I'm new and need some help and information.

[info]

Hi everyone. I just found this site today and I'm not sure if I'm even in the right place, so if I'm not, could someone direct me? It looks like I am supposed to ask the doctor a question first, is this right?
I'm not savvy with the internet,  and I have been trying to find an on-line place where I can get real time help from people who have been there. I am sitting here with tears of frustration because I don't know what to do about my husband and I am isolated. I have no family or friends in the area, and no car of my own.
I won't go into the whole story until I find out if I am in the right place or not. I have so many questions I don't know where to begin.
I have quickly skimmed over the threads here any it looks like many have the same problems he has with narcotic pills and drugs.  
Thanks in advance for any help or direction you can give me.

PS: I tried to find info and help in a Nar-anon site but there was nothing there.

[lisabet]

Just wondering how you're doing - haven't seen any posts from you for several days.  Hope all is well.  Keep in touch.  We care. Love, Lisabet

[Susie B]

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I'm trying to help my husband, too. I'm not a user of anything, so it makes it a little harder to relate, but when you really love someone, you feel thier pain. That doesn't make it any less frustrating and heartbreaking. Maybe we need a modified Alanon - Alanarc? Keep posting.

[sundara]

have been trying like heck to post question . . no luck . . anyone out there with experience with the naltronex/revia implant (opiate blocker). .. i had on implanted 14 days ago swollen sore . .doc prescribed steroids .. .4 days ago . .seemed to improve . . .,then hurt again, there's a lump and it's sore .. maybe normal . .don't want to go to clinic again (already put out $1400) . .. cheap compared to what i was paying for street drugs, however, wanting to talk with someone experienced . . .
please reply . . any knowledge would be appreciated ... had a 7 week implant - put in . . so i am already into day 15 with it in . .
PEACE/LOVE/UNDERSTANDING - SUNDARA !!!!!

[NAT21]

Hi, Im not sure what exactly to say, but I am married to an alcoholic and drug addict who has been  in and out of treatment nearly 70 different times. During the time we have been together, I have kept our lives together and been behind him in his treatment. My main concern is what I can do as far as not enabling him. We have only been married for 2  years and have a 17month old daughter. My husband has a habit of being clean and sober for months at a time and then relapsing. In the process, he leaves my daughter and I with nothing, no money, and vanishes until he resurfaces either inthe emergency room or at our front door...drunk. I have repeatedly let him come back, but I feel that this time is different and that I need to break ties with him in order to regain a sane life for myself and our child. Im in nursing school and need to have surgery soon. My husband is nowhere to be found. What advice can you give me regarding my role in his destructive behavior? He is 34years old and I am 22. How much of his behavior is addiction-related? Are there some people who live their entire lives like this?? Is my love for him simply a soft place to fall each time he disrupts our lives? Any advice would be welcomed. And if this is an inappropriate post for this site, please disregard!

Thanks!

[justme123]

I want to know what would show up as cocain in a urine drug test, that is not actualy the street drug cocain.

[passenby]

hi all, I'm new and just posted on another thread then it said no more room for comment does this mean I won't get any feed back ever? Just finding this forum by accident has helped so much. I 've been reading for two weeks and just got the guts to say anything.sure could use anyones helpif you read my post from other thread you will understand what the problem is.

[Slimmy]

Hi, Info.  I have just read your predicament and the valiant steps you and your husband have taken.  I'm curious where you found a detox program for $500.00?  I'm in California and the cheapest I have been quoted is $3,500 for a month.  Like your husband (at the start of your messages) my son is very thin, doesn't eat or drink much, his muscle tone has gone.  I have tried just about everywhere to get him help.  Some of the places don't even answer my e-mail when I ask for their costs.  They probably figure that if I have to ask, I can't afford it!  One who did reply even told me that the money is not the point (they quoted $18,000), it was my son's life at stake.  You can imagine how I felt.  I don't have $18,000, but would sell my soul for that amount if that what it takes to make my son better.

Anyway, I'm so glad to read that you 'stand by your man', as in the words of the song.  You must love him very much.  Hang in there, I'm sure with your support your husband will overcome.

Bless you

[Brody]

Hi info:

I have been reading your posts and the story sounds very familiar to me... my story. I'm a recovering addict and I was wondering if anyone has ever told you about Narcotics Anonymous. There is nothing like sitting around a room full of people who know what the hell you are going through. There are people there who are in all phases of recovery ranging from 1 day to 20+ years. I remember going to my first meeting and hearing a guy who had 10 years of clean time talking about how used to be just like me (or your husband), strung out on dope, and not thinking that there was any hope. I just stared at him because he looked so happy, and healthy, and he had just came in from work with his suit on. I couldn't belive he had ever been like me!! It gave me something I hadn't had before...HOPE!! I'm not saying the road is easy, and I'm not saying that once you put the drugs down everthing magically gets better, but Narcotics Anonymous saved my life. Most of us realized that in our addiction we were slowly committing suicide, but our addiction is so strong that we had lost the power to do anything about it. Narcotics Anonymous feels that the value of one addict helping another is without parallel. It makes pwerfect sense, because one addict can best understand and help another addict.

Well, that's my two sense for whatever's it worth. I will pray for you and your husband and as always, I thank God for another day clean.

[pammy0690]

You got the weight of the world on your shoulders right now.  Lisabet is correct in saying that it has to be 100% his choice to use or not.  If you decide to leave him or not must be 100% your choice as well.  Like I said before be careful of what he might promise or say to make it seem like he is going to get clean.  We addicts are expert liars and manulipulators.  Do not let him do that to you.  Can you take control of the finances?  That way you will have a roof over your head.  I think if you call AA they may be able to talk to you over the phone about Alnon or arrange to have someone pick you up for a meeting.  Also if you go to the AA website they will have information on how to deal with an addict.  Or go to the public library and find books on Alnon.  This will give you some direction as to what you can do to deal with him.  

Your story really touched me for some reason.  Maybe because you are supportive of your husband, or because you seem so nice.  I really want this to turn out for the best for YOU.  If that means that you have to leave or stay that is only for you decide.  I guess it is really what you are willing to put up with.  You can also call a professional counselor to help you through this trying time.  If you call your local office of mental health they should put you in contact with a free or low cost counselor.  I think another reason why your situation touched me is that I can see how much you care and how he continues to use dispite the fact that you are more than willing to help.  This proves that he is on his own and must decide for himself.  Please take care of yourself and keep your chin up!  Pamela

[info]

Thank you Pammy and Anhedonio for posting. I burst into tears when I read your posts. I have NO ONE to talk to about this, and you are a lifeline to me right now.

The thing about going to a meeting. I had a great little lease car for a few years, and planned on getting another one when the lease was up.
Well, it turned out that my husband spent all the money I was going to use for it on heroine. So, now I'm without a car, stuck in this house. I only get out a few times week to dash to the store for groceries or to see my doctors.

The thing that gets me is I have more real health problems than he does, but I live with the aches and pains. I can't even take over the counter tynenol due to a freak thing that happened to me.  He holds onto the "pain" he "thinks" he has as an excuse.  
Even if he tried and failed, at least he would have tried, know what I mean? I can't fault anyone for trying, even if it doesn't stick the first time. Or the second, or third, at least there is an EFFORT to have self awareness and live free.  

I don't want to see him in the angony of withdrawl, I really don't.
I almost died a few years ago from an allergic reaction to a medication I was prescribed and went into liver failure. I KNOW what suffering is. I was bedridden for months in such agony I couldn't even watch tv or talk on the phone.  I don't wish it on anyone, but its the only way he can heal and be free.
I KNOW how scared he must be to think of facing this, but I'm so frustrated at this situation I feel like I'm losing my mind.

He says he feels bad about all this, but??? He doesn't know how far he's fallen. He can't see it. And I can't make him see it. I fear he won't see it until he's in a jail cell or I'm gone.
I suspect if I leave him he will use hard until he's dead. I have that thought hanging over me.  I swear if it was legal I would comit him for as long as it takes. But I can't, I have no power at all. None.  

Anyway, I don't want to get off on a rant here. He just poked his head in the door and I have to see what he wants. Maybe this will be the time he tells me he's ready. Maybe...maybe...

Take care everyone, I admire and thank you all!

[lisabet]

Hi honey - I'm sorry things didn't work out as you hoped.  I sense you've reached the "end of your rope", and when that happens BELIEVE me, you'll know it.  The sad truth is, you can't "save" this man, as much as you care for him.  It has to be 100% HIS decision to get clean and stay that way. I know that makes you feel helpless, but if you look at it in a different way maybe it will actually "empower" you to admit and realize that it is not your responsibility, but his. You are only responsible for your own actions, not his. If he's hell-bent on killing himself with drugs, he'll do it with or without your support. I'm by no means an expert, but my gut advise is to take care of yourself right now, till you figure out what is best for YOU!!!  Take it a day at a time, info - I wish you peace of mind, and the means within yourself to find it.  Love you, Lisabet

[info]

Hi everyone. Well, my husband went right back to using. He told me its "just" methadone tablets but I think its more. (maybe even crack, I don't know)

I don't think I can take anymore of this. I just want to be away from it.
If he hadn't messed up our finances so bad, I think I would leave. I might still have to. I have a feeling he is trading his future paycheck for it. I came into this marriage will all the money and most of it is gone now. Ah well, I always thought I was brighter than that. Guess I'm not because here I am. I had choices and I choose him, so I have only myself to blame for that.

He doesn't just have a monkey on his back, he has a HUGE GORILLA sitting on his head. I can't fight it.

I don't even think in-house de-tox and in-house re-hab will help him at this point. That VA doctor filled his head with a promise of free methadone, that put an idea in his head that wasn't there before.
Even if he did make it to the pain doc, found a way to pay for it, and even if the pain doc agreed, and even if my husband got the free 4 tabs of 10ml methadone from the VA, he would probably end up trading it out, or abusing it somehow. I just know it.

I have been reading everyone's courageous fights against the monster here, and I realize some have fallen off only to get back up again. I commend you. I would be happy with an effort at this point, and although he says not to give up, that he is thinking about it, I feel myself giving up more and more everyday and turning my thoughts to building a new life for myself, somehow. 12 years is just too long, and this last year was the iceing on the cake.

Sorry I couldn't come on here and give better news, I haven't posted for days hoping that things would turn around so I could have something other than this to report.

Thanks for all your help and kind words last week, I really appriciate it.
I wish your efforts could have paid off more. It must feel good when you get to actually help someone. Keep up the good work. If anything changes I'll let you know. I still lurk here cheering you on.
Maybe when I get over my poor me phase I'll be able to do more than just cheer you silently.
  

[pammy0690]

I am so glad that you posted.  So many poeple tend to fade into the background here especially when things do not go as planned.  I was afraid that you were in danager of a huge manulipulation from your husband.  See that is what we addicts do when we are at our worse is hurt the ones we love.  Sad as it is your husband isn't convience that there is no way out but quitting yet.  Hopefully he gets there soon.  In the meantime you have big decisions to make for your own sanity.  Do yourself a favor and attend an alanon meeting or two.  This is the best group to learn how to cope with living with an addict.   The group leaders would have good insight on how you can be kind to yourself.  You should be able to find one in your area call the number in the phone book for AA and ask where the next Alnon meeting is.

Secondly, methadone is a strong, strong, strong med.  There are poeple who have quit and suffered intensely while trying to quit.  Some even for months after being clean.  There are people who swear by it for pain.  These poeple are poeple who have had mutlipule surguries or cancer and really truely cannot get pain relief from regular meds.  Methadone maintance should not be entered into lightly as a quick fix for an addiction.  Wouldn't four days of detox be better than months of pain?  Just make sure he understands what he is getting himself into.  Most likey he is only thinking "I feel better" and can go on with his buziness but he could wind up with a bigger problem on his hands.

Again I am so happy that you checked in.  This is a great forum.  Mr Michael knows a lot about Methadone and is a great person to ask questions to if you would like to know exactly how it works!  God bless you!  Pamela

[Anhedonio]

Hi

[lisabet]

Hi honey - like I said in a previous post, you can't be responsible for your hubby's usage or recovery - he has to do it for himself. You really-really need to take care of yourself right now. He's really lucky to have such a great partner as yourself, but don't try to "save" him.  He is responsible for his own recovery - to be honest, you don't have anything to do with it, except for giving him your support.  So let yourself off the hook (without guilt)... don't coddle him; let him know you support him in his decisions---remember, you can't control this horrible thing called "addiction". To a degree, you have to let it go, and let your hubby take charge of his own recovery, however he chooses to do so. You'll be in my prayers; how badly he wants to recover is an indication of how well he'll do, IMHO.  At this point, it's really up to him.  Love/Peace, Lisabet

[info]

Pamela, I forgot to thank you in my last post, so, thanks! Like said in my very first post here, I am not savvy with the internet, and really don't know how I found my way here, but I'm glad I did.

You guys have helped me from completely freaking out over the last few days. I thank you all for my husband's sake.

I tried to get him to stop abusing the monthly pills from the VA for years, but it fell on deaf ears. I finally gave up somewhere along the way, its been exhausting. I hope this is the bottom, I can't let myself think of what might be if its not. Not right now, I have to try and stay focused on the moment. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, though.

I am going to push this de-tox center when he gets home. Pray for us that he hasn't scored to his satisfation by then. If he comes home feeling comfortable this will all go out the window. I just know it.
I'll post back later and tell you what happened.

[pammy0690]

If they will take him that will be the best place for him.  They can medicate the withdrawal and give him the much needed counseling and support.  This way you will know he is safe and can get a little rest yourself.  Tell him not to worry about the money right now, easier said than done.  The important thing is that he gets better!  Keep posting and again you are a great wife and a wonderful person.  I think many of us wished we had someone as caring as you on our sides!  PAmela

[info]

A new development.
I found a de-tox center that offers viseral as a med to help with de-tox.

I was given this when I had to have surgery last year, and I didn't remember anything for days. Also, I know this is the med that was given to his mother when she was dying a few years ago, and it put her in a coma-like state.

He called me this morning from work, and evidently couldn't find anything satisfactory, he sounded awful.
He is now seriously considering checking into that de-tox center if they can offer him something to more or less knock him out for a few days. He is already part of the way there, and just wants to get it over with at this point.
He knows he can't do it on his own.
It seems like this situation is changing from hour to hour, and being a planner type of person, its hard for me but I'm trying to be flexable and go with flow.

He is also VERY worried about the financial toll this is taking. He justified his pill use for years because he was getting them free from the VA, but this has morphed into a whole new thing. He has done some sneaky things to get money too.  He sold his wedding ring, and hocked our lawn equipment.
I know he feels awful about this, and suspect he stepped up the drug use to get away from these feelings. (along with the physical part of it)
His mother always drummed into his head not to let anything or anyone make you feel guilty about anything, and take a pill if that helps. (I'm dead serious about this) I know nobody wants to hear about her but I had to get that out. She was a HORRIBLE mother to him. There, I said it.
I am also worried he WILL be able to find "somthing" and just say nuts to getting clean.

Anyway, I was able to get a ball park figure of about 500.00. This will hurt as he spent so much on that stupid two week crack binge he was on,  but I'll find a way if he is on board and you guys think it is a good idea.
They said if he stays semi-detoxed until he checks in, it might be as short as 3 days but maybe as long as a week. He says he can manage this with his job. (tell them he needs another small surgery, he won't need a note)

What do you guys think? He gets home around 3:00, and the de-tox place said he needs to call them himself for futher questions. Has anyone has experince with visterol in de-tox? They also said they offer about 20 differents meds to help with all sorts of withdrawls.

I am confused because the other de-tox center I called said they don't even offer in-house de-tox anymore for opiate withdrawl, and no meds at all. How could two different de-tox centers be so different?

I am getting more tired and confused as the days go on. I wish I could get him to sit long enough to read here himself and maybe get a dialog going, but he is too uncomfortable for that right now. He HAS been listening to what you all are saying through me, though.

  

[pammy0690]

Hi I haven't posted to you yet but I have been following your story.  An important question to ask is what does you husband want to do?  Does he want off the drugs completely?  Does he want to do Methadone maintance?  Or a suboxone detox?  You have to remember that the problem lays in him and you can be there for him and support his choices but the choices are his.  I had to learn this the hard way in my own marriage.  He has to want to be clean to stay clean.  Remember that addicts are sneaky, and manlipulative. He may have setbacks and relapses.  Addicts make promises and break them.  I know because I have done that myself.  He really must take it one day at a time.  If you talk to any old timer in AA they know that they can't promise they are not going to drink ever again but they can not drink for a minute or a hour.  Keep trying to get him professional help but involve him in the process and see what he really wants.  Also do some online research about methadone mantianance and suboxone.  Good luck!  You are really a wonderful and caring wife.  He is lucky to have you! Pamela

[lisabet]

Will have you in my thoughts and prayers; Wednesday will be a turning point (hopefully) for both you and your hubby.  Although he is fighting it, I agree with Thomas; it sounds like it would be most beneficial for him to be admitted to get the help he needs.  Right now, don't worry about him losing his job, etc.  Things really do have a way of working out for the best.  Just take it a day at a time, and don't forget to take care of YOU.  Love, Lisabet

[Chezz2]

Info,

Glad to see you are hanging in there.
Sorry to hear about the doc appt. PERSONALLY I think that doc is an idiot, and is not concerned for the well being of your husband. From your assessment you provided to us, he is in for a hell of a ride, and I doubt it will end. I assume he won't be able to hang and when he goes to work, he will take care of the situation the only way he knows how, getting more meds/drugs.
I am sorry to say that. But he REALLY NEEEEEEDS to be in in-house detox right now. The VA doc should have seen that and taken care of him. Instead he said, in essence - I know he has been addicted for years, the pain is in his head, he can suffer for a couple weeks, and then will be fine.
Personally I don't see that as the outcome of this. Nor do I think he should have to suffer through this. Especially with having the VA right there that should take care of him. Although I am a disabled vet also and know all too well how it can go. Luckily I don't have to deal with the VA yet.
I wish the best for you and your husband. I also hope he can get access to the medical treatment he NEEDS.
I am sorry for the "neg" response. But I am just so pissed he didn't get taken care of. Nor do I think, in his case, that just simply cutting him off and sending him prozac is going to work for him.
Chezz

BTW - The prozac won't do much for him. So don't think of it as a silver liner. Not to mention, anti-depressants can take 3 weeks to work - for what they are made for DEPRESSION, not full-blown detox, which you husband will be in very soon.

That VA doc needs to get HIS head checked.

[info]

Hi everyone. We made it to the doctors, but my husband almost chickened out at the last minute.
I have met this VA doctor before, he is smart and very nice.
He has know for years that my husband has a drug problem, and wasn't surprised to hear about the added drugs.
He said my husband was in no danger, and didn't feel he was in physical withdrawl at the moment. He did a two year stint in de-tox or something like that, I can't remember.
The doctor felt most concerned for me (he said I was remarkable) whatever, that doesn't help my husband.

Anyway, he is precribing Prosac for his depression, and it will be mailed to the house in a few days.
Of course, now my husband won't get any more Lortab, and he is trying hard not to cry about it. Literally.  
My husband can go up to the regional VA 5 days a week if he wants, and get free psych counceling about this. He can also get outpatient re-hab if he wants. The doctor agreed that keeping his job is important.

VA doctors pretty much go with the flow. If they see a patient who is hell bent on being a drug addict, they do what they can to minimized the risk.

So, he proposed that my husband go to a private pain management doctor,(he recomended one by name)  tell him that he has cronic pain from his military injury, (supported with records) and that methodone has been the only thing that has helped.
Side note here: the 3-4 months my husband was on methadone, it did help the pain, but the pain is *mostly* in his head, the doctor knows this.

Then, if the pain managment doctor is willing to recomend that my husband be on methodone for pain, the VA doctor is willing to give him a prescription for it. This will be at no cost.

We don't have private insurance, and pain management doctors are very expensive! And, there is no garantee that the pain managment doctor will go along with this. What a mess.
My husband is in bed sulking right now, and WILL go to work tomorrow but not before he gets some pills to get him through the day. I am not deluding myself.
I might as well in be withdrawl myself, every muscle in my body aches right now from stress. I've had it with everything.

The only ray of hope I have right now is that the Prosac will help somehow. My husband DOES realize the mess he has made with all this, so I am hoping he will at least try and curb it somewhat until he can see if the Prosac can help him with the mental withdrawl. He looks better right now than he has in a while. His eyes are clear and his face is not sunken in like it was on Monday. The RLS has slowed down too. I have been masaging his legs and that seems to help.
But, he says he is in mental agony. I can see this is far from over. Lord, give me strength.
And, thanks to everyone for listening and responding.  
If anyone has any suggestions on what to do now, they are welcomed.

[lisabet]

Info - I agree with Chezz and Thomas - it would have been better if your hubby had been admitted and treated accordingly. Personally, right now, I'm more concerned with your well-being. It sounds you're exhausting yourself trying to take care of him. Please realize his recovery is totally his decision; I'm impressed by the fact you're standing by him and trying to help but in the end it's totally up to him to come to terms with his own recovery.  Please don't feel it's up to you to protect and "save" him; it's just too much to ask of yourself. Maybe you need to mentally "separate" a little and start taking care of yourself first, and try to be there for him emotionally but let him know he's the one in charge of his own recovery. Don't know if this makes any sense, but I feel you need to start thinking of yourself a little more, and for God's sake, get some rest.  Love ya, Lisabet

[info]

Chezz, thanks for your response. I didn't think your post was negative, just that you care.  I was disappointed too, but I am trying to maintain and not freak out in front of my husband.

This doctor has been his doctor for years. He knows every test, every x-ray, every surgery, all his blood work, everything.  His blood pressure, temp, etc were normal.  The VA does NOT offer de-tox, what else could he have done?
I said, so he doesn't need to be hosptialized? And he said for what?
I said for withdrawl, and he said my husband was showing no physical signs of it and he was fine otherwise. (he DID look MUCH better today than he did Monday night)

I asked about Subutex/Subutone and the VA doesn't carry it yet. He said at this point, its all up to my husband on what will happen next. If my husband wants in-house re-hab he is welcome to it, but its not de-tox and its up to him to go sign up.  The doctor can't make him do it.

I thought of another plan, and I ran it by him, but right now he is "tweaking".
He said he would think about this.

I thought, since the pain specialist is so expensive, and there is no garantee that he will end up with the methadone, why not spend the money on Subutex/Subutone instead? Why go into a life on methadone? Or, would he have to see a pain specialist anyway to get the Subutex? Could he just take the Subutex for 30 days and would this help?
I am trying to think of anything to help at this point. He has shown some willingness to think about a life without drugs but I am so in the dark about what to do.

The de-tox centers I called seemed so useless. All they really offered was to lock him up for 3 days and give him some valium. I can do that for him at home.  If he goes in voluntarily could he leave if it gets too much? If this is so, what would be the point?    

He says he is going to "go easy" until the prozac gets here. He promised he would never touch crack again, and I believe him. It was a short stint, and it scared him, he told me. He has always been about the pills.  

I think he needs the prozac, he HAS been depressed for awhile now. He thinks he needs and it will help, so maybe it will. Know what I mean?  

I'll know the minute he walks in the door after work tomorrow if he "took it easy".
I am urging him to go up to the VA on Friday (his other day off) to talk to the psyc doctors. Maybe they can help, somehow.