Oxy addict - 5 years - 600-700 mg/day - I got a plan!!

[neeshysman]

Here we go again. Same problem, different forum. I've been battling with Opiate addiction for the better part of 5 years. I've quit 2 times before (though, if I ever really quit, would I be here now?), once with suboxone and once with 5 40mg methadone (orange wafers) that I broke into halves and weened down on for a couple weeks. The time with subs, I started with one a two a day for 4 days, then 1 a day for a week, down to halves, then quarters. It took a little over 2 weeks before I was functioning without anything. That was a good run, I was so proud of myself. It lasted about 6 months. It's been about two years since I started back and one 30 mg Roxy a day has lead to 5 or 6 80's a day, along with 6-8 30mg Roxys in between doses. Between 600 and 700 mgs a day total, for the past 4 months and about half that during the year leading up to it. As I type this, at 2 am on a Sunday night/Monday morning, I've consumed 400 mgs since I woke up at noon today.

The first couple times I quit, I found that distracting myself on the internet to be very helpful. Hence my presence here. However, this has to be the last time. I have a new girlfriend that I have been dating for about 4 months now, and I love her more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she will leave me if my plan doesn't work this time. She knows about my addiction but having never done a drug before, she barely grasps how excruciating the detow is. I tried to quit about 2 months ago and almost lost her because I didn't feel like having sex and was not giving her enough atttention. Obviously, she had no idea how difficult it was going to be. That lasted 2 days and I decided that I needed to wait until I really had her commited to me before I put her through my withdrawal attempt. I feel that time has come, she she is in love with me and has promised to stick by me no matter how bad it gets. I believer her this time.

Even so, I've decided to spend some time away from her during the process. My father recently passed away and left me a little money. I own my own business and I'be been working nonstop through the holidays so that I can take 2 weeks off of work to get this over with. That time is almost here.

I decided to get as far away from the town I live in as possible, as opiates are readily available. I've found this to be first and foremost the best possible way to aviod giving in and making that phone call. Or filling that prescription. If you are in a place where you know no one, you're alot less likely to give in to your cravings. When you truly have no other choice but to continue withdrawing, your chances of succeeding improve drastically.

I'm taking a trip to Sedona, Arizona. I had never heard of this place before but it has a history of being a spritual place, with energy vortexs and alot of other hippy stuff that I'm really into and I think it will be a positive atmosphere to roll the dice in again. Most importantly, I know no one there and will not even attempt to get ahold of anything. The town offers alot of spiritual balancing and cleansing mumbo jumbo that can's hurt to try. I plan on staying for 2 weeks and coming back a new man. It won;t be easy but I have to do this. I refuse to be 30 years old and still losing this battle. I'm turn 30 in August.

I plan on updating anyone who is interested in my progress on a daily basis. I won't want to, and I'll have to force myself to commit to it, but I feel that's ll part of the process. To establish a routine and force myself to do things I really don't feel like doing.

I have plenty of money for food and vitamins and massages and all the others things I've found to be helpful in this process. There is no reason that I shouldn't succeed this time. I am the only one holding myself back and knowing that I traveled so far and spent so much money in recovering will only help motivate me.

I intend on sending my girlfriend a link to this thread once I have left so she can see how I am doing. Of course I will be calling her everyday, but sometimes talking on the phone and expressing myself properly verbally is a challenge. I feel that she can rest easier knowing everything that I am going through and reading about the day to day goals that I will accomplish while I am away.

That's all for now. I'll be leaving in about a week. I'm nervous, scared, desperate, hopeful, disappointed thaqt it's come to this. Please feel free to ask any questions. Or offer any advice. I also welcome any criticism, any skeptisism.

Battery of my laptop about to die.

Tune in!!!

-Mike

[BoboBozo]

*bumping  thread*

Where did you go Neeshy?  Hope you're doing ok and the plan is going well.

[Holliee]

getting worried heard nothing from you... are you ok just let us know. Your in prayers...

[joerandone]

Thank you for being real with me, you've inspired me to detox w/out the use of other meds.

I'm sure you are as well as can be expected.

You can do this!

I prayers go out to you my friend..

[cclaireb]

You can do this. Don't give up. Don't give in. We are all here for you. Just remember that your life is waiting on the other side of this, and the greatest oxy high pales in comparison to the true happiness you will gain as a result of a new sober life. You can do this. Reach out. You'll be amazed at how many people will reach back.

[cclaireb]

I am a 25 year old recently clean oxy addict. I've been there. You can do this! All the people on this board are pulling for you! I'm going to be praying to my higher power for you a ton in the next few days. We are here for you! If you need someone to talk to on the phone, let me know and I've give you my number. You should try to hit up a couple NA or AA meetings in the area. If you want someone to go with let me know. I can contact a few people down there that would be willing to meet up with you and be there for you. All you got to do is say the word. We've been there, and all we want is to help other addicts out and show them that they don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do this alone. We will all be there and give you the strength and courage to get through this. It ******* hard as hell. But it is so much easier when you have others there to lean on during this all. You can do this. Don't give in. Don't give in. Don't give in.

[sunshinegal76]

Hoping that you are okay... let us know how you are feeling!