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Is My childs safety at risk?
Good evening, i am looking for some information that may keep my child safe.. served papers the other day,, my childs father is seeking half time custody of her,, but he is a recovering crack addict,, claims to have been clean for almost 2 years.. i dont believe him. my lawyer says i need to prove an unsafe situation... aside from kidnapping threats a few years ago from drug dealers... i know addiction is a disease, is there any peronalitys and tendoncies ex drug addicts have that may cause concern for a small chils under his care? anything i could bring up.... can anyone help... im terrified to have to send her 8 hours away from me every second weekend....thanks
Wow that is a hard one. I will say this I also agree that 5 roommates in a house would bother me to know end if my child was there. YOu dont know anything about the other 5 ppl and what they do from drugs, drink, sex etc.... What if one of them was an molester... I would be scared to death as you are... I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers, I do think both parents should be in child's life but sometimes it's not always the best thing. Message me if you ever need to talk and let me know how things are going. Good Luck and God Bless
COMMUNITY LEADER
Are you a grandma? I am and i will tell you i will feed myself to hungry bears before anyone would ever harm him. sara
I am in the middle of a divorce right now. I am lucky to have a great lawyer. If there is concern about drug use, then you can have your lawyer ask for a drug hair follicle test. This goes back three months. Very hard to pass if hes used at all. His lawyer however may ask for one for you so if you use anything be careful. I am also concerned about him and also about the room mates. Not a safe situation for a young child to be in. Drugs, alcohol make that risk higher. But honestly 5 men and one child scares me. (I have been sexually abused and if the parent is not all there, it makes it very easy for someone to take advantage of that and sexuall abuse. You could ask him to do another kind of drug test, but those can be beat easily and don't cover long period of time.
He may have other motives, In that kind of custody if he end up spending more than 50% of tim ewith her, you won't get child support or it may be lowered. Or you may have to pay him. Influx of cash to a recovering addict is a slippery slope.
I agree both parents should be a part of kids lives, I am doing joint custody as well. But given your situation, be careful. Allow time but monitored. A grandma may not be able to be a good protector just cause shes a grandma. She may put his needs before your daughters, out of loyalty and blind love. Talk to your lawer or legal aid to see what your options are. But in the end, trust your gut!
He may have other motives, In that kind of custody if he end up spending more than 50% of tim ewith her, you won't get child support or it may be lowered. Or you may have to pay him. Influx of cash to a recovering addict is a slippery slope.
I agree both parents should be a part of kids lives, I am doing joint custody as well. But given your situation, be careful. Allow time but monitored. A grandma may not be able to be a good protector just cause shes a grandma. She may put his needs before your daughters, out of loyalty and blind love. Talk to your lawer or legal aid to see what your options are. But in the end, trust your gut!
As a recovering addict myself I know, I have a kid and a happy normal life. However there are some people that can not be trusted. I think that you should always know more before you assume that some is saying that a recovering addicted can not be trusted..... She never said 'you'......
If he has 5 roommates and you are concerned on what goes on in the house I'm sure the courts could appoint someone to go and check the house out to make sure it is a suitable living environment for a child. Even if he has been clean for 2 years but has drug abuse going on in his house, it is no place for a child to be and I understand your concerns.
As for your ex, if you think he is still using drugs, you are going to have to have some proof. This is something you need to talk to your lawyer about. I'm not sure how you go about proving that one. I would think that if he has past drug abuse on record in a rehab facility or any kind of police record due to his drug use he would be required to take a drug test in order to receive custody or even unaccompanied visits. What caused him to have to have his mother present while he visited with your daughter the first time? If it was drug related I would think your lawyer could make it to where he has to take a drug test in order to get partial custody. I'm sure your lawyer has ran in to this sort of thing numerous times in the past. I'm sure he knows the laws and knows what steps need to be taken.
It is very possible for your ex to be clean from drugs. If you do have your doubts I can see where you could worried. Just know though that recovery is possible. It sounds as if he wants to be a part of his daughter's life which is a great sign. Like Worried said above, most hardcore druggies don't care about anything except where their next fix is gonna come from. So you may want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Although I would make sure there is no drug use going on in the house with his roommates.
Since he can not drive, how is he even gonna make the 8 hour drive to pick her up? It is not your responsibility to make sure you hand deliver her for visiting rights. That is up to him.
Well, I hope I was able to answer some of your questions. I can see how someone who doesn't understand addiction could be very worried about visitation rights. But please don't push him away if he wants to see his daughter. He may have been working very hard over the last 2 years to get clean in order to be able to spend time with her. If you put up a wall between the two it could really effect your daughter's life in the future depending on how old she is now. Every child needs a father in their life. If the environment is not safe just keep do what you can to keep them monitored.
As for your ex, if you think he is still using drugs, you are going to have to have some proof. This is something you need to talk to your lawyer about. I'm not sure how you go about proving that one. I would think that if he has past drug abuse on record in a rehab facility or any kind of police record due to his drug use he would be required to take a drug test in order to receive custody or even unaccompanied visits. What caused him to have to have his mother present while he visited with your daughter the first time? If it was drug related I would think your lawyer could make it to where he has to take a drug test in order to get partial custody. I'm sure your lawyer has ran in to this sort of thing numerous times in the past. I'm sure he knows the laws and knows what steps need to be taken.
It is very possible for your ex to be clean from drugs. If you do have your doubts I can see where you could worried. Just know though that recovery is possible. It sounds as if he wants to be a part of his daughter's life which is a great sign. Like Worried said above, most hardcore druggies don't care about anything except where their next fix is gonna come from. So you may want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Although I would make sure there is no drug use going on in the house with his roommates.
Since he can not drive, how is he even gonna make the 8 hour drive to pick her up? It is not your responsibility to make sure you hand deliver her for visiting rights. That is up to him.
Well, I hope I was able to answer some of your questions. I can see how someone who doesn't understand addiction could be very worried about visitation rights. But please don't push him away if he wants to see his daughter. He may have been working very hard over the last 2 years to get clean in order to be able to spend time with her. If you put up a wall between the two it could really effect your daughter's life in the future depending on how old she is now. Every child needs a father in their life. If the environment is not safe just keep do what you can to keep them monitored.
yes sara is right if all of what you are saying is correct then the court will desided .He can see her whenever now when his mother is around ? Is that where they will be when he has visitation..If its not and that would make you more comfortable then bring it up with your lawyer that weekend visits have to be done at his moms .
I am not exactly sure what u r asking???
Is it possible for an adict to recover and lead a fruitful life? YES
Is it possible for an addict to never recover and screw up everything they touch? YES
Is it possible for an addict in recovery to relapse? YES
But also there r many addicts out there/believe it or not/functioning in society better than some non-addicts even tho they still use their DOC...but to be honest...CRACK or CRYSTAL METH are not drugs that most can abuse and function in society..ie/hold jobs//no one knows bout it..etc..these type users r usually to the exteme/not a whole lot of occasional crystal meth users on the planet..neither of these drugs r physically addicting per se..but both r extremely mentally addicting like speed or cocaine..a narcotic user can hide for ages/exclusing heroin or shooting drugs which is more extreme..so can a benzo user...not so much when u start street drugs like CM or crack...
I am not sure we r the right place for u...u r not an addict and u r asking for opinions/advice we can not give u..these r things only u know..all we can say is it is possible to be a productive person with a history of addiction
Is it possible for an adict to recover and lead a fruitful life? YES
Is it possible for an addict to never recover and screw up everything they touch? YES
Is it possible for an addict in recovery to relapse? YES
But also there r many addicts out there/believe it or not/functioning in society better than some non-addicts even tho they still use their DOC...but to be honest...CRACK or CRYSTAL METH are not drugs that most can abuse and function in society..ie/hold jobs//no one knows bout it..etc..these type users r usually to the exteme/not a whole lot of occasional crystal meth users on the planet..neither of these drugs r physically addicting per se..but both r extremely mentally addicting like speed or cocaine..a narcotic user can hide for ages/exclusing heroin or shooting drugs which is more extreme..so can a benzo user...not so much when u start street drugs like CM or crack...
I am not sure we r the right place for u...u r not an addict and u r asking for opinions/advice we can not give u..these r things only u know..all we can say is it is possible to be a productive person with a history of addiction
COMMUNITY LEADER
If all of what you say is going on then the lawyer should be able to do something. Did he get charged with the breaking into his sisters house?
COMMUNITY LEADER
If he is clean then i recommend you attend some sort of counseling for yourself. Addiction affects all family members.
not meaning to affend anyone.. i dont feel he can care or her because he doesnt have a job, live with 5 other roomates, and does not go to meetings never has.. i spent time in hiding with my daughter a while back because of kidnapping threats, his chosen group of friends involed shooting eachther in the face when they owed money. i agree both parents should be involved, and he is.. he has can see her when ever he wants, but his mom has to be there.. he has no vehicle or anything.. im scared his past will come back to haunt him,, when our daughter is with him. his sister is also a recovering addict, a year now and last month had her house broken into to repay old debts.. im just concerned.. i absolutly believe ANYONE is capable of raising children.. i just know myself would make changes to accomidate her better...
half time custody...to me means joint custody?? which means he has her one week and u have her one week??
in most cases very little child support is exchanged and is hard for someone to get joint custoday..most dads get every other weekend visitation...r u speaking of him getting 8 hours only every other weekend?..u can always get it where he needs to have those hours in the presence of someone u trust like his mom etc if this is an issue
If ur x has been clean for 2 yrs...and there r no indicators he is using again..then perhaps he is not..It is true that an "addict" can be a good parent...and it is good he wants his child..most in the depths of crystal meth or crack addiction wouldnt bother fighting for any visitation at all...I agree crystal meth and crack are a bit different than RX pill poppers as they r out on the streets in a different crowd than coture for child rearing...but narcotic users, benzo users/all of us can become distant and perhaps not the best at everything...but recovery is possible...and the fact that he wants his child for some amount of time is a very positive thing...
My best friend caught her son cooking crystal meth in her house yesterday//she is living with her mom as she just had a stroke..she is worried they will take her house if she reports it..i literally got off the phone with a cop friend/whom I met here and he is a wonderful person/altho he did have a drug problem/and he told me u can check for residue in the house...let her know as she may go there and get caught..ie busted for what her son did
Point is...people recover....my cop friend has and has helped me on more than one occasion cos i helped him when he cam here asking for help//never have laid eyes on him..but he is my friend
I think often the word addict can sound much more harsh than it really is...u probably have family or friends who r addicted to sumpin..and u just do not know it..it is kinda like a "in the closet" thing..like a gay person..til u come out and find that addicts r everywhere...we r not crazy..we r only sick and we can recover with therapy just like a cancer patient..perhaps never fully cured as relapse is always out there,,,but we can function successfully in society and give lots back
In ur defense..if u have proof or strong suspicion ur x is still doing crack or crystal meth..then look into these possibilities...8 hrs every other weekend is not alot of time he will have..U may be afraid of a monster that does not exist
in most cases very little child support is exchanged and is hard for someone to get joint custoday..most dads get every other weekend visitation...r u speaking of him getting 8 hours only every other weekend?..u can always get it where he needs to have those hours in the presence of someone u trust like his mom etc if this is an issue
If ur x has been clean for 2 yrs...and there r no indicators he is using again..then perhaps he is not..It is true that an "addict" can be a good parent...and it is good he wants his child..most in the depths of crystal meth or crack addiction wouldnt bother fighting for any visitation at all...I agree crystal meth and crack are a bit different than RX pill poppers as they r out on the streets in a different crowd than coture for child rearing...but narcotic users, benzo users/all of us can become distant and perhaps not the best at everything...but recovery is possible...and the fact that he wants his child for some amount of time is a very positive thing...
My best friend caught her son cooking crystal meth in her house yesterday//she is living with her mom as she just had a stroke..she is worried they will take her house if she reports it..i literally got off the phone with a cop friend/whom I met here and he is a wonderful person/altho he did have a drug problem/and he told me u can check for residue in the house...let her know as she may go there and get caught..ie busted for what her son did
Point is...people recover....my cop friend has and has helped me on more than one occasion cos i helped him when he cam here asking for help//never have laid eyes on him..but he is my friend
I think often the word addict can sound much more harsh than it really is...u probably have family or friends who r addicted to sumpin..and u just do not know it..it is kinda like a "in the closet" thing..like a gay person..til u come out and find that addicts r everywhere...we r not crazy..we r only sick and we can recover with therapy just like a cancer patient..perhaps never fully cured as relapse is always out there,,,but we can function successfully in society and give lots back
In ur defense..if u have proof or strong suspicion ur x is still doing crack or crystal meth..then look into these possibilities...8 hrs every other weekend is not alot of time he will have..U may be afraid of a monster that does not exist
You do have to prove it !!!!addicts do get clean and live happy normal lives .We raise Chrildren .If he can prove to the court he has two years in recovery then u might want to see how it goes .Does he have a stable house and a job ? Does he go to meetings? It's best if possible to have both parents in a child's life sometimes that is not possible but in this case it appears from what u wrote he wants to be involved .
COMMUNITY LEADER
Why dont you feel that a recovering addict cant take care of a child?
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