Im back-needin support more now than ever!

[crystalbluemy3]

First off, a huge thank you to everyone who wrote to me. you all are so kind and unbeleivably sweet. I havent been on here the past few day NOT because  I failed...I am proud to say today is day 15 still clean! I ment it, NO more vicodine use ever! I had to remind myself of that this weekend, see, I have a 12 yr. old daughter who has severe ADD and (agressive defiance disorder) and  ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). her behavior has been getting worse over the past few weeks I noticed. she is usually honor roll at school, now low grades, she beat up a boy and then same day (thurs) when she got home from school she kicked her kitten so hard in the tummy I freaked out! luckily, kitty was ok! but I realized that she was NOT! I called our crisis councelor who handles my daughter's case. they sent a psychiatrist out to the house that nite (Fri nite). as they were assessing her, found out she had been faking taking her meds! she hasnt been taking them for months! then all of a sudden she had a very violent nervous breakdown. sad to say, they had to take her away in an ambulance to the hospital. she is still there and has to stay there to have her medications adjusted, her mental state assessed and adjusted, etc, etc. this has never happened before. I mean yes, shes had good days and bad days, just like any other kid with this disorder but wow. Im scared, scared, scared! the  hospital shes at is in another town (mine so small they dont have one) so me with no car I cant even get there to see her. she cries to me on the phone constantly. shes scared and confused. I keep reassuring her and telling her that the dr's there are all there to help her and she just needs to behave and listen to them and soon she can come home. I feel so F ing helpless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  she's my baby! only 12 yrs old! I have already lost one child to a tragic death so whenever anything happens to one of my 2 daughters I truely freak out. even thou I know my daughter is not going to die, I still get that overwhelming ice cold fear. I am powerless! yesterday was my 2 weeks clean. I didnt feel like it but I went to my 2nd NA meeting. to top it off, it was what would have been my deceased Son's 25th birthday that day. to be honest, if anyone would have offered me drugs, I might have took them,Im not sure. but I didnt. and Im not planning on it either. just wondering why all this horrible crap keeps happening to me. SERIOUSLY wondering if someone has put a curse on me. (I now that sounds crazy). I dont want to ever use drugs again but Im alone, no friends, no relatives here, just me and my 15 yr old daughter at home now. am holdin it together for her, but when she at school today, I fell apart. I havnt slept, eaten or exersized since all this happened. I feel paralized in fear. anyone out there have a child with this condition can give me any advice or support?? crystalblue

[pharma9]

OMG..you have had so much happen to you and you are at a very vulnerable time as well.Good for you hanging in and trying your best.Sometimes we have no control over what happens and the only control you have right now is over the drugs.Keep hanging in and soon your daughter will be straightened out with her meds and things will get back to normal.We will send positive cyberthoughts your way and remember your friends here hope the best for you and your family.

[dedicatedtostop]

I am sorry you have to go through this. I will pray for you and your daughter. God has a will in all our our lives, sometimes we don't understand. But know he loves you and your daughter! Congrats on 15 days keep up the great work, stay positive and focused. Pray w all your heart and believe that's in all in Gods hands