Needing encouragement

[Jennibean]

I have been lurking on this site for a couple months but this is my first post. I would come here when I was running out of my scripts thinking of quitting and when I had a new refill you would never find me here because I was in denial. I have been taking Vicodin for the past 8 months everyday and lately I have been taking (12) 5/500 or (8) 7/750. I occasionally had scripts of percocet in there too. It started with a back injury and when that was feeling better my gall bladder started giving me alot of pain. It took them a couple months to diagnose my gall bladder problem but I had it removed on Jan 8 and I guess you could say I am pain free. So natuarlly time to stop taking pain medicaition. Well that proved impossible!! If I woke up without any I was so depressed and I would go to any Dr or Dentist to get more. So I wrote my Dr a letter telling him about my problem and I sat there as he read it. I knew I was bringing my main supply to an end but I had to. His solution was to give me oxycontin so I wouldn't have the ups and downs because it lasts 12 hours, he gave me a small dose of 10mg's and took me to take it for 10 days and then every other day for 5 days. Hmm yeah right you know that was gone in just 3 days! From there I hit urgent cares and dentists and suddenly this past Sunday I didn't feel like going and waiting 3 hours at urgent care. I decided I would finally quit, well I was so sick I couldn't take care of my child my hudsbad had to lift her because my back hurt so bad. The diarreah has been awful so I keep immodium next to me at all times. But the worst part was trying to go to sleep. I tried everything but to no avail, my legs and arms were flying all over the place, I was SO aware of my feet it was unreal, guess they had been somewhat numb for 8 months. After  not sleeping I knew I needed to go back to my Dr and ask for more help or I would just go find some Vicodin because the feeling of withdrawl was unbearable. So my Mom came over and I went to the Dr, he gave me a script for Ativan and that is going to help me I think, It stops me from having panick attacks and most importantly stops my feet from jumping around. I told him no more opiates! I was afraid he would try more of that and after one night of detox I know I never want to start this again. I don't drink or do recreational drugs, I didn't go into this looking to get high I did it because I was in pain. I am no longer in pain and I need to stop taking these things because they are affecting my life, haven't made love to my husband in 8 months, my Mom and Brother's and sister are all worried about me thinking somehow I have changed but not knowing why, I thought they made me feel normal how I was suuposed to feel but after just three days, the colors are brighter and the way I think truly is different. I have a LONG way to go which Is why I finally decided to post. 3 days is NOTHING compared to the 8 months I was on them. I still feel awful and am wondering when this will go away. Like a bad flu almost but I know the Ativan are helping. I only have those for 10 days though so I hope it gets better soon. Will I ever have that feeling of well being again without vicodin? I took 2 and knew my life was fine everything was fine..LOL now I am not so sure and I am scared!
When will I wake up happy again? I used to say people who did drugs were idiots and I LOVED feeling normal. I can remember saying it but don't remember what normal feels like! Thank you for listening, I really hope I can do this. I have never tried before because I never really want to quit, I want to take them for the rest of my life!

[chad]

Jen
  You will never be happy until you are off the dope.  Even when yo do finally (if ever) get off.  You will continue to be unhappy.  It takes a long time for this disease to go away.  I mean years and years. Girl I feel ya and I've been there too.  I jus had 16 teeth extracted about 2 hours ago.  Percocets are what they gave me, and know I actually need them for pain.  Ironic isn't it.  They tried to give me a sleeping sedative and they ddn't work, because I take pills all the time.  The doctor was like...are you OK?  I said yeah I just don't feel anything Doc. So he carried me back and hit me with Nitrous OXide.  Anyway I wish you well and we can talk if you e-maiil me ***@****
Love Chad

[PS >>>>Annie]

.........Please tell me that was a typo???  16 teeth....oh my!
yes, I would say you need the medication.  If you dont mind me asking???  why remove the teeth???? .....geeesh take it easy. good luck to you.

[chad]

Nope no type-o, I had SIXTEEN (16) removed today.  I had it done because I needed dentures more than you can imagine.  I was on PhenFen about 2 years ago and it totally destroyed my teeth and gums because it dried out my mouth and made me sweat like a dutch boy on the first day of june.  Yeah, it hurt but I feel a little better now.  But sixteen teeth is a lot of teeth.  I can finally smile again and show my teeth.  Before I always had to just smile and cover up my teeth with my hand, you get the picture.  Anyway God Bless and take Care
Chad

[chad]

I am chad's younger brother,my name is casey.I've done hard drugs all my life,since I was 14 and when I was 18 I started heroin.I tried to quit using when I was 21.I started stealing oxycontin60mg from my dad.When I didn't have Oxycontin,I would go and get heroin.I was taking 2 60's at a time,3 times a day.After fighting with my heroin addiction for years,I finally overdosed.My wife found me in the bathroom dead.My father and my brother(panic stricken)revived me.That still didn't stop me.I continued to use for 5 more months,then one day I decided that I wanted to live again.When I was 22 I quit.I've been clean(no dabbling at all)for 1year and 2 months and for the past 8 days I've been taking 4 7.5mgVicoprofens a day.I know this is wrong but I've missed being high so much and I feel like I'm back on the right track.I am able to function fine in the work world and I pay all of my debts.My baby is due in March and I know I'll be able to provide for her.

[PS >>>>Annie]

To all my new friends here on the forum: Cindi, JB, Tom(Pat), chad, Mariah, Maryanne, Barb, Dee, Vicky V, Brighty, Gina and you too Dan.....Happy Valentines Day!...I wish you all, a life full of love and happiness.  You all deserve it!  Am I being to corny??? lol.....Annie

[Gina]

No it's not corney, I think it's very sweet and I for one appreciate it. Thanks!!!

[PS >>>>Annie]

For those of us dealing w/ chronic pain issues, there is an article at pain.com under FYI "Today's Pain News," I thought you may be interested in.  Give me some feed-back.
Oh, thanks Gina...that was sweet!

[PS >>>>Annie]

See prior post.

[Dee]

Thanks Annie, that was sweet and a picker upper!

[Dee]

Annie, thanks for that site, I just dropped over there, once I go through it and figure it all out I thinks it going to be a great site to visit! thanks again

[PS >>>>Annie]

....Pat, Cindi, JB....anyone!  I am frantic.  Realizing I will be in need of long term pain mngmt, I did a little research.  Pat, I understand how Tom feels now.  When you need a certain treatment and cant get it.  I've called 2 pain mngmnt. ofc's on my insurance plan, only to discover that these doctors are pulling out of the "pain" field.  So much for the jcaho standards and the Pain Patients Bill of Rights.  If my primary doc. doesnt continue to treat me for any reason, I'll have no where to turn.
I've already been to 2 other pain docs and they were big jokes, won't get into that right now.  This crisis is larger than I thought.  I can deal w/ the pain right now, but dammit I'm tired of being strong.....Don't get relief that way.  The doctors where I live are just plain scared and who suffers??? My future looks very grim.......
Ps.....you know what the nurse told me at one of these clinics:  "to many people becoming dependant on medication.  I dont even begin to understand this world we live in.  Lets go save a whale!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Andy]

To Annie,
I have been down this route, it feels like know one will listen or beleive you about your pain. No one is willing to prescribe narcotics because of the fear of addiction.

Please don't give in, there are some doctors who are willing to prescribe these drugs. It has taken me 18 months to prescribe a drug which finally controls the pain. MST (Morphine Sulphate) is one of the best painkillers in the world. I beleive that these drugs should not be kept from people who really need them.

Physical dependence is an inevitable when using narcotics long term but this doesn't meen you are addicted. But unfortunatly most doctors don't see it this way.

I really do hope you get the treatment that you need, good luck.
Andy

[PS >>>>Annie]

.......My pcp is prescribing Vicodin, but for how long???  There are no lines of communication about the next several months.  This is why I have an appointment to see him next week.  I realize from this forum that medication can not be stopped abruptly.  I have this feeling this is what he is going to do.  I've read the stories here.  I do understand now, that I will become dependant.  I stopped the meds in the past w/ no withdrawals, but its inevitable.  Although my pain is somewhat bareable, it will worsen.  Even the nurse I quoted above stated this.  I have been strong for 8 years.......living through the bouts of pain and the limitations, but I feel like this is really hitting home now.  My family is not a good source of support, and thats why I've been here.
  I'm afraid, and tired.
Thank you for responding!   Annie

[PS >>>>Annie]

.....Im happy for you.  I always have hope when I see a story like yours....Thanks

[dee dee]

To Dee. this is DeeDee, I told you i was going to go under a different name as not to confuse everyone but i'm not sure now that i registered under this name ,how to go about that. I noticed when i posted a question this morning, my name was posted as Dee, not DeeDee. sorry for the incovenience.

[PS >>>>Annie]

.......As you gathered from my prior post, I was frantic, in pain, and no-where to turn, but I was going about things the wrong way.
I was up all night in severe pain.....went to my ortho, and as it turns out......I do not need "pain mngmt.", I need surgury. (:  I was just putting off the inevitable, and seeking relief, but the pain (some of the pain) will be remedied once I have the surgury.  I knew I needed the surgury, but wanted to wait.  
Anyway, I will be going in next week, and my Doc prescribed meds, but I've let this go on for so long that the pain is almost beyond relief.

[cindi]

Just read your "frantic post"  My husband is in the exact same predicament.  No one is willing to treat his pain.  The give him this new stuff called MOBIK  Don't ask what I call it  LOL.  Neurontin, elavil what the hell.  This is crazy so I have to watch him on the couch all the time cuz he is non-functioning when the pain becomes to severe.  I don't know, then joe down the street cracks a toe and comes home with Oxy's  go figure....sorry i am so late in reading these posts, man that virus hit everyone in my house like you would not believe.   take care  cindi

[PS >>>>Annie]

I know what you mean.  I think "chronic pain patients" are sooo stigmatized that doctors have this BEWARE attitude.  Ya know I can recall going to the doctor for sinus trouble and getting some meds for the headache, but low and behold I should try to get something for a peace of "machinery" falling out of my body. lmao lol  Its really gotten bad, I tell you!
ps.......Hope you feel better soon!!!

[Andy]

Hi Annie
I'm glad you have worked out what to do, I hope everything goes alright with your surgery next week. Please don't be afraid to take the pain meds if you really need them.

as you have probably have read previously on this forum, taking them for true pain and taking them to just get high are two very different things. Beleive me I don't know what I would do without the Morphine although it doesn't take the pain away it reduces it and enables me to cope with my life most of the time.

Please let me know how you get on,

Andy

[cindi]

Hi,  I saw your Valentine's message,  That was not corny,  it was too sweet and so sincere.  Right back atcha a lillt late but my intentions were good  LOL   Love ya  cin

[PS >>>>Annie]

Raggedy Anne & Andy.........Just a little joke there.  lol   In reading my last post to you; once again, I couldn't help but feel funny.  It seems a little strange to tell someone your happy for them when they receive such strong medication, but I believe I'm starting to get the jist of this whole situation.  To sum it up a bit: Chronic pain = long term medication = understandable dependency.  I do not think Dr. Steve would agree, nor would most doctors.  I guess I do understand their dilemma.  Doctors phones are probably ringing off the hook by patients wanting their meds, and they fear sanctions by the DEA.  And what a dilemma it is.  
I've notice you do not post much.  If you do not mind me asking, what is the nature of your illness or injuries.  If you've read my post, you realize how inquisitive I am. Tom and Cindi have been really great, and have offered much insite into the world of addiction.  Most of them got where they are because of an injury.  
What do YOU think will happen w/ the DEA and laws concerning this matter, in the future?  Cindi believes their will be growing concern over addiction, resulting in tighter legislation.
The whole situation scares me.  I look forward to your response.
Annie

[Andy]

Hi Annie

The reason why I have severe chronic pain is very complicated, I will try to explain as best as I can.

I'm sorry I can't comment on the DEA laws because I live in the UK.

I have a very complicated eye conditions which originally started out as chareracts when I was born and developed into retinal detachments (3 left eye, 1 right). The damage that this surgery caused made the cornea swell up with water. I needed a corneal transplant in June 1999 which unfortunatly was in the middle of the GCSE exams which in England we take at 16. The cornea was rejected two weaks later and couldn't be controlled.

After the rejection the pain has greatly increased and the only drugs in which help are the opiats/narcotics. As the eye which causes the pain has the best sight, I really don't want it removed much against my GP'S wishes who hates prescribeing the Morphine and dihydrocodeine amoung many other drugs.

I have been reffered to a brilliant pain specialist who has no problem with me using these powerful drugs and has said that if people use them for pain, and don't use them to get high then the likely hood of addiction is very low. Physical dependance is inevitable with long term opiate use but as I am already physically dependant on the dihydrocodeine and probably the morphine then what have I got to loose?

I'm sorry about the length of this but I hope it helps in giving other people hope for the future. Beleive me I have been there knowing how low you feel when the pain is unbareable and no-one listens. I still feel like that sometimes but I am learning to cope.

Andy

[Brighty]

I have been away from the forum for awhile and the first thing I somehow read was your post... it caused me to have a serious sense of awareness regarding chronic pain which I read about here so often. You are courageous and have taken a front row seat in managing your own decisions about what is best for YOU !! Congratualtions. Bluntly, to either be addicted, dependent or whatever it may be, or to lose an eye... you can be sure I'd choose the dependency. I don't know if anyone can tell you for sure if dependency caused by pain means you're not addicted... addiction is the complex need, both physical and psychological which is CREATED by the use of these chemicals. My guess is that if a person can live without them when there is no longer pain that perhaps they were just dependent.... but if after withdrawl and pain are both gone the person still continually relapses I think that may be addiction.... there is so much in the way of personality types and genetic predispositions that it seems silly to try to make sense of it... you have found a humanitarian doctor who understands the emotional suffering that goes along with your physical suffering and has opted to give you the comfort you deserve and allow you to make the choices that are your God given rights. God bless you. Brighty

[Brighty]

Thanks so much for the lovely valentine's sentiment !! It felt really good to be included... I hope you find what you need.... I am still baffled by the way hurting people are put in a position of having to justify their needs and then risking criminal activity when they have to resort to the only tactics left to them. God bless you. Brighty