Losing hope....

[missing_me]

I just don't understand it.   I have had these emotional issues suddenly hit me several  weeks ago that have gotten out of control.
It’s beginning seemed to coincide with my beginning a step-down from morphine.  After weeks of suffering between anxiety and depression I finally got on an anti-anxiety / anti-depressant beginning the first dose Tuesday night.
I continued with my step-down this week by changing my fentanyl patch every 72 hours rather than every 48 hours as I had been doing since the beginning (approximately 1 ½-2 years).
I suffered through severe pain that 3rd day without the usual patch change and felt ill as well.  (Thursday)
Yesterday I had my first day where I didn’t notice that feeling of sadness coming over me.
In fact, I only went into a crying fit that evening caused by a negative event.  Not huge but any negative event is enough anymore.  But I did get out of that and was not feeling sad.  
Today I woke not feeling well – my body hurt and just a general feeling of not being well again.  I took my a.m. morphine dose and eventually started feeling physically better.   I did not feel sad, although obviously not great considering how I physically felt.  It wasn’t that overwhelming depressive sadness.
I did have the stressful task of getting information together for my 4th quarter estimated tax payment to my tax accountant, which I was dreading but instead of feeling accomplishment , per usual anymore, I only felt to stressed which led me to another crying fit – and complete and utter sadness since.
I feel crippled with it again as I have almost daily for the last few weeks until just these last couple days after starting the anti-anxiety/ antidepressant.   Which I suppose was only yesterday since Thursday I was in such physical misery I could do nothing but stay in bed or laying on the couch.
I know I cannot go on feeling this way.
There was so much I was going to do and needed to do today and now I feel there is no way I can.   I am also feeling physically poor again & pain.  Which the stress and crying fit certainly didn’t help.  I don’t know which started first though since I was concentrating so hard on just getting the tax stuff completed.
Now I fear I must just give in and try to go to sleep.  
That and I just cannot bare feeling (emotionally) as bad as I do.   I have lost all hope.
I don’t know how I so suddenly changed and since this overwhelming sadness is back  that is so crippling I don’t know how I am going to manage to believe I will be able to pick up with my life again on any level.
The physical suffering of my MS has been enough of a disability, now that will continue to only grow worse due to this.  Plus I am trying to get off of morphine and that is hell in itself with the awful feelings I can get in my body.
Can anyone tell me – is this the morphine withdrawal again since I just made another change?
I just cannot believe what is happening to me and I cannot bare to keep feeling like this.  It is not even living between the emotional and physical crippling anymore.

Missing_Me

[missing_me]

I have to say thank you for everyone's support.

It has been a rough week but I am hoping I am feeling a bit better now since this last taper down.

I saw my neurologist Thursday.  He will be monitoring me more closely.  

I am concerned as to what this withddrawal is doing to my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms too.  I can not afford to get much weaker.  But I am hoping the less of the morphine I have in my system to less dramatic this will be on at least my MS.

I feel a bit more stable emotionally - hoping I am not jinxing myself saying that much.

Missing_Me

[kmb22]

considering that perscription and even not prescription drugs totally change and mess with your natural brain chemistry i would say you are experiencing all normal things.  

you have to make the decision to become mentally strong and fight and understand you are quitting a hardcore drug.  

morphine was given to men injured in world war 2...men whose legs were blown off etc. etc.  i thought it became illegal but since we are such an over medicated nation it doesn't surprise me it is still prescribed.

try to taper down off of it and eventually stop taking it completely.

good luck with your battle.

[missing_me]

I do not feel "great" on the morphine either.  I only take it for pain.  It wasn't enough to contain the pain, but at least I wasn't like this - or at least for the most part.

I know I am physically dependent on the drug since I have had to use it for so many years, but I am not addicted. I did not use it for any other reason nor depend on for any other reason.  

I just wanted to make that clear.  I know this is an addiction/substance abuse forum but that seemed to be the best place for me to find answers to the morphine withdrawal issues or potential morphine withdrawal issues I am facing now.

And this is being honest too by the way.

[imrprod]

It took a long time to get addicted and it takes a while to get clean.  I had to remind myself that often I didn't feel that great on the pills or drugs I just was used to that feelling whether it be good bad or indifferent.  I would really ask you doc for some anti depressents and go to NA meetings be honest everywhere you go it will set you freel.

[missing_me]

I don't know what I can do..this is the 3rd day now..working on the 72 hrs to changing the fentanyl patch and even after taking my morning morphine pills I am in so much pain all over my body I don't know how to survive

It started already yesterday afternoon and only worsened.  My evening morphine dose was able to quiet my pain enough for me to catch my breath and sleep some.

But I have been awake now since 5a.m. and in such horrible pain its hard to distract myself for even more than minutes

I fear I will be going through the same h**** all day which I did on Thursday, I only prayed for death then too.

My pain has been out of control for so long I don't know how much is morphine "tricks" or not but I was put on morphine and the levels I am on because my pain could not be contained.
So I don't know what to do
I can not describe it to anyone, certainly the doctors really have no clue how much I really suffer since I always tried to live through the impossible with hope for it to get better
However, what seemed impossible than only is worse now
I cannot stand to move
I cannot stand to be actually.

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee...sorry to here about your pains both physically and emotionally it can be pritty ruff taper off narcotics ....I did an 8 1/2 mo taper off methadone and had alot of the same experiences I to suffer chronic back pain so I know the ropes...just know this
it does get better with time...ever time I would taper down 1mg once I got below 10
I would feel the withdrawal both physically and emotionally you just got to get comfortable with the fraze...you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile...
tapering is going to be uncomfortable ...but it is doable give your body some time to adjust to the lower dose b/4 droping dose again....dont taper if you still feel the withdrawals from your last drop ...it only makes it worst...I tried to stay on a schedule
of droping dose by 10% every 72hr but sometimes it took like a week or so to feel better...as for the emotional stuff ...just be ready for it to come out ...the narcotics sorta mask it and kinda keep our minds a quite place...when we come off it your emotions break loose with what my phyc dr calls "rebound emotions" your body/mind is use to having the quiteing effects of narcotics and weather it be a reduced dose or no dose at all ...your mind is going to amplify your emotions both ways there will be highs and there will be lows it just takes time for our brains to reset them self after
chronic use...one good thing about getting clean is now I know what my "real pain is" and its not as bad without the narcotics as it was on them...your body/mind kinda tricks us into thinking our pain is worst then it really is ...once your off again your body resets itself and I find otc like motrin actualy work now that im not on the narcotics any more...so just hang in there..try to keep to a taper best you can
and get it over with as soon as possible ...its not comfortable tapering so dont stretch it out any longer then necessary...do let your body be the final judge of when to go down and 10%ever 72hr is fast but doable ...good luck with your taper it takes alot of discipline and perseverance but you can do it ...good luck and god bless...Gnarly      

[Sjoggie]

I don't know anything about morhpine withdrawal.  I did drop the fentanyl patch to oxcontin and that was a major withdrawal even though they swore it wasn't much of a drop.

I do know that when I was trying to do a taper from oxycontin and percocets that a 5 mg drop would send me into a horrible depression and I would be in tears over anything and felt miserable.  This would go on for about 10 days or more.  Then I would stabilize and wait a bit and start the whole process over again.

I'm sure there are people who can tell you what to expect and I suspect you should be hearing from them soon.

I have trouble with anti depressant meds and they do take time to work so watch for any troubling side effects with those.  Sometimes they can make you more depressed and sometimes they can work well.

Try to work closely with your doc on doing this and if he isn't really familiar with how to taper find a doc that is.

Lizzy