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Motivation / Energy / Blah's....
So I'm at 17.5 days clean from an on/off year long addiction to Oxycodone, Perc's and Vic's. Only did it everyday for the last two months.... I'm feeling good physically, though still weaker than normal but am frustrated the "blues", lethargy, lack of motivation, etc... aren't gone... I have read a thousand different posts about this being part of the process but I guess I didn't anticipate it would take this long to get back to "normal"... Just very frustrated right now. No chance of relapse as conviction is 100% just worried I did some serious long term brain damage or something... Sorry, just venting...... Not sure where I would be without this site...
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Thought I'd post an update in case anyone is following a similar path or does a search. 4 hours away from day 22! Feel light years away from the 1st week but about 80% id say. Funny how I went into cold turkey thinking I'd just have the "flu" for a few days than be back to my old self. I guess this has been a not so gentle reminder of the awful power these drugs can have and do to your brain! Stay strong!!! oM
Robin - worth well more than 2 cents!!!! I've been following your journey and you are an inspiration to everyone! I'm not sure I would be strong enough to go through what you are doing. With that, I do feel lucky that I quit after a "relatively" short duration. I am feeling a degree better today. Not sure if it is a placebo effect but ate some curry for breakfast (sorry, I know that sounds awful to you), took some B12 and tyrosine so maybe I'm on to something to help me through. Exercise is something I HAVE TO START ASAP. Joining a gym tomorrow. I would love to have that site info on the brain effects and chemistry as it is really intriguing... I guess it's just the ambiguity of not knowing WHEN it will get 100% better that is killing me.... My fear is it will NEVER but I know it will. I've just given in to the fact that I'm paying the piper for my use and as I read on another post which I liked - this is like birthing pains for being "reborn". Thanks again Robin!
Thank you so much for the post! Everyday I'm closer to feeling like myself and I really like the thought of focusing on NEVER having to go through this crap again! Well put!
I was on the oxy diet about the same amount of time as you. After the first week I felt better then it would just come and go. Have a decent day then have two bad ones. The 30 day mark is where I really seen a big difference. I actually went on a week long trip to Disney the next week and made it good except for my knees killing me after 3 days of walking nonstop. Just have faith and hope that you will feel normal again. Another thing, stay busy! The worse thing you can do is sit around doing nothing. Find some type of after care and go on with your life. Just think, you'll never have to go thru this crap again. Good luck...
Thanks for the reply. I have been eating healthy, taking vitamins but really haven't done much exercising. Need to start that and see how that goes! Yes I have day 30 countdown going and am confident I will feel better one day at a time!
Ha, yeah I have to laugh a bit too.... I know I want an instant solution as that is howmy mind has worked for a while. I know time will heal just having " one of thes days " where I feel this is permanent!
Don't worry. You're a little over two weeks clean so it's still early. If you over think the process you'll feel burdened and like you're not getting anywhere. But you are getting somewhere. Let's see how you feel at 30 days...Are you exercising at all? It makes a huge difference in jump starting those endorphins!
Is it okay if I giggle WITH you? I distinctly remember writing about the exact same feelings at 20 days. And everyone reminded me that I didn't get addicted in 20 days and I'm not gonna feel better in 20. How long did you use for? Your brain hasn't made any natural endorphins in lord knows how long. You have to give it time. A lot of people say they felt a change at 60 days. Everyone is different but in less than 30 days clean, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, feeling wise.
I'm sure everyone hammered home aftercare, right?
I'm sure everyone hammered home aftercare, right?
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You said you've read lots and lots of posts from people..well, I found some stuff on another site (pm me if you want the name, not sure if I'm allowed to post it here) about the science-side of what we did to our brains.
You don't have long term damage. I am worried about the same thing, and I was on DAILY oxy for 8 years. Not on/off, every single day, 365, for 8 years. But I'm also a former science teacher, with a B.S. in pharmacology, so this stuff really intrigued me.
Do you know what "endorphins" is short for ? (these are the feel-good chemicals our bodies naturally produce, and the STOP making when we put opiates in ourselves.) It stands for "endogenous morphine."
The human body is am amazing machine. It habituates to practically any environmental or internal change. When we put opiates in our bloodstream, they cross the BBB into our gray matter, and our brains eventually say "gee, I don't have to produce ANY of my own naturally occurring morphine, because this dude is giving me extra~!"
Then we stop.
The brain has to acclimate. It took time for us to addicted; it takes time for us to get UN-addicted. Some stuff that will force your neurons to squirt our endorphins (and make you feel good again, like before you starting using)
1. EXERCISE: this is the biggest.
2. Chocolate
3. Hot Spicy foods (this is totally impossible for me, as I have severe IBS, but it's in all the literature...chili peppers make your body produce endorphins. They'd make me projectile vomit as I lay curled in a fetal position on my bathroom rug...but I digress..)
4. Sex
5. Any activity that gives you pleasure: the act of giving, loving, doing, charity, LAUGHING (my daughter just got her new Iphone and spent the morning doing videos of me singing loud and off-key and then replaying them in Slo-Motion. I looked totally ridiculous and horrifying, but I belly laughed so hard, and it FELT GREAT!
and...6. Water. It doesn't directly cause your brain to make endo's, but it is so vitally important, and cannot be overstated. Beer, no. Coffee, soda, NO. Plain water...we are just big, salt, aqueous bags of saline, and we get SO dehydrated when we are using opiates and when we are in w/d.
It is impossible or at least really difficult for our bodies to reacclimate without the proper amount of hydration. How much? Enough so your urine clear w/no bad smell (sorry, gross, I know.)
I'm not a doctor, so you should always check with your MD about your physical health, but these are some of the things I'm doing to help rebuild my brain chemistry, and get my neurons firing normally.
I used to work out an hour or more on opiates and feel NO pain. Now, I am lucky if I can do 30 minutes. Yesterday, I did 15. Even just walking around your yard, cleaning the house, anything that makes you break into a light sweat is good.
Hope this helped. Again, I'm at day 40, and I'm still having:
-no good sleep
-tummy troubles
-dry hacking cough
-low energy, low moods
-anxiety thru the roof.
But it WILL get better. No one suffers withdrawals forever. Hugs, -R.