Today is Day 9 - feeling FINE! - Almost

[chico1969]

G'day All,

Day nine Oxy-Clean (lol) and feeling much better.  I am still a bit down and have moments of anxiety and very little energy - but other than that I think I'm actually going to make it outta this alive!!

I AM troubled about my trip tomorrow though - My boyfriend has been with me every step of the way through my detox and I'm leaving on a 4 day work trip tomorrow morning.  I don't feel ready to go out in the real world and function normally - it took every ounce of strength I had yesterday just to do the laundry (but there WAS alot due to me being in bed most of the week and the sweaty sheets and hundred towels from showering!!)
I have extreme anxiety about leaving home and I'm not sure if it will be noticeable that I'm weak and been through the wringer.  Do you think anyone will notice a change in me - other than just the odd sneeze and being tired?  These are people I've worked with during my entire addiction - they only know the "addict" me on pills and not the "real" me.  Sounds sad to say I must agree.

I used to wonder if people could tell that I was high - now I'm going to wonder if they can see a difference and tell that something is different about me!!  What a dillemma - lol.

I'm really worried about the evenings with the work crew - it is a 4 day conference and I KNOW everyone is going to want to go out and party at night.  How can I get outta that without looking like a real drip and party pooper?  I am planning to say that I was sick this weekend and still have a touch of the flu - but you know how people are - they'll try to drag me out there and say get over it etc.  Any suggestions?  I know this is not really a serious problem - but it IS messing with my head - and that means I'm vulnerable to use - I think.

[chico1969]

Thanks Chronic - that makes me feel better.  Just hearing that everything will be alright - I hope you're right!!

I've started to listen to music today - had a bbq with my mom and bf - things really ARE going to be ok.  Now I've just got to get through the next four days - then back to work for one day and then the weekend to recoup.  I think i can do it/

Michelle

[chronicmistake]

Yeah, great advise from all of the above.  don't feel ashamed or guilty. It is no one elses business if you don't want it to be.  Stick to the flu thing so you have a reason for feeling bad and staying in at night.  You need lots of positive self talk.  I sit in a hot tub and take lots of deep breaths and tell myself positve things. You should be so pround of yourself.  

Your going to be ok.  everything will be alright!! :)

[chico1969]

Thanks everyone!!  

I actually tried a ginsing shot today - little tiny bottles??  I don't know if you guys have them in the states, but every corner store here sells them - at least in Toronto.  I think it actually helped!! I'm also taking some glucose tablets that are supposed to boost energy, maybe it helped.  But most of all - went OUTSIDE shopping to a few places getting ready for this trip.  Feeling a bit better about it - thanks for the replies, and yes, I think I will try to embrace it and look at the trip as a positive thing.  At least there will be NO way I can be tempted to pick up - don't know a soul in Ottawa!!  LOL

[Greatgreebo]

The work trip might actually be a GOOD thing....even though you feel like you've been through the wringer-once you get out and about around others during the day you will be 'distracted' and you will be surprised and how little you think about your WDs and the pills etc.......remember, what you have to face from now on is pretty much 100% mental...so keep a positive attitude, don't dread the work trip-embrace it!! think about how distracted you will be (it's so much easier when we aren't stuck in our own heads)....IF they try to pressure you to go out at night when you prefer to stay in and rest, well just use your new found self-esteem and self-worth and tell them NO.
you can do this.
don't dread it.
enjoy it.
you will be fine.
like I said: it's a mental game from now on...keep it positive

stay strong
Greatgreebo
(ps...see my jacked up post on your vitamin request so you can get some of the stuff if you don't already have it)

[laurel453]

You are not suggesting anything bad here, Fass.. Ltyrosine is an amino that is recommended on the amino acid protocol. If only that to some people it makes them feel jittery like a shot of caffeine extra

Bob, i should have said to stick to the truth of the whitelie  ;)  hahaha

[FassFeat]

Chico, I don't know if this would work for you, given the anxiety you have had, but today I was dragging (just not alot of energy) and I took a 5 hr energy shot made up of mainly B6, B12, L-tyrione (probably not spelled rght) Not Red Bull or any of that stuff. It really got me going. Not twitching or nervous, just noticable energy. If you think about trying it, you might just tk a little at a time to see if it makes you anxious. I really believe when your energy level is so low, it just evens you out. May not be good idea for you, you know your body, but to your point, tomorrow you are going to need a little help (of the non narc type) I hope I am not suggesting anything bad here, but I really looked the label over and it appears harmless. (like a shot of B12) Good Luck and hopefully you will find time to let us know how ur doing. Congrats on Day 9 and God Bless.

[jstntime]

I have nothing to add to all the great advice above.  Nobody can MAKE you go out.  You WILL be fine, perfomance wise.  You will be better in fact because your mind will be sharper.

Laurel kills me!!!!  Tells you to stick to the truth then tells you to lie!!!  ha ha  Great one Laurel  :)

You'll figure it out chico, you got THIS far!!!!!

bob

[dominosarah]

Once you get thru this part of the wd's you will see more clearly the insanity that the pills created.  You will be okay on this trip.  Tell them you have mono and watch them scatter!!!  LOL

[chico1969]

Thanks All,

No, these people did not know I was using - and I'd like to keep it that way.  In my line of work I could be fired if anyone ever found out.  I will just stick to my story and say I'm sick and tired - which I am anyway!!

Yes, Sarah - I will be calling the BF alot for sure - cell phone bill will be sky high next month, oh well at least I don't have to buy any pills!!

Starting packing now, not really into it.  Before my detox I was sooo excited about this trip - now I'm dreading it.  Hate to admit that - things seemed so much easier when still using.  I know that\'s a cop out - just being honest.

[dominosarah]

and you do have a telephone so you can always call your bf and talk with him......

[laurel453]

Hey, stick to the truth... i mean, that you have had a bad flu and you are very tired. period. Stand for you no matter what the others can tell you ... 9 days ago you decided that you were going to stick to the healthiest choices for you from now.... you only need thinking of what it is the best for you now, go for it. We are not superwomen anymore, remember ? :) we don't need to be one but ourselves and the new you needs time to rest and you will be all right, don't think about what the others can think, pls .

Good luck on your trip and with the work, yu can do it, trust yourself, you are stronger than 10 days ago when you relied on some substance, you are not now, you are stronger but a little bit tired, that's all :)

[dominosarah]

Did these people know you were addicted?  I understand the apprehension you have about leaving but you are in control of you now.  So what if you are considered a party pooper, you are a clean one now.  Dont give them the power to persuade you to go out.  Stand your ground and just say NO!!        sara

[GoingToMakeIt]

No one will know why you are feeling ill. It looks like you are getting over the flu.
If you are 'ill' you should have no problem bowing out of partying.


Congratulation on being OxyClean!!!! lol