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2120911 tn?1350922661

My resolve *****

I am a prescribed Hyrdo abuser. Initially for post knee surgery pain, then I was faced with tremendous emotional pain so i treated that with Hydro, now i just use to "show up" for life.

Strange but the only time I have the resolve to quit is when I run out. Few days ago I was down to one 750 got nervous about running out (no surprise) made some calls..sent some texts..... crap... no one has nothing to get me by and I start to get angry and say "screw this crap I'm better than this ! " I'm quitting....took my last pil that night, read a book and felt good about starting a new life....In the morning I did something unheard of...i left for work stark raving sober no morning hydro...I lasted the work day and sure enough 6 pm I get the text to re-up..I said cool without any hesitation......where in the hell did my resolve go?
4 Responses
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1801781 tn?1461629469
Until you block all available avenues...odds are you are gonna lose your resolve.  I had to tell my doctor and all my close family.  It helped to keep me straight while I went thru withdrawals and after (so far).  The fear of withdrawals seems scary than the reality.  Not saying it does not s u c k...cause it does.  But so does feeling cloudy and numb.  I am feeling things I have not felt in years.  I am starting to enjoy my life again.  I am still working on why I took them, but finally started understanding that and trying to keep the knowledge close to me as I heal.  

You are better than this we all are.  We just have to BELIEVE it.  When you are ready we will be here to help.  Just let us know.  
Helpful - 0
2120911 tn?1350922661
Thanks little...I hope no one judges me because I have no announcement about X days off the meds.

Little I keep thinking my connection witht my drug of choice goes farther than simply quitting.I feel like if i was chained to a radiator for 7 days I would detox and be all better... This may sound weird but I feel "un plugged" when Im straight...when im buzzed the whole world seems right and I feel good about myself, my life and the future.
Helpful - 0
1801781 tn?1461629469
None, you have to be ready for it to work.

  We all have our own bottom and when we get there the only way is up.  How long has it been since you have been yourself w/o the pills??  Because they will turn on you.  You will need more and more to feel just OK.  At what point will your liver decide to give up the ghost?  Perhaps going to some NA meetings would help. You do not have to be clean, just have to be considering it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
a very wise man once said the desire to get clean must exceed the desire to get high untilll your there you will slip back you have to mack a couches effort to want to get clean and then put forth the work its going to take to get you thereit relly not as bad as you think it only 4 days of your life very small in the sceam of things opposed to using day after day you can still do this change you phone no change your friends it all part of doing this where here for you when your ready to try again good luck and God bless.........Gnarly
Helpful - 0
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