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Methadone withdrawal
My boyfriend is on day 5 of withdrawing off of 240mg of methadone. All he does is sleep, probably to avoid all the pain. He has restless legs, runny nose, diarrhea, restlessness in his sleep, and is only able to sleep at all because an urgent care MD gave him a 5 day supply of lorazepam to help with his anxiety. No MDs will take him on as a patient because he has no insurance so he is stuck withdrawing. He has herniated discs so he is in severe pain with nothing to treat it. I am wondering if there is anything I can do to make the withdrawal process easier for him. I am also wondering if there are any resources I can utilize to help him. We are located near Syracuse, NY and all methadone clinics we found have a 6 month wait. Any advice at all would be appreciated, I've never taken anything stronger than Motrin so narcotics and withdrawals are not something I am familiar with!!
I'm not sure about reducing the amount. I'm sure it's something his lawyer will bring up, but whether the prosecutor will go along with it, who knows. But it's very possible. Prosecutors, like I mentioned before, VERY often overcharge; that way, they still get convictions, even if it's on a lesser charge. I'm sure his lawyer will bring that issue up. And whether it's a technicality or not doesn't matter. Lots of people have got off on a technicality.
I can understand you researching things and wanting to do what you can to help. I tend to be the same way. But you have to put some faith in his lawyer. There are many very good court-appointed lawyers. His lawyer will know what's the best way to present his case. One thing he has going for him is that he was in the process of detoxing as this happened. The judge will see that in a positive light. When someone genuinely wants to get well, it goes in their favor. Judges can tell when someone is genuine or not. They see this kind of stuff all the time.
As bad as this is, hopefully it will be the last run-in he has with both the legal system and the detoxing of drugs. Only you will know whether to stay or leave. I will say, in hindsight, I wish I left earlier. My ex went through 12 detoxes while we were married. It is really hard living with an addict, especially if you have children. I kept thinking every time would be the last time. I was always supportive, always tried to make things easier. It took me almost 20 years to realize I couldn't love him sober. No matter how much I loved him it had to be his own decision. In some ways, I probably hurt things. I always tried to make things easier for him. Maybe if I hadn't and he had to stand on his own two feet, he would have been more successful.
I only say this because I hate to see others go through this. By the time I finally left, so much damage had been done to me and my kids and though everyone is okay now, there was a lot of healing that needed to be done. I'm all for keeping relationships/marriages together but you have to know when to walk away. The more time and effort you invest, the harder it gets. But what happens in a lot of cases, including my own, is that the relationship eventually changes. You're no longer in a mature, adult relationship. You end up becoming more of a mother. You constantly are on edge, looking for signs of him using again. I often could tell when he was going to go on a bender well before he could. I became resentful and felt like I had 5 kids instead of 4. I was always bailing him out (literally and figuratively) and making sure he was always doing what he was supposed to be doing, whether it was with work, the legal system, etc.
Keep posting and do what you need to do. Just don't lose sight of yourself in all this. You really have to put yourself first.
I can understand you researching things and wanting to do what you can to help. I tend to be the same way. But you have to put some faith in his lawyer. There are many very good court-appointed lawyers. His lawyer will know what's the best way to present his case. One thing he has going for him is that he was in the process of detoxing as this happened. The judge will see that in a positive light. When someone genuinely wants to get well, it goes in their favor. Judges can tell when someone is genuine or not. They see this kind of stuff all the time.
As bad as this is, hopefully it will be the last run-in he has with both the legal system and the detoxing of drugs. Only you will know whether to stay or leave. I will say, in hindsight, I wish I left earlier. My ex went through 12 detoxes while we were married. It is really hard living with an addict, especially if you have children. I kept thinking every time would be the last time. I was always supportive, always tried to make things easier. It took me almost 20 years to realize I couldn't love him sober. No matter how much I loved him it had to be his own decision. In some ways, I probably hurt things. I always tried to make things easier for him. Maybe if I hadn't and he had to stand on his own two feet, he would have been more successful.
I only say this because I hate to see others go through this. By the time I finally left, so much damage had been done to me and my kids and though everyone is okay now, there was a lot of healing that needed to be done. I'm all for keeping relationships/marriages together but you have to know when to walk away. The more time and effort you invest, the harder it gets. But what happens in a lot of cases, including my own, is that the relationship eventually changes. You're no longer in a mature, adult relationship. You end up becoming more of a mother. You constantly are on edge, looking for signs of him using again. I often could tell when he was going to go on a bender well before he could. I became resentful and felt like I had 5 kids instead of 4. I was always bailing him out (literally and figuratively) and making sure he was always doing what he was supposed to be doing, whether it was with work, the legal system, etc.
Keep posting and do what you need to do. Just don't lose sight of yourself in all this. You really have to put yourself first.
P.S. Mellie your information and encouragment has been extremely helpful. It's nice to see that others have ben where I am (or a similar situation anyway) and have come out strong on the other side!
I have a legal question. I know that no one here is a lawyer, but just hoping maybe someone has had an experience with this. My boyfriend is being charged with changing a quantity of "30" to "300". This means he obtained 3000 mg of methadone. However, 300 mg was legally prescribed, only 2700 mg was illegally obtained. He is listed as being charged for 2nd degree criminal possession of a controlled substance. 2nd degree is methadone amounts of 2880 mg to 5759mg. 4th degee would be 360 mg to 2879 mg of methadone. Is there any chance the charge might be lowered to 4th degree (a much lower level of felony) since he was actually prescribred 300 mg and only "allegedly" obtained an additional 2700mg. I know this is a small technicality but I am looking for anything I can at this point!! Annnny information would be valuable at this point. THanks so much guys! I have found that looking into doing everything I possibly can to help his case makes me feel empowered and alittle less depressed. Maybe only a miniscule amount less depressed but every little bit counts. I know that every minute I endure is another minute closer to seeing him again. I am going to the store to buy some white t-shirts and socks and underwear for him. Hopefully a little something to know he's cared for. DO you know if most places allow you to put a letter in with these items? I don't want to break any rules but would love him to have a little piece of me with him.
I know how much you're hurting. First, you have to take care of yourself. If you don't, you can't help Joe. I've gone through what you're going through several times with my ex-husband. The pain and worry of it is awful. Try to find some support for yourself. I think there's a forum on here "Living with an Alcoholic," or "Living with an Addict." You may want to check that out as it will be for you.
Now, first of all, your boyfriend is NOT obligated to say anything. He should be assigned an attorney (if he can't afford one.) For right now, he should say absolutely NOTHING to the police. He has the right to remain silent. Too many people, in an effort to "cooperate," say things that sound innocent enough. I mean, if you tell the truth, you'll be okay, right? Doesn't work that way. Between all I went through with my ex legally and my ten plus years of work in the courtroom, I can tell you the best thing is to say nothing and follow the advice of his attorney.
Police are notorious for trying to get people to breakdown. They'll promise things that aren't true. They play "good cop/bad cop," and they'll try to convince you to talk. Then they twist your words (or sometimes outright lie) in the courtroom. They are TRAINED to do this. Also, the district attorney (or whoever decides exactly what the charges are,) will hang on to things like a dog with a bone. This is their job. And like it or not, it's a numbers game. The more convictions they have, the better it looks for them. Very often they will overcharge someone with something. (Once, they charged my husband with attempted murder. He had backed me into a corner and put his hand around my throat. Don't get me wrong, he WAS wrong. But it was an assault and battery NOT attempted murder.) The reason they do this is because if they overcharge something there's more leeway to reduce the charges but still get some kind of conviction on the books.
Keep trying to get hold of the attorney. You probably won't get him until Monday. I'm not sure why you're BF isn't being brought into court on Monday for arraignment. Usually, at least here, if you're arrested, they hold you in the jail until the next work day and then have the arraignment. If Joe is really having terrible withdrawals, he needs to exaggerate his symptoms. Especially because methadone does have such bad withdrawals. They probably won't care if he's hydrated. Tell him to complain of chest pain or trouble breathing. They will have to have him seen by a doctor at the least and possibly will bring him to the emergency room. Maybe that way he can get some of his symptoms alleviated. Maybe they'll give him some IV fluids or something to make him more comfortable.
Most importantly, he should say absolutely nothing to the police. All he has to say is, I want my attorney present. You will get through this. You have to. And in truth it is VERY unlikely that he'll have to serve any time. His attorney will work with him on this. If he has no record and genuinely sounds like he wants treatment, the judge is very likely to allow some sort of treatment and then probation. But it can be a very long, worrisome process. They won't close his case for a very long time. He'll have to have probation visits, urine screenings, etc. It can wear on you because if the probation officer calls and says, "Be in my office by 3," you have to go there. My ex is still on probation for various things and it's been a couple of years. (And he still hasn't learned.) He works over an hour away from the courthouse and often he has to leave work early to go do a urine test.
I can see how broken up you are about this. I still remember how painful it was. I wouldn't be able to sleep and spent all my time running around trying to help him with his case. Try not to do this. It's the lawyer's job. All you will do is hurt yourself. You need to sleep, eat healthy and try not to obsess over things. I know it sounds impossible to do, but try.
Also, it is very unlikely that they will hold him in jail until his next hearing date. The judge will set bail and possibly some pretrial restrictions. The only time someone is held in jail until their trial date is when the person is considered dangerous to the community. Joe is dangerous to himself. And the amount of bail is supposed to correlate to the seriousness of the crime. Murder warrants a higher bail than theft. The lawyer for the prosecution will always ask for a gigantic bail. His lawyer will argue for a lower bail. Usually, the judge comes down somewhere in the middle. The purpose of bail is to make sure he comes back to the next hearing. If he has little or no money, the judge may order a lower bail since even $200 could be a lot of money to someone. His lawyer should ask for him to be released on personal recognizance. And if your BF doesn't have a criminal record or a short or not serious record, the judge may very well let Joe go on personal recognizance. He may put in strict orders to attend so many N/A meetings a week, drug testing, etc.
Please try to find some care for yourself. Try to find an Al-Anon meeting or maybe go see your local priest or minister. You need someone to support you emotionally through this. If you have any questions about the legal part of things, just ask and I can tell you what I know. I know you're scared and are thinking the worst, but remember, the court has seen much, much worse. The key here is for you BF to get the help he needs. When he is released (and I believe he will be when he has his hearing date,) he needs to really comply with whatever the judge orders and maybe even do some extra on his own.
If he is truly suffering with the withdrawals, like I mentioned, he needs to tell the person in charge at the jail that he needs to see a doctor. However he has to do it, he should just do it. Like I said, telling them he's having chest pain or trouble breathing will likely get him seen. They don't want a lawsuit on their hands. They're looking at him like he's just another junkie when the truth of it is he's just another person who got caught up in an addiction and he needs help not jail.
Take some time today for you. If you're having trouble sleeping, make sure you take some melatonin or Allteril (both are natural and non-habit forming.) Good sleep is essential for you, as well as good nutrition. Loving an addict can take a huge toll on someone. But, again, you cannot help him unless you are in good shape. You have to be number one. Just like during his recovery, his sobriety has to come before everything else, right now you have to put you before everything else. In that way, you'll be able to help him without falling apart physically or emotionally.
Keep posting as it will help you but you really need to find someone in real life to help you through. In the end, things will all work out, and it could be that all of this will have a profound effect on Joe and will help in his recovery. Legally, things are not as bleak as you think (nor are they going to be as bad as the police or the district attorney will pretend.) It is serious but I would be very surprised if he's not released at his arraingment. His attorney will work on reducing the charges.
Now, first of all, your boyfriend is NOT obligated to say anything. He should be assigned an attorney (if he can't afford one.) For right now, he should say absolutely NOTHING to the police. He has the right to remain silent. Too many people, in an effort to "cooperate," say things that sound innocent enough. I mean, if you tell the truth, you'll be okay, right? Doesn't work that way. Between all I went through with my ex legally and my ten plus years of work in the courtroom, I can tell you the best thing is to say nothing and follow the advice of his attorney.
Police are notorious for trying to get people to breakdown. They'll promise things that aren't true. They play "good cop/bad cop," and they'll try to convince you to talk. Then they twist your words (or sometimes outright lie) in the courtroom. They are TRAINED to do this. Also, the district attorney (or whoever decides exactly what the charges are,) will hang on to things like a dog with a bone. This is their job. And like it or not, it's a numbers game. The more convictions they have, the better it looks for them. Very often they will overcharge someone with something. (Once, they charged my husband with attempted murder. He had backed me into a corner and put his hand around my throat. Don't get me wrong, he WAS wrong. But it was an assault and battery NOT attempted murder.) The reason they do this is because if they overcharge something there's more leeway to reduce the charges but still get some kind of conviction on the books.
Keep trying to get hold of the attorney. You probably won't get him until Monday. I'm not sure why you're BF isn't being brought into court on Monday for arraignment. Usually, at least here, if you're arrested, they hold you in the jail until the next work day and then have the arraignment. If Joe is really having terrible withdrawals, he needs to exaggerate his symptoms. Especially because methadone does have such bad withdrawals. They probably won't care if he's hydrated. Tell him to complain of chest pain or trouble breathing. They will have to have him seen by a doctor at the least and possibly will bring him to the emergency room. Maybe that way he can get some of his symptoms alleviated. Maybe they'll give him some IV fluids or something to make him more comfortable.
Most importantly, he should say absolutely nothing to the police. All he has to say is, I want my attorney present. You will get through this. You have to. And in truth it is VERY unlikely that he'll have to serve any time. His attorney will work with him on this. If he has no record and genuinely sounds like he wants treatment, the judge is very likely to allow some sort of treatment and then probation. But it can be a very long, worrisome process. They won't close his case for a very long time. He'll have to have probation visits, urine screenings, etc. It can wear on you because if the probation officer calls and says, "Be in my office by 3," you have to go there. My ex is still on probation for various things and it's been a couple of years. (And he still hasn't learned.) He works over an hour away from the courthouse and often he has to leave work early to go do a urine test.
I can see how broken up you are about this. I still remember how painful it was. I wouldn't be able to sleep and spent all my time running around trying to help him with his case. Try not to do this. It's the lawyer's job. All you will do is hurt yourself. You need to sleep, eat healthy and try not to obsess over things. I know it sounds impossible to do, but try.
Also, it is very unlikely that they will hold him in jail until his next hearing date. The judge will set bail and possibly some pretrial restrictions. The only time someone is held in jail until their trial date is when the person is considered dangerous to the community. Joe is dangerous to himself. And the amount of bail is supposed to correlate to the seriousness of the crime. Murder warrants a higher bail than theft. The lawyer for the prosecution will always ask for a gigantic bail. His lawyer will argue for a lower bail. Usually, the judge comes down somewhere in the middle. The purpose of bail is to make sure he comes back to the next hearing. If he has little or no money, the judge may order a lower bail since even $200 could be a lot of money to someone. His lawyer should ask for him to be released on personal recognizance. And if your BF doesn't have a criminal record or a short or not serious record, the judge may very well let Joe go on personal recognizance. He may put in strict orders to attend so many N/A meetings a week, drug testing, etc.
Please try to find some care for yourself. Try to find an Al-Anon meeting or maybe go see your local priest or minister. You need someone to support you emotionally through this. If you have any questions about the legal part of things, just ask and I can tell you what I know. I know you're scared and are thinking the worst, but remember, the court has seen much, much worse. The key here is for you BF to get the help he needs. When he is released (and I believe he will be when he has his hearing date,) he needs to really comply with whatever the judge orders and maybe even do some extra on his own.
If he is truly suffering with the withdrawals, like I mentioned, he needs to tell the person in charge at the jail that he needs to see a doctor. However he has to do it, he should just do it. Like I said, telling them he's having chest pain or trouble breathing will likely get him seen. They don't want a lawsuit on their hands. They're looking at him like he's just another junkie when the truth of it is he's just another person who got caught up in an addiction and he needs help not jail.
Take some time today for you. If you're having trouble sleeping, make sure you take some melatonin or Allteril (both are natural and non-habit forming.) Good sleep is essential for you, as well as good nutrition. Loving an addict can take a huge toll on someone. But, again, you cannot help him unless you are in good shape. You have to be number one. Just like during his recovery, his sobriety has to come before everything else, right now you have to put you before everything else. In that way, you'll be able to help him without falling apart physically or emotionally.
Keep posting as it will help you but you really need to find someone in real life to help you through. In the end, things will all work out, and it could be that all of this will have a profound effect on Joe and will help in his recovery. Legally, things are not as bleak as you think (nor are they going to be as bad as the police or the district attorney will pretend.) It is serious but I would be very surprised if he's not released at his arraingment. His attorney will work on reducing the charges.
I'm not even sure what pharmacy it was. Over the past year he has used several (which I know is not a good practice, trust me!) But he did three times over the past year, and also at times had to go to different pharmacies because of the amount that he gets not being in stock at one or another. I am guessing they must already have possession of the script, but they never showed it to him. They just told him "well, we know you did it, so we have to use this against you to make sure you cooperate". I just don't even know what to do. I called the attorney that was assigned to him but haven't gotten a call back. I called this guy that he had the meeting with who was the one that told me he'd be in a medical ward and that everything would turn out ok and he'd be back to work on Monday...no call back. I've called him multiple times and left message as has Joe's father, but his phone is off and there is no response. I am so frustrated because I feel like he lied to me, to Joe and to Joe's father and now he won't even talk to us, probably because he does not care. Little does he know just how much I am hurting. This is the WORST pain I have ever been in. No it is not physical, but I would trade this emotional pain for physical pain in a heartbeat. I live in a secluded area with no friends near by so I am just so so so so alone and it is unbearable. I have lived on my own before, but to get so used to being with someone and to have them torn away from you s suddenly, to not be able to call them or see them or even know how they are doing....it is heart wrenching. I honestly would rather be in an induced coma during this time. The only time I get any peace is when I sleep, but this past night I even remembered all of this in my dreams, because was recounting what happened to a friend in my dream. Plus everytime I wake up it all rushes back to me and I'm overtaken by agonizing sadness. I'm almost concerned for my own mental health. Joe's parents said I could go out and visit them anytime I want to be with somebody....but they are over a hour away and I'm afraid of breaking down crying in the car and not being able to drive well. If he ends up locked up in jail, I just don't know what I'll do. I know this all sounds irrational, and maybe someday I'll look back on it and think I was just being dramatic, but right now all I know is that it literally feels like my heart has shattered and I'm just clinging to try to keep some of the pieces together. I feel like I'm in solitary confinement sitting in this apartment by myself, and reaching out on this message board is pretty much my only human contact. At least on Monday I will be back to work, but it should be interesting to try to hold it all together for a 10 hour day. I hope that I am strong enough to do it because I can't bare to cry infront of anyone. I just keep thinking of him behind that glass window breaking down crying (which I have never seen him cry before) and my heart breaks for him. At least I get the freedom of the outside world. He is trapped in a cell with his pain and misery.. I apologize for being so lengthy on here but it is my only outlet and I eel as though I will soon collapse into a puddle of a human being from all the sorrow and tears. I appreciate the encouragement. While nothing other than Joe being back wil be able to fix this loneliness, at least hearing from people on here gives me a glimmer of hope and a little assurance that maybe I'm not entirely alone.
HI.....I would have made them locate the scripts in question the pharmacy"s out here keep a copy of all controlled substance.......Last I heard was this is a free country and I can do anything I want just so it dosent harm the environment or hurt property or people it up to the court to prove him guilty or free not a couple of cops threatening you...at least as the pharmacy to look it up to see there are any errors in how it was wrote....good luck with all of the ...but if I had to do it over it was worth every minute I spent in withdrawals just to be done with it...if they wont give you an answer at the pharmacy get a lawyer I will keep you guys in my prayers God bless....Gnarly
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