ToWonderWhat - Criaig

[Fritz67]

Hey Craig:  Hows the detox going?  You are day 3 or 4 today?  I'm on a slow taper and slept pretty well last night.  Woke up at 3, tossed a bit then fell alseep again.  Remember mine is a SLOW taper but have gone from 10 a day to 8 in a couple of days, felt w/d from that for sure but now today will be a test.  Having anxiety due to the heart thumping thing but overall, during the day, I'm very functional. Work is a curse and a blessing.  GETTING to work is hard but once I'm here, things are so busy that I don't have a chance to "think" about my next little dose.  I love when my reminder pops up though b/c around that time, I'm feelin' it.  

I mentioned in my post yesterday I spoke to a "suboxone" clinic and he told me the "fear" of the w/d can give me anxiety.  He's right - cause I got it!  But I'm not dead, right?  I really think before I go to a clinic, I need to try this taper on my own.  I sat down and counted my pills, did a schedule and how long it should take me to be off of them.  I feel pretty darn optomistic when I see it all laid out for me.  I keep my doses in my car so I have to leave my desk to go get them and that means walking downstairs across the parking lot.  Hey!  Maybe I should park further away.  Little tricks we play on ourselves I suppose.  

Anyway, keep us posted on your situation.  Cheers, Fritz

[Fritz67]

Heeeey Cragggie...
How's day 5 going?  How are the w/d's?  How was the painting at the rental?  Therapeutic?  I hate painting.  My guy will do the big parts and I like the details, corners, edges, etc.  You feeling okay today?  Eating well? Sleeping any better?  

I had a busy weekend and slept okay.  I can certainly feel the w/d's today, tummy ache and all.  Got the cement board almost done in the master shower and what a flippin' mess!  I want my bathroom back as I'm sharing with the boys.  It kept me busy and mind off of stuff.  Just got done at the grocery store and I have to say, I hate shoppers.  Lots of stupid people, inconsiderate with the shopping carts, their kids, blah, blah, blah.  Not a lot of tolerance for shoppers who lack "general shopping etiquette".  However, I did get a ton of groceries and when the boys get back from their dads this weekend, they will have a house full of food.  Glad that's done.

I've been reading posts on the forum of women in my exact situation.  Keeping a secret, small kids, and on norco.  And just a short week ago, I was crying out for help and needed YOU GUYS to help me and push me.  Now I'm doing it for others.  Don't get me wrong, I have a LONG way to go and am making progress every day so far but my heart breaks when I read stuff from other people who are struggling.  Wow!  That's what I sounded like I guess.  I'm so glad I did post that night and reached out to all of you guys or I might be exactly where I was last week right now.  Like I said, I THINK I was taking 10 a day but I think it was closer to 15 based on how crummy I felt the first 24-36 hours of eating only 8 pills right away.  Wow, crazy that I got there...  I'm sad for me that I did that to myself.  So much at stake for me.  So much to lose and spending the money was wrong.  But at the time you just don't care b/c you want to get high.  Stupid.  I feel sooooo stupid.  But hey, we all gotta start somewhere and I feel GOOD about where I am now and each day it will get better.  

Wow, anyway, enough of that.  Write when you can let me know how day 5 went.  I have to put all these groceries away and get my arse off the couch.  Gotta get dinner going.  Cheers, Fritz

[ToWonderWhat]

Very happy to make you laugh... and a big thank you to you as well for doing the same for me :)   I can picture that BITE ME glare lol. Sry work was ruff for ya, but hey girl you made it through with less pills then norm. That is progress. Tool and Chinese is good chit, Think i might try i lil take-out myself , stomach seems alot better today. last night was ruff, about the same as the others ive kind of accepted it for what it is. Someone here recommended that i moved to different sopts when nights get like that so we dont end up hating our beds. Makes sense to me now so thats what i did, went from bed to couch to floor back to couch then bed again lol. My dogs gave up on me after the couch the 2nd time cause when i was like comin guys lets go back to bed, they gave me your bite me look lol. luv um to death they are theraputical at times i swear. I to am gonna do some home improvements, one of the rentals we own needs some painting done. although i dread it, i know it'll do me good. (us good) Atleast with you tapering now your breaking your body and mind into how detox is gonna be. It wont hit slam you so hard to where u would freak out or give in. Keep to your goal deary and enjoy your weekend away from work and keeping busy with your sweetie pie. Your getting closer each day :) I cant wait for you and your day either. I know your man luv's now, but lordy when he see's the new you look out HE WILL NOTICE :)  I will diffenatley keep you in my prayers.  This place does ROCK id be so lost and still hooked without it. Priceless things that come free is heaven sent. You sound determined and that fuels me to keep on truckin.  let me know how your doing and take care of yourself .... TTYL    Craig

[Fritz67]

OMG Craig, you ain't right (that's a Southern thing).  You have got me crackin' up right now!  It's got to be 8:00 your time right now so another night ahead of you.  I hope you do okay.  I was a mess at work today with the hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold.  My friend asked me how many times I was going to take my little blue sweater off just to put it right on.  I threw her the "bite me" glare and she left me alone.  I got stuck in that boring a$$ con call and then I blew out of there and headed up the highway in my car with the sunroof open blaring a little Tool.  Picked up a little Chinese food and back to work.  

I feel good this evening and have been very strict on my schedule, I am having symptoms for sure but nothing terrible. I'm functioning and still taking less then I did 3 days ago.  I truly feel I was taking more than 10 a day now that I am really watching myself b/c it just seems I'm eating so much less.  I used to just eat them when I felt like it and now that I'm watching myself and counting ever 1/2 of a pill I take, I'm shocked how few I take now.  But hey, it's less either way even though I'm still taking 8, seems like a lot but in a few days, it will be 7, then 6, then 5, then well... If you are good at math, you can figure out the rest.  I can't wait to post I DID IT, I'M OFF OF THOSE SUNSAB*TCHES!!!  I can't wait for that day and I have it on my calendar.  I want to be able to go out of town without "scoring" ahead of time so I don't have a problem when I'm gone.  And yea, I can totally relate to how much money goes out.  Sad thing is, I had the money, still do.  I could buy a **** load from my dealer right now if I wanted to but I wn't. I have enough to taper through my plan and that's it.  I am only talking to her also because she has what I need.  She does have 2 cute kids but... NO reason to stay in touch.  The hard part is going to be when she says she is getting some and do I want to buy.  No, no, no.

So my boys are with their dad this weekend, it's his "time".  My sweetheart and I are going to do something really romantic.  PUT BACKERBOARD UP IN THE SHOWER!  Yeah, I know.  Fun.  I hope he doesn't notice my mood change.  Hard to focus right now and pay attention.  So I will be taking direction and hope I don't cut myself.  I do feel agitated and have that anxiety which is so weird.  I never get anxious, even before I started taking the pills.  To feel this strange feeling in my chest and feeling I want to move around and not sit still is odd and confusing.  He is very laid back and calm so he will notice something.  I will have what I call "jimmy leg" tonight when I sleep for sure.  Most call it RLS but I call it "jimmy leg" and it's horrible.  I had it last night from 3 to 5 a.m this morning so I just got up and took a shower.  I was doing the blankie off and on ****.  He is such a light sleeper I can't even get up to use the bathroom without hearing "you ok sugar?"  He feels/hears everything.  So, will be an interesting weekend.  Pray for me.  b/c I might cut back another dose before Sunday.

wow I talk alot.  Hope you are doing okay.  I've read so much good stuff on this forum over the past few days and I KNOW for a fact this is what's given me the guts to do this or admit it or start or WTFE... I just know I've gotten the push to do this from everyone here.  I feel so good about being able to write and purge my feelings and know I can get feedback without being judged.  It's very cool.  I want so badly to be a "taper" success story.  I really do...  Some can't do it b/c of the temptation.  I WILL DO IT!!!  So move outta my way, you might get hurt.

Take care and good luck with getting through the night.  Will check in on you tomorrow.  
  

[ToWonderWhat]

Very good to hear u opted out of the sub thing. I think we all thought about it at 1 time or another. Save your money for a rainy day or for when u get through this and splurge a lil on mommy  dearest. It sure will be nice to get out of the cycle of any money saved is an extra pill in the bottle. Man the money i spent is crazy.You know ive never went to the doctors to ever get my pills other then goin to a dentist way back... back then 1 pill would do me good. Ive always bought from freinds/dealers FREINDELERS lol, people who id never be freinds with had they not had my chit. Sorry works buggin you, but pretty much anywhere we'd be bummin right now. Id say u should maybe set a couple days aside when u jump so u wont have to worry to much about those "user trigger" co-workers. your gonna want to pamper yourself if ya can. Im glad im doing this at home ct, i dont think id be able to work all day long. Cant focus to well, cant sit still for to long but dont wanna get up either lol. Emotion's come in wave's 1 min mad and next min crying and sad . hot and cold, blanky on then blanky off . Learned i could pick up my blanket with my feet and toes while not gettin up off the couch lol. Good idea to start eating good and get the vitamins and supp's in ya to help cushion the fall. You should see my kitchen table from where ive been stocking up, its insane. But whenever i heard someone recomend something i went out and got it. No way i can take everything i have lol. Im just tryin to keep it simple these 1st few days or so. Vitamins and V8nfusion and foods easy on the tummy. Oh and good towlet paper none of that ruff chit lol... Speakin of ummmm yeaah  gotta gooooooooooo hehehe TTYL .... Craig

[Fritz67]

Hey Craig:
I am NOT going on the sub, I promise you.  I liked what he had to hear in one sense, he validated a few things but he also confirmed that is not what I want to do.  I guess aside of the money it will cost that I can find other uses for (home improvements), I'd be on ANOTHER drug which is what I want to avoid.  I'd be a slave to something else and I'm done doing that for a long time.  Until I am in my 90's or something and need bladder control med or something "necessary" like that.  

Got the not sleeping is a killer.  Getting the runs is a killer, sweating/freezing is a killer, agitation is a killer.  So fun to jam them all together!!  I'm doing well so far today and not watching the clock as much as I thought.  First conf. call of the day got cancelled and the 2nd starts a noon, a real snoozer.  It's about the stimulus Obama is passing and it's really affecting us!  Not sure how our company will handle it but the conf. calls are horrible. I am doodling about groceries I need to buy, stuff I need to do/fix this weekend, etc.  Ugh.  My attention span is non-existent as it is so this is borderline torture.  And everyone one on these calls are "wedge a$$es" so no one laughs.  Not sure if you know the term but it's a person who is so uptight they walk with their butt cheeks clinched together.  People like that are "using triggers" for me.  They get more interesting to me when I'm high.  But getting high doesn't happen anymore.  Oh boy...  

I envy you are 3 days into it, I"m a chicken sh*t and need to try this first.  One post told me I may get to the place where I just toss the pills out after doing the taper for a bit but god, I'm just not ready.  Yep, the fear is keeping me from just doing it!  

For someone who is w/d-ing, you have your humor still.  Impressive.  Take care and chat soon!  thanks for the post.  ; - )

[ToWonderWhat]

Fritzzzzzzy ......Just thinkin bout u lol ..... Day 3 and hanging. Glad you talked to a clinic about the anxiety thing it really helps the more you hear it. Yeah its sooo hard at times to be commited to work and the everyday task's when were feeling like this. Like you said its a blessing as well. I know on the days we dont have things todo its important to find something to keep us occupied and not watching the freakin clock lol. Im so glad to hear you found some optomism for that is very key for us. Stick to your taper and meet your goals. PLEASE do not get on the subs. That would worry me with you cause the anxiety that fears you most, would be to off the charts with that crapola. Im at the 3rd day of CT and i have the same withdrawls that i had when i tried to taper so im hoping withing a few days it'll subside. Sleep and the nights are tuffest for me. My body might be asleep but it feels my mind is running a mile a min. if i open my eye's so much as a peep the toss-n-turnin starts. very aggrevating, but i know its part of the process. Its kinda like you have a tooth ache but your afraid togo to the dentist cause we fear the pain so we try everything to help before resorting to seeing him. but sooner or later we have togo and we may be in some more pain, but hey we were dealing with pain to begin with. Afterwords we might be a little sore for a few days but my god it feels much better. then we tell ourself's sheesh that wasnt as bad as i thought it was gonna be, i suffered longer then i needed to and had myself all worked up for nuffin, man i shoulda went sooner lol. .... keep playing tricks on yourself its good for ya. :)   .... stay in touch and keep posting it helps stay the course. ...... much luv Craig