Im so scared

[WantARealLife85]

I'm not gonna lie to ne1 on here I came here looking for how much kilonopin I needed to mix with wat methadone I might still get in order to fall asleep for good cuz I'm so scared of what's about to happen....

Been on methadone bout 5 yrs steady not messed up 99 mlgs for past 3 yrs til bput month ago I started weinin( I live in Sacramento n don't qualify for media Cal at 27 so I'm forced to pay $285 a month) I got down to 75 in like just under 2 mos n want to continue to taper BUT I'm out of money bad leg and shattered my heels bout 3 years ago and outta money living at home with mom who already makes me feel icky just when she looks at me so I hide away... now I'm outta money n ways to make it n am not gonna steal have n have NO coming in to pay fees.... I'm barely at a steady 75 mgs still having bad Mornings... and they are gonna put me on a 21 day detox(10% of my dose every 2 days til 21 pass) nobody understands in my family that I try to talk to so now all I wanna do is end it before this HORRIBLE 25% of pain Im feeling from wein already turns into 150% unlivable pain in a couple weeks.... I keep saying I need to just get 3 more months to wein and then they can put me on 21 day but I'm outta money can't make any and they want $285 a month but I don't have the money nor way to make it nor the family to pull together n help me thru this rough time.... I'm shaking scared and there is no way to prepare myself I mean I am terrified I need more time to we in..... idk this isn't even me to come to this place n write this but I saw no stories like ,one where there hand was being forced into withdrawals... I'm scared and now I'm gonna lay in bed for a month unable to move according to one guy n I believe it... of course the phyciatrist there gave me kilonopin for my anxiety like 2 months ago so now I got that addiction too and I haven't been high in idk even how long..... I don't wanna end up in emergency room with them saying there nothing they can do but try an find a state bed for ya.... it all honestly doesn't seem worth it nor do I deserve it I've been doin nothing wrong not goin n getting high so that makes it even harder to accept... if anyone out there can give me he ideas or words of wisdom that understand where I'm at or even California laws n ways around gettin on media Cal for sure please let me know.... this starts this Tuesday and I'm terrified sitting in room just idk I don't think I can do it.... IM SO SCARED AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS AND THE STIGMA PEOPLE PUT ON U FOR BEIN ON IT UGH IDK LET ME KNOW NE1......

[VICourageous]

Yes, see we are here..Weaver helped save my Bottom toward my Recovery..We have been here and there..Ok! Be Safe!
Bless

[WantARealLife85]

Thank you so much for taking time to respond its just the coming storm knowing its right there that is so scary....my 21 day detox starts on Tuesday which will be a 10% drop every 2 days from the 75 I managed to wein to in less than 2 months just ran outta money cuz no possibilities to make any to continue even quick wein I had been doin  and don't cover for state coverage cuz of age n no kid or family who cares so ya and the phyciatrist hooked me on 120 1 mg kilonopin about 2 most ago n will lose her too so will end up goin thru that detox at same time most likely which I heard u can die from Benz withdraws ESP when already goin thru methadone withdraws.... I'm just really scared and there's nothing I can do to fix it but let it come cuz I got no friends n family don't care..... I'm terrified n havent even been high in yrs thought I was doin right thing any other time it was a couple months n I went thru it cuz I knew wat I had been doin messin with oxys was wrong n deserved a week of hell but I been being a non high person yet am gonna go thru withdraws 10 times worse then any from past and won't be able to move or sleep or eat for weeks not one week weeks maybe a month from what most methadone withdrawal addicts have said it ten times worse then heroine... idk I'm freaking out and scared as hell ESP cuz I'm gonna run outta benzos at same time.... sorry so long wanted to explain myself completely cuz everyone talks bout ya.... but ya its coming n its gonna be hard....

[WantARealLife85]

Thanks for support man...

[WantARealLife85]

Thanks for all support everyone it means a lot it really does

[Heather8448]

you have us :)

[Heather8448]

I am on day 25 and most the bad part passed a week or more ago..I am back to working 12 hour days today is day 3 of 5 just pray a lot is mental...a lot physical but know WE have faith in YOU, you just need to find the FAITH in yourself!!