Not happy high, not happy period

[wannawean]

Feeling once again hopeless... I'm not happy when I'm using, I'm not happy when I'm not. Guess my opiate addiction has spanned a little over a decade. Feel like a waste of space. I'm afraid my brain chemistry is so messed up it will never recover, or that it will take so long that I will cave and go back to opiates. Guess I need to find a good therapist? Right now I'm so defeated, my attitude is why bother... Those of you w/ long term sobriety Plz tell me it gets better? I am sooo afraid.

[toothfairie]

just wanted to offer my support....i'm new to recovery...113 days clean...but it does get better....some good days, some bad....but every day you wake up clean is a GOOD day....just keep posting for support and others will come along...don't beat yourself up....you're certainly not a waste of space....your story here could help more people....this place helped me so much...and still is...lots of kind, caring people on here...we want you to succeed!  good luck with it all!  

[wannawean]

Wow! You sure have been thru a lot! I too am a rn. I wk in places where I can not divert meds, thank god! But I still worry that my habit will be discovered and I will loose that:( I hope that I can break this cycle w/o that or something worse happening.i fear seizures ect... Wish I could get in the right frame of mind to tackle this head on...I try to be grateful and positive but my mind seems to function on a very primal level. Best wishes to ya strong lady!

[flowerchild57]

I just found this place and joined last night.  I haven't yet posted but I saw your post..I wish I could tell you no worries all will be fine but as you know its just not that easy..it took me getting arrested and loosing my nursing license just over 10 years ago to get off pain pills..my opiate addiction lasted over 2 decades but it can be done..my biggest mistake was to think once I was clean I had nothing to worry about..after all it wasn't street drugs I used..big lie I told myself..my husband of 27 years divorced me and I remarried someone who was into meth..I didn't know it at the time..long story short I never tired a street drug till I was a grandma but fast became addicted to meth..been clean from that for 7 years ..took getting arrested this last time from the FBI to get clean..but back to what you were saying..my point is in all my ramblings is you can do it..never think it can't happen again..same thing different drug..you brain is a wonderful thing..it can feel happiness..well just feel again was something even..and no you are not a waste of space..if anything..maybe you can help the next person reaching out..be kind to yourself..you have made it this far and never give up