5748591 tn?1373570078

Mental Health issues reguarding heavy drug use

Hello readers, i am currently (like many) an addict, my story is long & drawn out but possibly much like yours.
I am here to shed some light on what i have done to myself, and am praying for some kind of cure for my disease..

I was born in 89, had a great childhood, nothing ever went wrong except my grades. I eventually dropped out of high school my senior year because i had chose dope over my education. I began using around a gram of Crystal Meth a day (Smoking for 2.5 years) I have been off speed for 7 months solid and do not ever plan on using this substance again. I still feel like i am coming off of my last hit off the pipe. If i couldn't get Crystal then i would always find something to compensate whether it have been Acid, Cocaine, Crack, and small amounts of Heroin if i was in deep pain.

Methamphetamine was just like my tea though, the drugs that really did a load on my mind and the way i function to date was my extremely heavy use of LSD, Mescaline, and Psilocybin (dosing near everyday for two years solid left me with a disease called HPPD many are skeptical about this disease even existing; but i assure you it does in-fact exist and many people LIKE ME suffer from constant hallucinations & delusions on a daily basis)

I can't look anybody in the face anymore.. If i try i begin having intense flashbacks and everything around them will begin to move and ill see textures of color and objects morphing into Ivory carved Japanese dragons in my peripheral even if im not looking at somebody its just constant and its accompanied by tinnitus, intense anxiety and fear of the world..

I cannot even drive a car anymore because my vision has become so convoluted and messed up...
I felt the symptoms after the first trip i took and it didn't keep me from doing it over and over and over again until i woke up in an insane asylom getting fed Zeprexa like a dog and all the Anti Phychotics did was make everything worse.

I got out and told my doctor about my disease and he just scolded me for taking LSD every day, wrote be a script of Xanax and sent me on my way... At least when i take my medicine i can just appreciate feeling normal and in balance for a short and sweet hour... but what choice do i have? I would rather feel human one hour of the day than feel like a dissociated schitzoid for 24.....

Any additions or comments would be appreciated. I am doing as hard as i can to rebuild myself and come to accept my psyche is going to be altered for life.
10 Responses
Avatar universal
The year you were born I was tripping a lot. There are very few hallucinogens I have not taken. I spent a good 4 or 5 years tripping. The symptoms, or flash backs you describe are extremely rare from LSD. Peyote has some toxins, but they should only effect your liver. In the late 90's, during the ecstasy craze, a lot of bad LSD was being sold. A mixture of Amphetamine and PCP create a similar effect as LSD, but you feel more amped. LSD makes you melt into the floor, not run around like on E. Timothy Leary took a gram at a time, 50mcgs being the average dose, if you've met him, he's weird, but always was. Pure LSD 25 has not been reported to cause mental instability, but it does amplify existing problems. Psilocybin and Psyilocin, the alkaloids in mushrooms, do no damage to the brain. They are not even sure which parts of the brain it effects, because it has no physical effect. I see you listed DMT, now that's a strong drug, but I know people who have done it daily for years. Anyway, I said all that to show I am speaking from experience.

I think you either have an underlying mental issue, or you had some bad acid. You are the generation that was taking that paper mystery drug. Did you do a lot of Ecstasy, that does do damage. They call it a hallucinogen, yet the A in MDMA is amphetamine. The amphetamines you took are much more likely to be causing your issues, if it's from drugs. Isopropal Methamphetamine has been impossible to make in your drug career. The Ephedra base speed is made in tubs with toxic chemicals in flop houses. We know for sure that stuff does physical and mental damage. The brain is amazing, even if there is damage, our brain can use different parts of the brain to do the jobs of the damaged areas. It really is amazing.

I'd try to each real clean, get exercise, and do  some kind of therapy. There are new imaging machines that can take pictures of brain activity, but they are expensive. If you stop using from now on, it can take 2 years to fully recover. Don't give up, keep focusing on progress, however small it may be. Good luck.
Avatar universal
Hi Mesca, Are you doing any drugs rx'ed or street besides the xanax right now?
5748591 tn?1373570078
I smoke pot sometimes but not that much anymore since it also triggers my hallucinations and for some odd reason i can stay up for a whole week on grass, it has a pretty different effect than it used to but then again i guess its subjective.

Other than that no, i am only on 1mg xanax to be taken once or twice a day
I also use Ambien as a sleep aid in 5mg doses but they do not cause me to stay awake and hallucinate like some people do. They knock me out.
5748591 tn?1373570078
Thanks for your very informative post friend!

By all means i do not attribute my psychosis/HPPD whatever it be to the use of LSD. But it does have deep..long lasting mental effects on me im very certain of this.. i used to just take bites out of entire sheets and draw satanic **** all over me and pull out my own hair and visited jail thrice so far in such a short time. I have used things like MDMA, STP, AMT, all kinds of research chemicals as well and im sure they could have been more linked to why i feel this way.

And thanks for shedding some light on this for me your post was very informative.

Peace and Love to you all.
1235186 tn?1549257619
hello and welcome. I  did lots of lsd, mushrooms and mescaline in the 70's and know many, many others who did also. I also would tend to believe the problems you are having would more likely be from the meth.
it could take years for the brain to heal. you are very young and I believe if you stay clean you will heal.
as weaver suggested exercise, healthy diet, therapy. I would also think that being totally drug free would help your brain to heal. if you continue to use the benzos your brain chemistry will still be altered and not heal properly.
there is always hope.
keep the faith,
there is healing and restoration,
5748591 tn?1373570078
Im speechless

Could you people be any nicer.. lol i feel like such a moron for wasting so much of my time and money away for literally nothing

I really appreciate you all for this and taking the time to listen. And ALL of the advice you are all giving me.  
Not that many people i meet out there in the real world who have a deep, tender understanding for others..

4522800 tn?1470325834
Hi, I just want to put my self emotional input in. I spend days just thinking of why or what did I do this for to my self. I am 57 and started to use at 14. To me it was just the thing to do.Drink & Party. A new decade a new drug to try. I have done most of the drugs you have mentioned up above but that new one.I had my big Crank days back in the 70-80 and bought it from the HAs.The reason I am telling yo this is because I always got tired of these drugs and walked away sooner or later. But the last 16 I got really hooked on the opiates. Then the Methadone was a 12yr ride. I was snorting with the adderral I got from the streets. I do a lot of studying now about how this all affects the Brain.We have Billions of wiring up there.Yes should of, could of known better. I have seen brain images from people who have used the speed for a long time. BUT My point here is that if you Stay Away from ALL Drugs and Booze You will start to feel the process of your brain & body heal. YES It will take a lot longer time for us long time users. BUT I am in 10m and I sure can feel a big change even now. I too do not think it ever will be 100% back because of the damage we did and also the damage we did to our Lungs and other Organs.
This is why I get so mad because I think the schools should really show some of these brain images and other thing that drugs will do both physical & mentally. I read people on here that suffer from Hep C do to there drugs. It is so sad but like I said should of could of, would we have listened!!!
May the Lord carry you right now!!
5748591 tn?1373570078
And may he carry you.

& between you and me, snorting adderalls grossss man hahahaha i mean we have done some disgusting things to get high but you may as well of snorted smarties..that sweet tasting drips terrrrrible (Thank goodness i never enjoyed it i would just have another chore on my list.)

I was bigger on Opiates (pills in general) when i was around 16-18. Snorting morphine HCL, taking 16 vicodins a day, tried the synthetic methadone crap that stuff made me have terrible vivid nightmares! i got bored with them fast. Tried H with my woman but unfortunately she is an IV user and in a way different hole than me. She is the only one around me in my life at this point that uses now since i kinda broke away from the flock of tweakers i was squatting with after my previous incarceration and decided to stop using.
4522800 tn?1470325834
Ha! Ha! Broke away from the "Flock of Tweakers" I can just see them all buzzed up and flyng into each other. Tweak-Tweek.
Well Guy this is one thing that is a Must if we want to stay clean. Have to stay away from people, places, things and old stomping grounds. Most of my friends that are up here that I have known for 40 years or less (we go back to lake Tahoe days) are still using whatever.. I can NOT go around them at all.We have to start a New Life and walk in a New World.As you start to get more "in-tuned" with your self you start to see what can cause any Triggers at any given moment. This is not a easy Job but it is the most Rewarding one you will so ever be grateful for. I wish you the best because you are still young and can have a great future out here in this big New World of yours.
5748591 tn?1373570078
hahhaha ! Thanks so much :3
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