I desperately need help with codeine addiction

[poetrybabe]

Hi there, Can anyone out there PLEASE help me ? I am a 33 year old woman and have been addicted to codeine 30/500 tablets for 15 years for chronic back ache. Over the past few years I have seen my life slide out of control but I need to change it now. I didn't realise there were other people like me out there. I feel as if I want to end it all now. I have tried to wean myself off the tablets gradually but it doesn't work so am now on first day of cold turkey. I relapsed once before but I can't do it this time as I am frightened I will die soon cos of my addiction. I know I face a hellish few days and am in tears as I write this. I am a worthless human being who has allowed myself to become addicted to a drug I genuinely didn't know was addictive. Can ANYONE out there please offer me some words of advice or motivation ? Has anyone out there beaten their own addiction to codeine ? I'd love to hear from you as I am in the bowels of hell at the moment. Thanks  Poetrybabe xxx

[imanaddict]

Thank you for posting that!! You just described everything that I felt too and seeing it in words puts it into perspective. Thanks again!!!

[imanaddict]

See! How can such a sweet individual be so worthless? And thank YOU for the kind words, it made my day!

[CATUF]

I don't know you, but I can tell you a couple of things:  1) You're not worthless; and 2) You did not "allow" yourself to become addicted.

Addiction is not something we allow.  It's a thing that happens regardless of what we want.  Nobody intends to become addicted.  They may think they can beat the odds or they may, like you, not be aware that they are playing with fire.  It doesn't really matter - nobody chooses the living hell of active addiction.  

I used to condem myself for "ALLOWING" my addiction.  I thought that somehow I should have been better than that . . . stronger than that . . . smarter than that . . . .  It was clear to me that I was worthless.  Morning after morning after morning, I'd lock myself in the bathroom to start my day the way I needed to, by taking two and snorting one.  Then look at myself in the mirror and say "You, my friend, are a worthless drug addict." I meant it.  I meant every word, every time.

My secret joy had become my secret shame.

I was in Recovery for quite a while before I came to understand something that was important and true:  I wasn't a bad person that needed to become good again, I was a sick person that needed to become well again.

By the time I realized that I was getting in trouble with pain killers, there was no "getting" about it.  I had actually been in trouble for far longer than I knew and I was already in WAY over my head.  I almost killed myself trying to fix it myself.  My addiction lasted for years, I lost all my money and "things" and I almost died.  I think that was necessary for me -- at least it was a dynamic tutor.  Perhaps it won't be necessary for you.

Ask for help, poetrybabe.  Becoming honest, open and willing with family, friends and people in Recovery will save your life.  Living in shame, secrecry and fear will kill you.  

CATUF
Day-889

[poetrybabe]

Thanks for your powerful words of advice and wisdom ! I haven't heard of suboxone but I'm just about to check it out now ! I'm forever in your gratitude and you are forever in my thoughts

[poetrybabe]

Thank you SO much for replying to me ! Now I don't feel quite so alone. You sound like such a strong, confident, wonderful person. May all your days be filled with love and laughter and happiness !

[imanaddict]

I ended my addiction (Norco) by using suboxone. Have you ever heard of it? I posted information about it on my profile. You are NOT a worthless human being, that is the addiction talking. You, just like so many of us, have actual pain and probably had drs. hand the meds to you like candy. Addiction can be overcome! So many of us have done it, or are trying to do it. this forum will really help you through it, so if you have any questions, don't hesitate to keep posting away!!!