Aa
I am pretty sure I am killing myself slowly, no options, no idea what to do.
I don't know what to do in my situation and don't really see any options. I used to do pretty hard drugs, when I was younger. I stopped all that about 5 years or so ago. My worst addiction was opiates (heroin in particular, not intravenous, just insulated and suppository) I worked myself off of them, down to lortabs, vicodins, the weaker 'codones' and finally down to tramadol. Its as weak as I can find, where it still gives me the energy and clarity of mind I need to work like I do, without getting me 'high'. I just want to be able to work like I am supposed to without being recreation in my usage. Currently I have a LOT of child support I pay, over 1k every month, so to make ends meet I work a full time job (8am to 5pm M-F) and from 6pm till between 8pm and 12pm every week day. I also work most weekend at least 8 hours a day. This isn't optional, even with all of this I barely make ends meet. I have no family to ask for help and after my divorce I have very few friends who aren't 'work associates' so I can't ask anyone for help, there is no option, I HAVE to work and to work I HAVE to take something medicinal to deal with my lethargy and concentration. I am sure I am self medicating because without the drug (Tramadol) I wouldn't be able to work 6 hours a day, much less 12+ hours a day. I don't know the reason and I can't afford to find out as I don't have medical insurance and all I can do is go to the emergency room when I break down. I have gone to the hospital emergency room 6 times in the last 4 months. One I had an infection, still unkown what it was, they thought it was MRSA at first but a nose culture did not detect that, and after that blood work did not detect it (or anything at all for that matter), and finally they had to cut out the infected area, they did a biopsy and found nothing wrong either. Now to preface this next thing let me say I also drink a LOT of red bull, cuban coffee, machiato, espresso, rock star to stay awake. I am pretty high tolerance. With that in mind let me say I did the LEAST amount of coffee and red bull that day and took the least amount of Tramadol that day (maybe 16 50mg pills as opposed to the 24 to 30 I normally take every day) so, with that in mind, the next time I had experienced something strange, one night out of the blue I started shaking very badly, worse then normal, my forehead became very cold to the touch, my neck and back became very warm, about 101-102 degrees, they were sweating, I could not fall asleep, I had lost all appetite that day, had not eaten anything, I couldn't, so I stayed awake all night, didn't eat that day or the next day, stopped taking my Tramadol and didn't drink any red bull, by lunch time at work I collapsed, my lips were turning blue, I was profusely sweating, I couldn't swallow anything, water tasted like vomit to me, my chest was getting tight and heavy, I couldn't breath well, and my hands were turning dark (blueish) and cold. I could only describe the feeling as 'Toxic', I did feel like I was on a hallucinogen, all the bad parts, not the visual hallucinations just the nasty twisted parts I felt. I was driven to the ER, blood was taken, I was given the normal potassium bag, urine was taken. The doctor told me once again, as the last time, that they couldn't find anything wrong in my tests, but he said the urine test was positive for methadone. I have NEVER taken methadone in my life, all the opiates I have taken I know exactly what they were, the dose, manufacturer, etc. Much less anything of that caliber in many, many years. Only drug I take, of any kind, is Tramadol. No Aspirin, no pepto bismal, nothing, only Tramadol is what I take. I do have the occasional drink and I smoke regularly though. But there was something wrong with me, I am not a hypochondriac. I haven't had a tetnus shot in 2 decades, have not seen a regular doctor either, I have not had to go to the emergency room in years, until just recently. No medical problems at all until now. But so once again there was clearly something medically wrong with me but doctors telling me they couldn't find anything. His dishcarges papers said Anxiety Attack, but he prescribed me Lortabs?? I had explained to him I didn't want to take any strong opiates/narcotics which is why I took Tramadol. In any event I later had to go to the emergency room, 3 weeks ago, with intense stomach pain, I mean it felt like someone poured battery acid into my guts. If I laid on my back the pain went away and there was no pain at all after like 15 minutes, but within 60 seconds of moving my torso into an upright poisition my lower stomach felt like it was on fire, on a scale of 1-10 it was a 15,000,000,000. That time I had so many tests done, ultrasound, liver check, blood work, and an MRI. Once again, they found nothing wrong, injected me with dilaudid (I didn't know until after they did it and was upset to once again be back on opiates) but the pain went away and I was sent home, I was told I may have an ulcer and to see a primary, but I can't afford medical visits unless I have no choice. It hasn't been that bad since then (the stomach) so maybe it was a one time thing? What I am really worried about is that in the last 2-3 months I have had lite amounts of blood in my stool, and light blood in my nose, and a CONSTANT runny nose, clear only, but non-stop, all day all the time sniffling. I am averaging now 4-6 times a day taking 300mgs of Tramadol at a time (Six 50mg tablets) and have been on that regimen for about 2 years now. I can NOT work without them, if I lower the dose I end up not being able to move, get out of bed, drive, clean myself up every day, eat, or sleep, or move really. With them I am pretty human and do a superhuman amount of work every week, superhuman except for the sniffling and blood coming out of different parts of me, and occasionally breaking down and having to go to the ER. I just checked online after thinking about all of this and saw the daily limit is 400mg a day, I take that almost every time I take a dose. And I take that amount many times a day. I can NOT take less than it. I think I am killing myself slowly, but the end result is the same. I cannot take less or I can't work enough to pay rent, buy food, pay child support, car insurance, gasoline to go to work, or clean my clothes to go to work. Basically at this point in my life I am working to live and living to work. I do not go out at all, I have no social life (not by choice, there just is no free time) I have no home life, no time for hobbies, my health is obviously deteriorating, and there is no options to what to do. I know I will die because of this at some point but what can I do? I cannot get medical insurance from the government because I make "to much money" but thats very, very humouros (ha, ha, really, you can tell how funny, right.) considering I barely make ends meet. What in the hell do I do? But the real question on here, since this is a medical board, what can I do to keep myself healthy, yet not die from winding up on the street or in jail from not working enough and paying my bills, and to do that thje drug use has to continue, but it will kill me in the end anyways. Someone please, advice?
Sorry to have taken so long, but you will understand why now...
I went to the doctor. It was finally to a bad point, my hands were twitching while I was there, she saw the blood in my nose and stool. She said I needed to cut down on the medication or I was going to eventually die from them. She said I was damaging my organs and that the reasons I was taking the Tramadol for where not anything that it actually does. The fact that I was getting energy and alertness was because it was covering whatever was causing me to not have energy or be alert.
I finally have health insurance. I just wonder if it will get canceled for some reason since I have had it less than a week and used it so much. I am going to the hospital tomorrow for a chest x-ray and hopefully a 'spect' scan I think it is called.
The doctor I saw last made several notations, my breathing is abnormal in both sides, my lymph nodes are painful, but not swollen. There is fluid in my ears, discharge in my nose and possibly bronchitis. She thought I had strep two but as usual, tests are negative.
The underlying theme here I see is everything I am tested for is negative. Now that I cut back my medication, severely (I have had 4 today, and I have still yet to get up or bathe, or anything), I do not have the ability to get up for work. I wake up the first time at 5am (I am supposed to start work at 8:30am), and I have an alarm wake me up every 10 minutes so I can't fall into deep sleep. I have a 6-pack of energy shots on the headboard of my bed, I drink them one at a time each time the alarm goes off, and 2 the first time it goes off. I have yet to make it to work all week before 11am.
I think I have ME or CFS. Which is bs because there is nothing they can do for you. I would have prefered to have cancer or aids or hiv, something, at least I would know. Something other than a diagnosis of exclusion. The verdict is still out, maybe I do have cancer, I will have the chest x-ray tomorrow. Its soo awful. I feel like a zombie. I feel soooo lazy. I want to do so many things and I just lay here like a bum.
No news is not good news. I want to know whats wrong.
I went to the doctor. It was finally to a bad point, my hands were twitching while I was there, she saw the blood in my nose and stool. She said I needed to cut down on the medication or I was going to eventually die from them. She said I was damaging my organs and that the reasons I was taking the Tramadol for where not anything that it actually does. The fact that I was getting energy and alertness was because it was covering whatever was causing me to not have energy or be alert.
I finally have health insurance. I just wonder if it will get canceled for some reason since I have had it less than a week and used it so much. I am going to the hospital tomorrow for a chest x-ray and hopefully a 'spect' scan I think it is called.
The doctor I saw last made several notations, my breathing is abnormal in both sides, my lymph nodes are painful, but not swollen. There is fluid in my ears, discharge in my nose and possibly bronchitis. She thought I had strep two but as usual, tests are negative.
The underlying theme here I see is everything I am tested for is negative. Now that I cut back my medication, severely (I have had 4 today, and I have still yet to get up or bathe, or anything), I do not have the ability to get up for work. I wake up the first time at 5am (I am supposed to start work at 8:30am), and I have an alarm wake me up every 10 minutes so I can't fall into deep sleep. I have a 6-pack of energy shots on the headboard of my bed, I drink them one at a time each time the alarm goes off, and 2 the first time it goes off. I have yet to make it to work all week before 11am.
I think I have ME or CFS. Which is bs because there is nothing they can do for you. I would have prefered to have cancer or aids or hiv, something, at least I would know. Something other than a diagnosis of exclusion. The verdict is still out, maybe I do have cancer, I will have the chest x-ray tomorrow. Its soo awful. I feel like a zombie. I feel soooo lazy. I want to do so many things and I just lay here like a bum.
No news is not good news. I want to know whats wrong.
Afterthought-----can you find a job with benefits? You could make that a priority. Even if it isn't a super high paying job.....it would be worth it to have the insurance. Do any of your current employers offer insurance?
How about looking around....if you do...just be sure to find out what the waiting pd is before the insurance becomes active. A lot of places, it is the 1st of the next month after you start (ie....if you started this month, the benefits would begin on Dec 1st)...but some places, it is a 3 month wait.
Something to think about. Even if you have to sacrifice one of your other jobs...or cut down on hours at one of those jobs in order to do this. You could potentially have full coverage in just a few weeks.
How about looking around....if you do...just be sure to find out what the waiting pd is before the insurance becomes active. A lot of places, it is the 1st of the next month after you start (ie....if you started this month, the benefits would begin on Dec 1st)...but some places, it is a 3 month wait.
Something to think about. Even if you have to sacrifice one of your other jobs...or cut down on hours at one of those jobs in order to do this. You could potentially have full coverage in just a few weeks.
Oh my....you post sincerely alarmed me. You simply CANNOT continue down this road, or you WILL end up dead. All of that tramadol, and all of that caffeine? It is bad for every organ in your body...the heart, liver, kidneys, etc. Just remember, EVERYTHING that you put in your body, your body has to process and get rid of. After a while....it becomes harder and harder.
It sounds like you are definitely dealing with some sort of GI bleed, either a bleeding ulcer, or something else. Like it was already said...bright red blood in the stool indiates a problem closer to the bottom of your GI tract, wheras coffee ground/black thick blood in the stool indicates a problem higher up in the tract (stomach, esophagus, higher intestine).
The skin areas also sound very concerning to me...especially that you lanced the areas yiurself (ouch). Definitely not a good idea.
Is there any way you could request a support modifcation? Even if for only a temp period of time? Maybe if you petition the courts, they will have a bit of mercy on you...if only for a while until you can address these problems. You will be no good to your children if you aren't around...not to mention....NO support in that situation, obviously.
Bottom line is somehow, some WAY, something HAS to give....or sadly...you will pay with your health, or your life....and then you will not be able to helpany of your loved ones, or yourself, right? Your tram dose is toxic....and all of those energy drinks....prolly toxic level as well. You cannot continue at those levels without possibly catastrophic consequences. I'm honestly not trying to frighten you....you already are pretty aware of the seriousness of the issues at hand.
PLEASE do something drastic...make a change.....it will take some time...and it will suck royally.....but it won't be forever. Call every phone # you can find in the phone book to see what resources are out there. If you could ditch the tram addiction....you free up quite a bit of money a month....which means instead of self medicating to be able to work your a$$ off, you could maybe slow down a bit until you become healthier. Right? I mean....that is the only reason you are keeping the tram around is so you are able to work as much as you do...yet...you are also WORKING a lot of those hours simply to feed your tram addiction. Double edged sword!
Best of luck to you.....I hope you find some answers. Take care of yourself, please.
It sounds like you are definitely dealing with some sort of GI bleed, either a bleeding ulcer, or something else. Like it was already said...bright red blood in the stool indiates a problem closer to the bottom of your GI tract, wheras coffee ground/black thick blood in the stool indicates a problem higher up in the tract (stomach, esophagus, higher intestine).
The skin areas also sound very concerning to me...especially that you lanced the areas yiurself (ouch). Definitely not a good idea.
Is there any way you could request a support modifcation? Even if for only a temp period of time? Maybe if you petition the courts, they will have a bit of mercy on you...if only for a while until you can address these problems. You will be no good to your children if you aren't around...not to mention....NO support in that situation, obviously.
Bottom line is somehow, some WAY, something HAS to give....or sadly...you will pay with your health, or your life....and then you will not be able to helpany of your loved ones, or yourself, right? Your tram dose is toxic....and all of those energy drinks....prolly toxic level as well. You cannot continue at those levels without possibly catastrophic consequences. I'm honestly not trying to frighten you....you already are pretty aware of the seriousness of the issues at hand.
PLEASE do something drastic...make a change.....it will take some time...and it will suck royally.....but it won't be forever. Call every phone # you can find in the phone book to see what resources are out there. If you could ditch the tram addiction....you free up quite a bit of money a month....which means instead of self medicating to be able to work your a$$ off, you could maybe slow down a bit until you become healthier. Right? I mean....that is the only reason you are keeping the tram around is so you are able to work as much as you do...yet...you are also WORKING a lot of those hours simply to feed your tram addiction. Double edged sword!
Best of luck to you.....I hope you find some answers. Take care of yourself, please.
You say that you dont see a way to stop because it is the only way you can get through the day. I know it feels that way but its not true. Its just how evil these drugs are that you really start to believe there is no way to get through long days without the assistance of substances. I know people who work three jobs and provide for large families. They work from 8 in the morning until midnight six days a week. They do this without using. Im only pointing that out because it is possible. It just doesnt feel that way when you are in the middle of an addiction or attempting to withdraw. It sounds like you are going through a lot - physically and mentally, and I would never presume to know what its like to be in your shoes, but you are hurting your body more than words can say. I went through some of the physical stuff you described and I want you to know that you can heal. Obviously you have great discipline to work the schedule you do. If there is any way you can appy that to getting better, you should. Taper down, as slow as possible...try to go to meetings because they are free and at all hours...find someone to talk too...post here if there is no one. Most importantly, please try to cut down on the number of pills per day. Even if you feel lethargic, give it time...it should get better. When you see the doctor on Monday, even if it is just for one single visit, tell him or her the lethargy problems. Maybe they can prescribe something non narcotic to help with your energy level during your taper. Dont give up, no matter what. We are all here for you.
You have some geat advice here that would cost you a bundle in the real world ...... and you should take it. You are doing way too much tramadol - never figured that one out... a bottle of trams would die of old age in my home while i went to great means to obtain hydros, oxies, smack, or any of dozens of other pills......trams just didnt do anything for me - lucky i suppose or i could add another drug to the list of those I have experienced totally......takes a while to get over trams.... dont get in too much of a hurry - may take months ----- but look at it this way, how long would you be dead for? You were quite close a time or two already ..... respiratory arrest is usually the culprit - remember the blue hands and weight on chest - and blue lips. That is natures way of saying "You fu**** up dude!!!" and just to get your attention we will stop your breathing for awhile....as worried said in her reply - please take care of this situation. On this forum we have all been there and done that ------- you cant say anything that will shock this group - but you can talk to people that really do understand ------- and they are here to help you - no strings attached
it would be true as well if u took a ton of SSRIs but no one is prone to do that on a daily basis due to side effects...i knew seratonin was involved in the clotting cascade....i really just never put 2 and 2 together...at that dose i am almost sure u have some type of bleeding internally going on or at least some possibility of it after reading..ur symptoms...corrected u will be fine as people have ulcers and such that bleed and once corrected they r fine...i just never knew seratonin played such a big part in the clotting cascade but when u use a seratonin re-uptake inhibitor it keeps seratonin out of the cells where it is needed for clotting and out in the free circulation which helps depression...course with a regular dose of an ssri it is not near to this extent..tram is known for its seratonin and AD effect...i learned alot thru reading about it and u will be fine if u take care of this situation..please take care of this situation
Along with the possible bleeding disorder caused by the excess tramadol, your caffeine intake is large as well. It can also aggravate an ulcer and add the huge amount of stress you have (emotional, mental, and Physical) it can lead up to a major problem. If the blood in your stool is bright red, It means the bleeding is down lower.....in the colon. If it were coming from the stomach it would be black tarry stool. Bright red blood in vomit indicates a bleed in the esophagus or stomach. While you are in a tough situation, there is hope. You can get off the tramadol, in time. You will certainly need to taper and as worried878 said, if you find a doc specializing in addiction they will know the best way. There are so many options for you....don't close the door on quitting just yet, give every last option a chance to unfold and reveal itself first.
I thought as much worried878, thanks for looking it up. I wasn't sure and hadn't read that myself. I was looking around today for advice on it and saw that at doses over 400mg (the safe 'limit' apparently, I take almost that much every time I dose, many times a a day!) and over that is a high chance for seizures. Never had a seizure, and I don't think I have come close either, but I wouldn't know. I only felt more 'able' when taking them, able to work, able to move, able to think, etc. The only adverse I EVER experienced (other than the recent bleed issue) was trembling in my hands, etc. Other than that I feel like I am superhuman on them, like I can do anything and can't get worn down. I definitely need something to change, that is without question.
I just looked that up out of curiousity...drugs that effect serotonin uptake do have an effect on coagualtion...so that dose of tramdol could definitely cause a bleeeding disorder...new one on me as it is not exactly an anti-inflammatory but since it affects seratonin, an abundance can cause a bleeding disorder..be honest with ur doctor as it just may well be killing u..please be safe
be honest with the doctor u see on monday about everything... that is a tremendous amount of tram per day...1500-1800 mg a day? u could be toxic and the taper would be a long one as u can not ct that drug...especially at that dose..i am wondering if it is interfering with ur clotting mechanism somehow as that is what it sounds like..but a gi bleed would be picked up on tests
a maintenance narcotic may be something for u to think about to start ur journy to be drug free..i usually dont agree with that but u r at a high dose and under alot of stress it sounds like...getting started by being totally honest with the doctor and perhaps seeing a doctor who is familiar with addiction may help as well....do keep us posted
a maintenance narcotic may be something for u to think about to start ur journy to be drug free..i usually dont agree with that but u r at a high dose and under alot of stress it sounds like...getting started by being totally honest with the doctor and perhaps seeing a doctor who is familiar with addiction may help as well....do keep us posted
Thanks Lateaugust.
I will let you know. I try cutting back on them but I get soo lethargic, I mean really really really weak and tired. I have tried being more healthy to the last few months, drinking the 'green machine' drinks (the ones with spirulina, broccoli, algae, kiwis, etc. in it) and taking vitamins. I steal feel week, though my eyes dont look as dark now (they have looked like I have black eyes from a fight or something for as long as I can remember, and my skin has a green tone, lack of sunlight I guess, so it stands out pretty well, but since the extra nutrients my eyes don't look 'as' black anymore, thats a good sign I guess, that would give me hope except every day when I clean my nose out with a tissue and see blood, even though its light, I feel like I am a cancer patient or something)
I will post Monday what he says. I am sure it will be that I need to change the working so much, I already know that part, its just not optional. I would just like to know what is actually physically the diagnosis, I know I must have a disease or disorder or something, people don't just bleed from their nose, butts, and teeth for nothing, and their noses don't run like faucets forever.
I will let you know. I try cutting back on them but I get soo lethargic, I mean really really really weak and tired. I have tried being more healthy to the last few months, drinking the 'green machine' drinks (the ones with spirulina, broccoli, algae, kiwis, etc. in it) and taking vitamins. I steal feel week, though my eyes dont look as dark now (they have looked like I have black eyes from a fight or something for as long as I can remember, and my skin has a green tone, lack of sunlight I guess, so it stands out pretty well, but since the extra nutrients my eyes don't look 'as' black anymore, thats a good sign I guess, that would give me hope except every day when I clean my nose out with a tissue and see blood, even though its light, I feel like I am a cancer patient or something)
I will post Monday what he says. I am sure it will be that I need to change the working so much, I already know that part, its just not optional. I would just like to know what is actually physically the diagnosis, I know I must have a disease or disorder or something, people don't just bleed from their nose, butts, and teeth for nothing, and their noses don't run like faucets forever.
Thanks Tuck24. Yes I know, I have had this conversation with several people recently. But right now its a "Catch 22" I can take it easier, and if I did I would lose a large part of my income, if that happened I would very quickly be going to jail (for not paying child support), or I would get evicted (for not paying rent), or I would lose my job for not going in (not paying gas/insurance/running the toll booth every day), or I would starve (for not having food), or I would lose everything (by not getting my prescriptions of Tramadol and not doing anything at all, then ALL of the above would happen, in some order) and in any of those cases I would be under a LOT more, or at the very least the same amount of stress I am under now. At least this way I am doing what the world is telling me to do (going to work, paying my bills, paying my taxes, etc.) Believe me, if I had any option there I would take it, I would LOVE to have a few hours to myself every day, even once every few days, but I can't do it. Its not optional. I wish it were, really I do, I would give anything to take a break. I really wish I could just go to a detox clinic and clean up and be back to 'clean', or let myself have a mental breakdown and take a bit of time at a psych ward or something, but its a set of Dominos in any direction. If I do anything any different than I do now then I set off a chain of events that, different set off depending on what I do, but all with the same result, jobless, homeless, and in the end, in jail of course. You can't avoid child support without going to jail.
Quite literally this is the free time I have available, right now, taking time between tasks to write these responses out, each one a few sentences at a time. And usually between 12-1am or so and 6-7am (depending on if I want to sacrifice a bath and a shave for an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep) and unfortunately, sometimes I do. It takes me 6-10 tramadol, washed down with 2 double packs of the energy shots each morning (either rockstars, 5-hour energy, or jolt) to be able to stand up out of bed. I am all but paralyzed with pain and without that I couldn't even think about standing, and usually I am still in a stupor for the first 5-10 minutes after I crawl out of bed.
Wish there were alternatives to this lifestyle, but there are not. I made bad choices when I was younger, I think I made the right choices a few years back and chose the straight and narrow, but either way its still an abysmal life. It definitely is straight and definitely is narrow, and only getting more narrow.
Quite literally this is the free time I have available, right now, taking time between tasks to write these responses out, each one a few sentences at a time. And usually between 12-1am or so and 6-7am (depending on if I want to sacrifice a bath and a shave for an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep) and unfortunately, sometimes I do. It takes me 6-10 tramadol, washed down with 2 double packs of the energy shots each morning (either rockstars, 5-hour energy, or jolt) to be able to stand up out of bed. I am all but paralyzed with pain and without that I couldn't even think about standing, and usually I am still in a stupor for the first 5-10 minutes after I crawl out of bed.
Wish there were alternatives to this lifestyle, but there are not. I made bad choices when I was younger, I think I made the right choices a few years back and chose the straight and narrow, but either way its still an abysmal life. It definitely is straight and definitely is narrow, and only getting more narrow.
Please know that I was not thinking you could stop the Tram, only that if you could use those monies and work with a doc to address your medical and addiction issues... not sure what state you are in, but 400 a month can get you insurance in most states that could possibly somewhat help help alliviate your medical and mental worries (in addition to addiction programs AA NA etc.) . Your body, your metabalism is being torn in two polar directions: the high caffiene intact vs. Tram both physically and mentally. On the forum we want to help you in the right direction, but are certainly not doctors, only want to see you get some help and relief. IF it were me, and I had an MRI I would be feeling fairly confident in the doc's or the radioligist's opinion, that is a very informative and as you know extremely expensive test, because of it's diagnostic capabilities. Please share with the doc on Monday that these tests have been taken so he/she can request a copy (this will help keep your out of pocket expenses down) and hopefully reduce the time you need to take off from work for more tests. Personally, I would also tell this doc of my financial situation and see what he she recommends that may help you for long term care with a financial situation that fits your needs. And again IF it were me, I would cut out all the high caffiene drinks......... try a bland diet, high in protein and go to the doc on Monday. I am happy you have your g/f's support.
Take this one day at a time, please so it does not seem so overwhelming.
Let us know how it goes on Monday please.
Take this one day at a time, please so it does not seem so overwhelming.
Let us know how it goes on Monday please.
Be careful with the Ultram. Its very mild but people think they can take that to ween off other painkillers but what they don't know is that it has the same molecular structure as morphine, and it will tear your stomach up. Go to the ER and talk to the Resident in charge and explain. They will point you in the right direction. Good Luck. And also it sounds like you are just WORN OUT and its taking its toll. Whats more important, your life or work? Who's gonna take care of those kids when Dads gone? its called taking some time for you to heal and be well.
Thanks Lateaqugust
I spend about 360 a month on Tramadol. I can't really find insurance for that little that will cover me seeing a doctor, or will let me get 4 prescriptions of Tramadol a month either. I get 4 bottles with 180 pills in each every month. Not by choice but by necessity. I NEED them to keep moving. I would quickly get insurance so I could see a doctor if I could afford that and my 4 prescriptions every month of Tramadol. I know I could get one covered by the insurance but I really do not think a doctor is going to write me a prescription for one if he knows I am getting 3 others 'off the books', and I won't lie to the doctor. I want him to know every detail of my life, medications, and habits so I get the right diagnosis.
I hope I can finds SOMETHING out on Monday when I see a doc. My girlfriend and I decided I HAVE to go see a doctor on Monday. Now I am just trying to figure out how I can fit that in with work. I can't miss too much work, especially with me spending the money on the doctor, that would be even more money lost if I miss work.
I spend about 360 a month on Tramadol. I can't really find insurance for that little that will cover me seeing a doctor, or will let me get 4 prescriptions of Tramadol a month either. I get 4 bottles with 180 pills in each every month. Not by choice but by necessity. I NEED them to keep moving. I would quickly get insurance so I could see a doctor if I could afford that and my 4 prescriptions every month of Tramadol. I know I could get one covered by the insurance but I really do not think a doctor is going to write me a prescription for one if he knows I am getting 3 others 'off the books', and I won't lie to the doctor. I want him to know every detail of my life, medications, and habits so I get the right diagnosis.
I hope I can finds SOMETHING out on Monday when I see a doc. My girlfriend and I decided I HAVE to go see a doctor on Monday. Now I am just trying to figure out how I can fit that in with work. I can't miss too much work, especially with me spending the money on the doctor, that would be even more money lost if I miss work.
I am going to go in to a doctor on Monday. I can't afford it but I have no choice. My only concern now is I know this is not something that will be handled with one visit, so it seems kind of pointless, there is no way I can go again after that visit, no way at all.
Thanks wildwoodone for the advice. I don't think they did an upper GI, I don't know what that is but they just looked at me with ultrasound and put me inside of the MRI, other than that it was just blood/urine testing. I think I may have an ulcer, but I really think there is something else wrong, I mean the infection I had started in my face, it was black and putrid but I sort of 'cut' it out myself. There is a small scar where it was (just under and to the right of my right eye, on the top of the check bone) then it went into my underarm (same side of the body) and made huge putrid 'bumps' which I lanced myself with a sewing needle. It then moved to my right leg (same side of the body again) in the back of leg (where the lymph nodes are) and became really, really, huge, the size of a baseball, and I could not walk on it. That was my first visit to a doctor/emergency room in 10+ years, and I probably would be dead, or without my leg now, if it wasn't for my girlfriend, which I reluctantly let her pay for me to see the doctor since she said she didn't want me to 'get dead' on her. Other than for her I would have tried to let it run its course like I have done my whole life, or tried to treat it myself (lance it myself). I can not let her pay again, she makes half what I make an hour and only works part time, it is a sick joke that she should pay for me to see a doctor. I should be taking care of her. But I hope the doctor can tell me something promising. I really do not think I will last like this for much longer. Though it seems even without the Tramadol (which I really think is slowly poisoning/killing me) that won't change my work schedule, and I think that is going to do me in anyways. I am 32 years old now, until this year I still was carded for cigarettes. I seriously could pass for 19/20 years old. Now I have light crows feet some grey hairs coming out of my head (i pluck them but they are still there) and now I never get carded for anything, I think I have aged a decade in the last year. Its like "Faces of Meth" but I don't use Meth, only I don't use that ****. Only Tramadol and energy drinks/coffee and cigarettes. If you knew me you would see, I feel like I am fading away very quickly. Even now I have already today taken 24 Tramadols, had 2 of the tiny 5-hour energy shots, 1 of the rock star energy shots, and one of the jolt energy shots, a venti machiato, and I am finishing my second rockstar kettle. Even with all of that I feel exhausted, and I have only been working since for 8 hours today, but I feel like I have been working for 2 days without sleep, and I had 6 good hours of sleep last night. I hope something changes soon. I don't need a doctor to tell me my life won't last much longer going the way I am.
Thanks wildwoodone for the advice. I don't think they did an upper GI, I don't know what that is but they just looked at me with ultrasound and put me inside of the MRI, other than that it was just blood/urine testing. I think I may have an ulcer, but I really think there is something else wrong, I mean the infection I had started in my face, it was black and putrid but I sort of 'cut' it out myself. There is a small scar where it was (just under and to the right of my right eye, on the top of the check bone) then it went into my underarm (same side of the body) and made huge putrid 'bumps' which I lanced myself with a sewing needle. It then moved to my right leg (same side of the body again) in the back of leg (where the lymph nodes are) and became really, really, huge, the size of a baseball, and I could not walk on it. That was my first visit to a doctor/emergency room in 10+ years, and I probably would be dead, or without my leg now, if it wasn't for my girlfriend, which I reluctantly let her pay for me to see the doctor since she said she didn't want me to 'get dead' on her. Other than for her I would have tried to let it run its course like I have done my whole life, or tried to treat it myself (lance it myself). I can not let her pay again, she makes half what I make an hour and only works part time, it is a sick joke that she should pay for me to see a doctor. I should be taking care of her. But I hope the doctor can tell me something promising. I really do not think I will last like this for much longer. Though it seems even without the Tramadol (which I really think is slowly poisoning/killing me) that won't change my work schedule, and I think that is going to do me in anyways. I am 32 years old now, until this year I still was carded for cigarettes. I seriously could pass for 19/20 years old. Now I have light crows feet some grey hairs coming out of my head (i pluck them but they are still there) and now I never get carded for anything, I think I have aged a decade in the last year. Its like "Faces of Meth" but I don't use Meth, only I don't use that ****. Only Tramadol and energy drinks/coffee and cigarettes. If you knew me you would see, I feel like I am fading away very quickly. Even now I have already today taken 24 Tramadols, had 2 of the tiny 5-hour energy shots, 1 of the rock star energy shots, and one of the jolt energy shots, a venti machiato, and I am finishing my second rockstar kettle. Even with all of that I feel exhausted, and I have only been working since for 8 hours today, but I feel like I have been working for 2 days without sleep, and I had 6 good hours of sleep last night. I hope something changes soon. I don't need a doctor to tell me my life won't last much longer going the way I am.
Wow, not sure what to say, but I am truly sorry you are having such a hard time........ How much do you spend for the Tramadol a month or week? I am assuming with no insurance or prescription(?) you are buying off the streets? Could this money be redirected to a family doc? Have you checked on line for any state insurance you may qualify? Most states have some policies available and they look at net pay not gross, after all your expenditures,i.e. child support, have been removed from your salary..... (Not DSHS but alternative State insurance) If you live in a larger city or close to any colleges, medical universities, they accept patients for medical and dental students (working with an accredited physicians) to treat people at a greatly reduced rate. You also may want to check with your local mental health department....... or any and all social service agencies in your town. Sometimes it takes several calls and waiting on hold to get to a person that can help you with your medical needs, but there is help out there..even if it is just some emotional support. As you have access to a computer, I would check out every state, county and city social service agency where you live asking for some help. Also you could write (again on line via your PC) to your local congressperson, representative or senator for assistance in medical care. You are not asking for handout, you are requesting assistance with your medical needs. Please take the time to check into any and all resources that you can find in your Yellow pages, on-line, and please check your state city and county agencies in the white pages of your telephone dicrectory as well, that pertain to social services and your political representatives.
I wish for you to find some solutions to your needs. Godspeed and take good care.
I wish for you to find some solutions to your needs. Godspeed and take good care.
You have got to find out what is the matter with you. Go to the doctor and if you can't pay maybe they will set up an arrangement plan with them. You have something serious going on that the Tramadol may be making worse. Did they do an upper GI?? It sure sounds like an ulcer, etc. Please get help.
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