I desperately need help with codeine addiction

[poetrybabe]

Hi there, Can anyone out there PLEASE help me ? I am a 33 year old woman and have been addicted to codeine 30/500 tablets for 15 years for chronic back ache. Over the past few years I have seen my life slide out of control but I need to change it now. I didn't realise there were other people like me out there. I feel as if I want to end it all now. I have tried to wean myself off the tablets gradually but it doesn't work so am now on first day of cold turkey. I relapsed once before but I can't do it this time as I am frightened I will die soon cos of my addiction. I know I face a hellish few days and am in tears as I write this. I am a worthless human being who has allowed myself to become addicted to a drug I genuinely didn't know was addictive. Can ANYONE out there please offer me some words of advice or motivation ? Has anyone out there beaten their own addiction to codeine ? I'd love to hear from you as I am in the bowels of hell at the moment. Thanks  Poetrybabe xxx

[poetrybabe]

I am so glad this is helping you too ! Feeling like slime on a daily basis is not great to live with is it ? Just knowing that this is helping you makes my wd hell feel more worthwhile though. I am an addict. I will always be a drug addict but I WILL be a clean addict soon . Keep reading please . ( And remember we are in this together)

[Givitup]

This has been such a great post.  I can so relate to feeling ahamed and worthless. I read this forum daily now although, I do not post much.   It is helping me so much to hear that people actually feel exactly like I do.  And to remember, we are not bad or worthless.  We are just dealing with a disease we did NOT choose to have.  Thanks for everyone's honesty.  

[poetrybabe]

You are fabulous ! I am sweating like crazy and feel as if every nerve in my body is being electrocuted in sporadic little bursts. My head is killing me and I want to cry and go home but I know I can't. I can't give in this time. How are you ?

[poetrybabe]

Thank you so much ! I'm having a tough day and am sweating furiously and feel as if I'm getting flu. This is nothing compared to how really low I feel about myself though. I will work on my self esteem one day but for now I need to beat this hell !

[alexandra fox]

Uber - very well put, beautiful, and very true.

Poetry - gosh, 900mg, that is a fair whack, and I'm sure you are feeling it well and truly by now. I have posted on the forum about how I am doing, so wont repeat here - but I will say, by all means take comfort from the fact that at this exact moment, as you are feeling so lousy and aching all over, there is another person (actually probably thousands) going through pretty much the same. Except for the galloping trotskis hahaha, so far I have been spared that!

I also really want to repeat what uber said above - no such thing as failure, the only failure is to stop trying to quit. It took me umpteen times to stop heroin, ten or so hospital detoxes, many more at home detoxes, methadone, counselling, meetings - year after year with no success. I hated my guts and thought I was the weakest piece of s h i t loser on this planet. But I did not stop trying, I kept doing NA meetings, kept trying to get fit, read self help books, constantly trying to stop and hating myself for not making it.

Until one detox, I did make it.

And was clean for 5 good years before migranes/stress headaches led me to codeine. Took it correctly for ages, and then one day crossed that boundary and took too many, and here I am hanging out from opiates again.

I really believe that from each of your attempts, you learn something, and each attempt is you telling yourself and the universe that you want to quit. Delete failure from your addiction/recovery vocabulary :-)

How are you doing on the mental/emotional front? How are you going physically? Any thoughts for an after care plan?

I shall keep looking out for you, glad there is someone else doing this with me. Hang in there

Alex

[uberadtx]

Poet: I am glad you are taking action against your addiction.  Codeine is horrible.  That drug brought me down soo fast at one point it scared me to death.  Do yourself a favor and do not say you have failed miserably regarding your other attempts to stop.  Addiction and Recovery are journeys.  They are not races, contests or olympic competitions.  For some people relapse is part of their recovery.  It doesn't have to be, but sometimes it is.  There is no perfection in recovery either which is awesome because I am so not perfect.  Your addiction will always be there but you only have to recover once from it if you want to. CATUF is a wonderful example of what can happen when an addict recovers.  Its beautiful!  And it reminds me of how lucky we all are to have this very moment in recovery.  It doesn't matter if you have 10 minutes or 10 years clean, all of us are learning a little more about ourselves, maybe even learning to like ourselves again.  For me, recovery has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I thought burying my parents, being sexually assaulted or losing my best friend were hard but finding out who I really am and learning to love that person has been all at once the easiest and hardest moments of my life.  And I wouldn't trade it for another drink or drug.  I had no idea I could feel soo fulfilled by just sitting by myself.  Its amazing.  And you have the opportunity to experience that for yourself. You know, if recovery wasnt so great there wouldn't be soo many of us here.  Reach out when you have to and keep us posted.