I can finally see some hope...

[Kylie4501]

Hey everyone,

Today I finally feel a little more normal. I am so thankful for these good days! This last weekend was horrible with sleep and fatigue. Extremely HORIIBLE and I am so happy to be off of Tramadol, but yet when I think about it, I can't help but feel sad that I can't have another one.

Has anyone else been unable to take certain mutli-vitamins? I was taking D3, Cal/Mag/Zinc, B12 Gummy and a Multi...and during those days, I would get very light headed when I stood up from a sitting position. I know it sounds weird, but I really think I am the type of person who can't take any supplements. They affect me. I always made sure I ate a decent amount of food with them, and still would get dizzy. Now today is day two not taking anything and I feel pretty good and am not dizzy at all.

I am trying really hard to push forward, the mental part s hell trying to tell your brain that you CAN live without Tramadol!!

[gnarly_1]

Hey Kylie.....N/A is a fellowship of men and wemen who help each other stay clean....it is a combination of meetings and a 12 step progam that will help you deal with the addict inside you it will teach you skills and help repair the train wreck your life has become in active addiction as I have said in the other post  the meetings give you some place to share what is going on in your head  long after the pills stop you still think like a addict  N/A treats the addict inside you with this program you can recover and start  a new life drug free ....most of us where scard of our first meeting  but most of us also found it to be a sanctuary for help  the support is ausum and one addict helping another is without parallel ....so stoep out of your comfort zone google a meeting near you and go  you wont regret it and you wont feel alone in this anymore  If it will work for a old dope fiend like me it will work for anoyone.............Gnarly

[brownvelvet]

hey Kylie
There were times when I thought I wished I could take a tramadol...I hate alcohol and i would tell myself I deserved to "wind down" like all my friends who would have a glass of wine....but it never stops at one....and it never feels as good as you remember....thats how I feel now....tramadol isnt the "reward" or a long day or the answer to a difficult situation....it was poisoning my life and making me numb to the sweetness of life...the richness of life....it robbed me of that and I held the door as it stole things from inside of me....
I dont know why this time is different or why I feel as sure as I do that I do not want any more pills....I can only hope I dont fall victim to any whispers....talking helps whether here or anywhere I think

[Kylie4501]

Can you explain NA to me please...

Ive never looked into it and am scared to go to a place where people know the real me and afraid of anyone else finding out. What kind of steps do they do?

[gnarly_1]

Hi Kylie  good to see your spirit is up  this is all about attitude   this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental so be ready to fight it out on both fronts  you said this is your second time around  this can be your last time but it takes work  just because you stop the pills does not = recovery the addict in your head is alive and well and doing push/ups in your driveway  waiting for a weak moment....for most of us with some clean time we will all tell you you need some sort of aftercare....some like tharipist  some like addiction counselors others a 12 step progam...now for me I have tryed most  but it wasent until I hot the rooms of N/A that I was no longer a slave to this disease it is free the meetings are only a hour long and once you go threw the steps you can loose the desire to use.....something I thought was impossible on the other forms of aftercare I used  give N/A a try it will give you some place to share where the people will understand this in itself is worth a few hour meetings a week  just know this  it takes less work doing aftercare then it does using 24/7 google a N/A meeting near you and go this is a critical part of your recovery
keep posting for support ..........Gnarly

[Frogger76]

Hey there, just wanted to throw some support and encouragement your way!!  Though it may not feel like it to you, your doing a fantastic job. Having no access to them is key. Keep pushing and fighting with everything in you, dig deep. Take care, your doing great!!

[Kylie4501]

That's a funny song!

Thank you guys for always commenting on supporting me. I do feel great today and am determined to live a healthy life, especially for my amazing young kids that are only 3 and 2 years old. They deserve the best because they are the best thing to ever happen to me. Oh gosh, now I am tearing up just thinking about how I could not quit for them. Its a sad struggle to be addicted to something, I don't wish it upon anyone!! I WILL do this and will not turn back. This is my second time quitting and I have ZERO ways of getting anymore pills. Thanks again for everything!!

[VICourageous]

How funny, I used that song in one of my dance performances..Ha!!

Now "YOU need a Friend"..A New Friend..Ha!

[clean_in_ks]

This is great to read, Kylie, that you are finally feeling better!!
As for the getting light headed in your early days when you got up from a seated position....I did the very same thing....for over 2 weeks and my b/p was VERY low.  It was all part of w/drawals for me and I just had to learn to get up SLOWLY.  I wouldn't think nutritional supplements would cause it but that's just my opinion.

I know it's been very hard for you to "break up with your lover", Tramadol.  Have you thought about writing a goodbye letter to your ex-lover (Trams)?
Also, try listening to Paul Simon's song, "50 Ways to Leave your Lover".
Here's a link to one of my journals where I posted the lyrics.  I heard that song somewhere along the line in my early recovery and it just NAILED it for me.....there are lots of ways to leave the old loves that were destroying us...we just have to tell them goodbye....somehow, someway~

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/766965/BREAKING-UP-WITH-MY-LOVER-

[VICourageous]

Hello Kylie!!!

YOU ARE DOING WONDERFUL & CONGRATS ON THAT!

Very Nice and I am so glad you are feeling a bit better. I am not to sure why those vit/min would do that, but some of them are not as natural and have Additives in them.

NOW!! I am not trying to be a know it all or mean, however, I have or was in this Circus for many, many of Years.
This is the Time we have to really reach out for Support!!!!
Your Brain is going to want that Pleasure again and it will play the tape back over and over. Life might not be going to good, or you can get all kinds of curve balls thrown at you. Maybe you even stubbed you toe! Och! Anything could trigger us to use. There were times during my Recovery I had to UP my Support even. This is a serious disease and it will try to take you down. Just ALWAYS keep that Armour on and that Guard Up at all times against this beast.

You have come way to far to go back again!
Bless