Im so scared

[WantARealLife85]

I'm not gonna lie to ne1 on here I came here looking for how much kilonopin I needed to mix with wat methadone I might still get in order to fall asleep for good cuz I'm so scared of what's about to happen....

Been on methadone bout 5 yrs steady not messed up 99 mlgs for past 3 yrs til bput month ago I started weinin( I live in Sacramento n don't qualify for media Cal at 27 so I'm forced to pay $285 a month) I got down to 75 in like just under 2 mos n want to continue to taper BUT I'm out of money bad leg and shattered my heels bout 3 years ago and outta money living at home with mom who already makes me feel icky just when she looks at me so I hide away... now I'm outta money n ways to make it n am not gonna steal have n have NO coming in to pay fees.... I'm barely at a steady 75 mgs still having bad Mornings... and they are gonna put me on a 21 day detox(10% of my dose every 2 days til 21 pass) nobody understands in my family that I try to talk to so now all I wanna do is end it before this HORRIBLE 25% of pain Im feeling from wein already turns into 150% unlivable pain in a couple weeks.... I keep saying I need to just get 3 more months to wein and then they can put me on 21 day but I'm outta money can't make any and they want $285 a month but I don't have the money nor way to make it nor the family to pull together n help me thru this rough time.... I'm shaking scared and there is no way to prepare myself I mean I am terrified I need more time to we in..... idk this isn't even me to come to this place n write this but I saw no stories like ,one where there hand was being forced into withdrawals... I'm scared and now I'm gonna lay in bed for a month unable to move according to one guy n I believe it... of course the phyciatrist there gave me kilonopin for my anxiety like 2 months ago so now I got that addiction too and I haven't been high in idk even how long..... I don't wanna end up in emergency room with them saying there nothing they can do but try an find a state bed for ya.... it all honestly doesn't seem worth it nor do I deserve it I've been doin nothing wrong not goin n getting high so that makes it even harder to accept... if anyone out there can give me he ideas or words of wisdom that understand where I'm at or even California laws n ways around gettin on media Cal for sure please let me know.... this starts this Tuesday and I'm terrified sitting in room just idk I don't think I can do it.... IM SO SCARED AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS AND THE STIGMA PEOPLE PUT ON U FOR BEIN ON IT UGH IDK LET ME KNOW NE1......

[MojoAlbum]

Hi digger and thanks!  I feel great!!!  Amazing even!  I really really just that badly wanted WantARealLife85 to get tuned in on that song. Lol.  That's the newest "album" and most people haven't heard it. That song got me through some struggling moments. I just felt compelled to pass it along to him!

[digger1976]

I'm listening to "I won't back down" now, so good haven't heard these in age's so cool!!! Cheers for the pick up!

[digger1976]

Hello Mojo, love the track you suggested. Glad you dropped in, how are you feeling, you sound like you have your headphone's firmly planted on your head, i am abot 10 weeks clean now and i'm still sitting with mine stuck to my head, lol. You should try starting a new thread for yourself to get the support needed. Or you can piggy back, you lurker you, lol. I lurked for a few days first, i think we all did. Best of luck to you, keep it up my friend!

[weaver71]

what song is playing?

[ariley13]

Just hang in there and try to go with it. It *****, but it will pass. You are doing great! Getting your life back from the beast! Music helps a lot BTW. Definitely got me through some rough times.

[WantARealLife85]

My body's so pissed off at me o man..... Took bath but still.... Wow....