I'm I wrong

[corey4433]

Hi everyone as most of you know  I'm recovering addict 7 months clean I lost my brother 2 yrs ago to herion my cousin used with my brother she is still using and my aunt is beyond a enabler it sickens me the lies she lets my cousin live with her gives her money the list goes on I couldn't take it  anymore so I told my aunt I could only love them from a distance I couldn't handle the drama anymore my aunt and I have always been very close but come on your allowing her to do it she has to hit rock bottom  I'm I wrong I have also tried to help her only for her to say mind your own business

[dominosarah]

I carried so much hate and anger for so long and it got me nowhere.  All it did was give my power away to people i felt such contempt for.  I had to learn forgiveness.  Not the kind where i was telling the other person i forgave them for what they did and all was okay, i had to forgive myself and with that came so much freedom.  I cant explain this very good so hope you understand what i am saying.  All we can do is control our behavior and actions.  You did right by getting away from that toxic environment.  One of our blessings on this forum(Lesa) told me at one point when i was dealing with my grief issues was to sit quietly and i would hear my loved one.  She was right~

[clean_in_ks]

First, thank you Gnarly♥

Corey...please do follow thru and get that little meditation book.  Read it EVERY day, and where it says "alcoholic", substitute your cousin's name there.  It will REALLY help you with the hate in your heart.  I promise.
And that hate is dangerous for addicts to carry around....it can eventually lead back to using in ways we never dreamed of.  In time, answers come to us that we never dreamed we'd understand.  But there's that nasty word:  TIME
Sending you love and encouragement girl♥

[corey4433]

Thank you clean_in-ks Iam going to get that book yes your right talking to my aunt hearing her stick up for her daughter make up excuses for her brings so many memories of my mom with my brother I get so angry I find myself yelling at her wake up your allowing her to stick poison her veins in your bathroom ugh it pisses me off.My kids won't speeck to them they are just in shock on how bad my cousin has gotten
I pray for them every night I pray on day I can forgive her.The night my brother OD she was with him she says she didn't shot him up
Only God knows what happened that night In his room.All I know is I have alot of hate in my heart and I don't like that.I'm proud of myself for what I have done with my life by far it was the hardest thing I had to do admit I had a problem.Deal with my back pain without the aid of narcotics.I still just don't know why God took him I had a dream not to long ago my brother was singing to me like he always did but I kept saying I can't hear you he said just shut up and you will hear me I woke I swear he was with me.

[gnarly_1]

Great post clean_in_ks.....hits the nail on the head  it can be tuff watching someone you love committee ''drug indued suaside"

[clean_in_ks]

You are not wrong and you are doing what is best for you and your recovery.  I have an aunt that is doing the same thing.  They don't realize it, but they are just enabling their child to an early death.
By remaining close to them, it also keeps memories of your brother stirred up and keeps resentments alive.
Al-Anon would be a great help to you as you try to keep a healthy distance from them.  Even just buying and reading the daily meditation book that Al-Anon offers called "One Day at a Time" would help you a LOT.  I read it on a daily basis (I have for over 20 years) and it helps to change my thinking in HEALTHY ways.  It will equip you in many ways in your relationships with them. (I have MANY family members that are addicts; some in recovery and some out there working on killing themselves. It breaks my heart, but I am powerless over them and their addictions.)

Your cousin has to actually live out the consequences of her addiction and her mother is preventing that from happening.  You are powerless over both of them and their actions.  Let peace fill you as you distance yourself from them....you are definitely doing the right thing, girl♥