ONE Year!

[Bkitty]

OMG in true Bkitty form I typed a long post and I hit something and erased it! Nov 8, 2011 was supposed to be the day I died. It ended up being the first day of the rest of my life,,sober. Some of you all have followed and supported me from Day 1 and know that it was a trying year for me. I stumbled along and fell (relapsed mentally a few times) a few times but I always got back up. I literally owe my life to some of the members here. Im doing OK these days. Some days are harder than others. I ended up stopping my meds for depression and learned a HUGE lesson. One: dont ever do that! Two: I need them. Tomm is going to be a hard day for me. I remember last year so vividly. Buying the chain at Lowes,,looking for the "spot" to hang,,popping over 28 perks. By the grace of God I ended up going to sleep that night and according to my husband "snored something fierce!". I woke up Nov 9 and then my life changed. Im still humble. Grateful. I cant thank everyone here enough! (((hugs)))~Bkitty

[Pat1956100]

I think finding this forum saved me from so much despair.  Just finding out that I wasn't alone in this madness has helped so much.  I have met so many people who really, really care and it's overwhelming.  It seems we have such a common bond and way of thinking.  Nothing seems to shock any of us.
It all starts by making that first post and I hope others that are hurting and feeling alone read your thread bkitty and reach out for help.  There are some amazing people ready to help.

[clean_in_ks]

FIREWORKS.....BLAST OFF (for Kyle).....CELEBRATE YOU!!!

365 DAYS IS AMAZING!!!!!  (and I love what the picture on your profile says, too)

I love to hear about ANY long term, big, milestones.  And you will most likely never forget the night before you got clean.  You've come so far....

I, too, while drug induced, had more than one plan on taking my life.
Had a  special little box razor knife stashed behind my clock radio....just for when I had the courage to use it.  Also, after going 3 yrs without a car,
after I finally got one, then I could do it "that" way with the garage door shut when my hubby left for something.
Once my mind was not saturated in drugs, and I mean saturated.....the thoughts about ending my life started to fade.

I didn't travel your one yr journey with you on this site, didn't even find the forum until I was 60 days clean.  Can see where having this support would have helped me.  But, you bkitty, are helping me NOW.  
"And I thank you"  (singin that song from long ago ha!) You're probably too young to remember it....."You didn't have to treat me like you did, like you did, but I thank you")  Ok...enuf Ha!

I have been reading some info on our nervous systems and brains taking from 6 mos to a year to heal and function properly again.  (Cause at 138 days my body is really not "bouncing back" yet.)
SOOO.....I'm believin that!  And celebrating you and your 365 DAYS!!
Blessings to you~
Connie

[Teresa1717]

Wow! Powerful stuff. So glad you found this place!

[vicki595]

Thank God...

[Bkitty]

I didnt start journaling until Day 3. Here is what I wrote. From then on I journaled daily sometimes 2x day.

The depression is overbearing,,I feel lost, hopeless,,like my life is ruined. I feel Like Im in the bowels of hell. I feel Like I have nothing to look forward to. Sometimes I wish that I would just die,,just not wake up. I hurt. I realize now I was abusing percocet because I am in pain-its a pain medication right? How appropriate,,huh? I hanging on by  a thread right now. I have an appointment on Tuesday with a psychiatrist. I know that I need to be in some after care or program. Im not sure if I need to be inpatient even.


This forum saved my life~

[vicki595]

You're so right Pat. The forum is a very powerful place for many, in the most positive way. It would take A LOT for that to change and I truly doubt it ever will...no matter what...