend and drove to the car wash where i scrubbed it by hand.  I felt so much better. My friend listened to me cuss, yell, cry and i just couldnt believe what had happened.  Scared the holy bajesus out of me.  I had let my guard down.  I am a recovering alcoholic who hasnt drank in years.  The cravings for alcohol are far and few between.  The urge was so strong.  I have had cravings since i quit pills but nothing like this.  Guess i thought i was doing better than what i was.  Oh and if my flippin tracker worked i could tell you how many days clean i have!!!!!  That too sent me over the edge.  Anyways i am better now, still dont know where the cravings came from but i sure am glad i had bugs all over the windshield and my friend was close to her phone.  Definately a reality check for me.               sara

[gizzy32]

way to stay strong. sometimes it's scary when these cravings hit, but u did the right thing. there is nothing better than to talk it through. glad to hear the cravings are few and far between. you did great :)

[road2recovery]

Wow, seems like someone was watching over you....I have been thre and feeling like the maid, etc, got in my car ( but it was dirty and stayed dirty.lol) and just drove around smoking cigs for like one hour....crying and listening to my music...Then came home and went to bed...Funny what a ride will do...or a carwash.....Girl you did great, so proud of you, and thanks for posting it..
r2r

[worried878]

Glad u came out of it without a scratch or a relapse or anything...we are allowed to "lose it" sometimes...I hope so anyway as we will never be perfect but u r doing great

[desperate1111]

i'm impressed. you sound like a very strong, determined person. excactly what it takes to beat this.

[NautyOne]

Good job Dsara........Idol time can be the devils playground.  Definitely keep yourself busy.  Bet thats prolly the first time you thanked the good lord for bugs on the windshield......lol.  Hang in there sweetie......you did good.

Nauty.........

[dominosarah]

thank you everyone!!!!  I am so glad i can write this today still clean.  Scary moment for me but maybe it was just what i needed to knock me back to reality.  Today i WILL be busy!!!!!!                    hugs to all.                       sara

[Korley]

Well we all let our guard down sometimes. We are recovering addicts and our disease is always waiting for us to slip up. I am a recovering alcoholic as well, and it is the same as w/ the pills. One drink is too much as is one bottle of pills too much. Give yourself a pat on the back, you did a great job! Praise God for you my friend!

[joann1975]

I am so proud of you.... I didn't realize you were having such a bad day yesterday! Love ya! JoAnn

[cathy5841]

sara, i am so proud of you.  cravings are never easy, but everytime you beat one is a victory.  keep doing what you are doing, its working for ya.

[10356]

Sounds like he was watching over you!!! I also think some where in the back of your mind you knew just what to do Took yourself out of the situation, Called a supportive friend and got busy physically, Great Job and very Happy for you that you are still clean and sober....

[Rose703]

Thank God for the dirty truck and car washes huh? No seriously you did great by not going to the bar and who cares if you ended up at the car wash? My mother was an alcohlic and it took her to her grave so I'm so happy to hear that you had a friend to call and a truck to wash!!

[seeksolice]

Your candid play-by-play account of what happened was really nice to read. This is why I come here.

Thanks for being honest and its good you didnt relapse!

[lady67]

You are probably right.  I have enough problems as it is, and it probably wouldn't be wise to start drinking at 41 years old.  My dad started smoking when he was 63.  I remember being so mad at him.  I gave him the lecture of a lifetime, telling him he had lived that long and then decided to screw it up with cigarettes.  Guess I shouldn't screw my life up any more than it already is.

BTW what in the world are we still doing up?  We aren't exactly spring chickens and we need our sleep.  Not sure about you, but I definately do!  Unfortunately, I am having one of my insomnia nights and if I go to bed now, I will just lie there tossing and turning.

TTYL
Susan

[dominosarah]

Im not thinking the alcohol would help there if you arent a drinker.  I bet the "motion" would make you run and barf and that is a mood killer!!!!

[dominosarah]

who in gods green earth goes to a carwash having cravings!!!!!!!!  oh..........ME!!!!!  I failed to mention also i got his pickup after he passed away and he always had a clean vehicle.  Guess he was watching over me too!!!!  

[lady67]

I am so sorry you were having a rough day.  I have had those days as well.  Never thought about drinking though. Believe it or not, I am not a drinker.  People who hear me talk about my addiction to pills usually look at me like "yeah right".  They think that a pill popper must be a drinker too.  Well, I am the exception to that concept.  Never had a drink in my life, and really have no desire to start.  You think if I started to drink I might loosen up in the bedroom?LoL.  Can't do that, I would just be trading in one problem for another, and I definately do not want to go down that road.  

I am glad you had a friend you could call and confide in, and feel free to talk to me anytime you need to.

Love Ya
Susan

[sadinmichigan]

I am so glad you posted my friend..I am very glad that you are feeling better,and that YOU reached out instead of just going ahead with it..That is great. Just when we think we got it under control the rug gets pulled beneath you..it's a battle alright..and you fought it and won!!! You rock!!! You and your umbrella..lol  Love ya Lisa

[newmanagment]

hey, if ya start cravin a drink 2moro, my car and truck both need cleaned!! LOL, fa real tho, you did awesome by not giving in!! as an  ex alcoholic, u know that you are only a few drinks away from not bein an ex, ya feel me? i have seen ya on here for a minute, fightin so hard to be clean, and im proud ya dint slip!! so keep ya chin up, and remember that eva day life is hard, thas why we have addiction any way!! much love sara!!