Major Decisions and Clean Time

[worried878]

Someone just asked me a good question which had occurred to me during my recovery.  How long should you wait to make major decisions in ur life like moving?  or even dating if u r singele?  or a job change...things like that...I almsot quit my jobe a few times during the first few months as i was dooming alot and tired...would have regretted it if i would have....i tried to start dating at about 2 months and relaized i was not ready due to mood swings that no one would understand unless they knew me well...I am kinda trying again and think i will have better luck at being "stable/mood wise" now at close to 6 months clean...but i still have my times of feeling tired and doomy/not often tho....i am thinking it is just normal to not always feel great and it is probably how i might feel even had i not ever used now....not sure as it so hard to remember how i felt before i used...musta not been so great or i wouldnt have used to feel better...dont know....opinions?

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

A view from the male side.....I am married, so I am not into the dating game. I do admire women - especially smart ones - and have always highly valued some terrific friendships that have developed over the years. I found that during and post detox I just didnt have the interest that I previously enjoyed. Didnt care whether or not I was social enough to even be around friends......I am happy to report that things are picking up for me.....at almost a year clean!! Now I look forward to meeting some others and playing a cutthroat game of Trivial Pursuit - -  It really does take time for things to work out............

[dominosarah]

I have figured out that you can be alot less lonely living by yourself than living with someone when it just isnt right.  I have also noticed that the older i get the less patience i have!!!!  Its either my way or the highway!!!!  Maybe that is a good thing??  When the right person comes along you will know it and everything will fall into place and that person will love you no matter what.

[worried878]

Thanks for the info u guys...desperate...thanks for the confidence..i do doubt myself when it comes to dating as i never know how i am gonna feel...i still get tired alot..i work hard and i am getting old  LOL...i think i also still associate pills with stressful things or that i am not "as fun" without them...i wished i could just skip the dating part and just be already to the comfortable part/when u know each other.....also..feel like i have a secret...if i ever fell in love again..would i tell it?  I have hid my addiction thru my last 2 relationships and have steered clear of relationships since i quit...I am not one that gets in relationships very often anyway...kind of a loner in the men department since my divorce years ago...not willing to put up with too much crappola so i am out of there most of the time...I am more the friend type i guess and have alot of friends...but u know i think we may need someone special in our lives like a healthy relationship...i would rather be by myself than in some of the relationships i see my friends are in..NO Thanks!....ummmmmmm...just dating here and there but still feel a bit closed for some reason...or maybe i always have felt closed and using helped me open up and be more "FUN"...rambling...venting i guess...sorry guys..it may be my own demons that are holding me back...we do tend to blame alot on our addictions and sometimes it has nothing to do with that at all...just normal i guess like everyone else

[dominosarah]

I think it is important to take the time to find out about ourselves before we make a major delision during the early recovery.  There were reasons why i used and made really bad decisions and i dont think you can figure that out right away as this is a complete makeover when you get clean.  I always thought i will just move and get away and i always carried the same problems to the new place.  Relationships were another thing!!!!  You have to be comfortable in your own skin.  That is my 2 cents here!!!!!

[desperate1111]

worried, you have a good head on your shoulders and so much knowledge on recovery and health issues. sounds to me like you can handle dating just fine. maybe it'll help in your recovery. i think you're smart enuff to stay away from the jerks.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Well at over 7 months clean I would say you're right. Mood swings are still here for me. Much less than the first 3-4 months but still there. I can't even imagine trying to date while getting your body and mind to stabilize.