LIFE REVOLVING AROUND TRAMADOL

[TMF1224]

I have been on tramadol for the past 8 years! I was perscribed it because i have an extreme bloating issue!(wenever i eat by stomach looks like im 8 months preg. An it hurts BAD! On top of that i only have a bm evry 20 to 30 days! The dr's can not figure it out so the kept putting me on all kinds of ibs drugs an sending me to gastro speacialists in the mean time they had me onhydrocdeine(sp) an after awhile i asked 2 b takin off of it becuz it made me sosick! So they put me on tramadol! That was the first day of the rest of my addicted life!
I am 28 an have 4 children (2,3,5,10) an have been with my husband 7 years! My dad is addicted to crack cocaine my sperm donor (bio dad) is an alcoholic an my mom is an alcoholic (just passed away from alcoholism) my oldest brother is addicted to alcohol. Etc... addiction is nothing new in our family HOWEVER! I dont drink i dont do 'drugs' an went to college did everything the way i was suppose 2! My family looks to me as the 'one who made it' i am there ALWAYS to pick up the pieces of my family finacially emotionaly physicaly u name it i have done it for my family! I have 2 younger brothers who i raised an went to school an took care of my own daughter!(yup teen mom:(
About 6 months ago i ran out of tramadol an 4got to call my perscription in the night b4! OMG. The feeling i had was un bareable! I felt like i had to keep flexing my muscles i was so damn hot an sweaty yet my skin was cold i felt very VERY aggrivated to the point i was yelling at my husband for looking at me! Then started crying when i found out the pharmacy was closed for another 2 hrs!( this was at 6 am) i couldnt go back to sleep or sit or stand nothing all i wanted to do was sit in walgreens parking lot an wait for the open sign to turn on! I had no idea what was happening to me! I felt like a totaly different person! If u know me i am 'super mom' the party thrower the car pooler the coach the pta an the mom 2 everyone! All my fam an friends call me martha (stewart) because im always pre pared on time an ready for the day! Yet heres what they dont know i set my alarm 1 hr b4 i need to wake up to take 2 pills, then when i get up i can actually function i chug a mountin dew get ready for work an take two more when i get to work i repeat this every 2 or 3 hours during evening (4pm an after) is my busiest part of day so i take 3 0r 4 every 2 or 3 hour by the time i get home i can barely sit because i am still in 'go' mode so i clean house get kids in bath cook dinner homework. An sit on couch till i can think straight !(mind u i also drink at least a 12pack of mountin dew a day!) Then i lay down lay there 4 an hr trying to fall asleep wake up an do it all over! I have a bottle of pills in my car,swim bag,purse, at work,bathroom,second car!! I guess i always felt like it was ok because it wasnt a narcotic pain pill! Boy was i wrong when i woke up that morning an had none i thought omg addiction snuck in an got me too!!
I want to start tappering off but what will happen to my family if im not there for everyone?and what will my family think? They'll think i have failed !i was suppose to b the 'good'one!=( the burdon seems overwhelming without the 'support' from tramadol! I no i havent hit rock bottom because i dont want to call my dr an tell him i need help to tapper because im scared then if i change my mind he wont perscribe anymore:( i get 300 pills a month for $30 if i had to get them offline i wouldnt be able to afford them!
Is this normal does anyone else have these feelings of worthlessness when ur not on tramadol? I feel like my body is being so dramatic yet i dont no how to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I FEEL VERY ALONE AN VERY SCARED! AN HONESTLY WHOEVER IS READING THIS IS THE ONLY PPL THAT NO MY HORRIBLE SECRET!:(

[ImDONENoMore]

This is such great news!!  Good for you - you're making a plan and that is a wonderful start.  You've opened up to your husband and now you're accountable to someone else.  You can do this TM and you've given yourself a real fighting chance to begin a life without the pills.  And it will be a much better one I can promise you that!!

Keep going!!  :)

[TMF1224]

I made an appt with my dr. Kind of mixed emotions i also sat down with my husband an told him he needs to help me round up all the bottles an pill stashes(starting tonight). I told him how bad it was an that i am 100% running solely on tramadol. I told him i will commit myself to the fullest of kicking this. I also let him read some of the side effects an crazy stuff u go thru during withdrawl so he can be prepared. I told him he mite need to take a couple of days off work when it starts to get bad because the stress of 4 kids going in all different directions mixed with mom having withdrawls is just asking for a freak out!! Tuesday at 145 is my appt. Here goes nothin!!

[Dane74]

Hey there, I totally understand what you are going through as i was the same way towards my husband and Yes he was a saint.  I would flip out on him for everything and he always use to say to me "I can never do anything right!"  And girl, he was right, everything he did just drove me crazy.  But on a good note the hardest thing i had to do was tell him the truth and i mean the real truth and that was harder for me than quitting.  But i did explain to him the reason i have been such a irate bitchhh was because i was addicted to Tram and percs.  The next step,  i gave him all the control of my pills and i had him hide my supply around the house so i cant get to them and binge like you did, and believe me i did many times, it would be a bad day, or a busy day, you name it i found the perfect excuse to just take a handful to just feel good.  Be prepared Tram sends your emotions running wild and you will find yourself crying allot but it's all good because you are starting to really "feel" again and that's what you need to do is "feel" on your own and not through a drug.  YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU WILL!!!!  Your hubby has taken all this crap from you and believe me he now will want to help to get his old wife back.  Im almost 2 months clean and my marriage has been great for the last 6 weeks or so and he even said that the old me is back.  It is so worth it  for yourself and your family.  Be careful and ask your doc for a taper plan or if you can CT off the tram.  When i went to my doc and mentioned to him i am addicted he wanted to put me on more meds so just be careful.  Keep posting on here you will get lots of help for sure.  If it wasn't for medhelp i would not be in this position today, and i promise you this,  life is great once you conquer these demons!!!!  Best of luck to you....Dane

[ImDONENoMore]

How you doing today?

[selfinduced]

I completely agree with Dav. A Dr. that prescribed these pills in the first place will not refuse to help you wean. You can always relay to him , you want to reasses your pain level and try to get off your medication. Let him know when you miss doses you feel bad and think your dependent. I would be SHOCKED if he didn't give you a very sensible weaning schedule. If after that you find your cheating, then you need to do plan "B". Just think, the havioc in your life from pills may be minimum now, but that will increase. Stop the maddness before it gets worse. I;m here for you!

[Dav125]

TMF,,Breath,,slow down and breath..Need to get with your Dr and figure out a plan asap..You need some help here. You've got to slow that mental battle down in your head and talking with your Dr is the first step..You will find your way out of this but right now your trying to do too much on your own..You need to reach out for help and your Dr is the first stop...