Feeling Alone

[Pooters920]

Hey all, just hit the morning of day 5 and aside from feeling MUCH better physically from withdrawl symtoms, I am finding it harder and harder to deal with mentally. I had been taking basically any pain killers i could get my hands on for about 3 yrs just to escape everyday stress until i found myself taking 20-25 vics/perks a day. I was also doing a great job of keeping it from everyone including my wife. After almost losing her I decided to get help and as much as her and my friends try to support me, I cant help feeling like they are looking at me differently and not understanding that I wasnt trying to hurt anyone. Although it was so bad for a while I got to a point where I didnt care about anything/anyone but getting drugs and slipping away. I know she feels betrayed and ashamed of me and when I try and talk to her about it she looks at me like I am a stranger. I guess my question is what can I do or say to help them all understand that i am serious about kicking this and getting back to the person I was before? Without them understanding what i am going through i feel like  I am doing this alone and I dont trust myself or like myself enough right now to do this alone!

[sportbikerguy]

You know, people will want to think what they want to think, no matter what you do.  The unfortunate part is that they don't understand how it feels, I know you do.   It really takes time in the trust that was lost.  For me, if someone doesn't believe me in my actions, then they really don't have a clue and it's not to me to prove them otherwise.  I know you weren’t trying to hurt anyone, it's the little chemicals that take over your everyday functions that make you behave differently.  I also did a pretty good job of hiding the drugs, but I also had this great feeling of guilt.  I cannot count the number of times I made excuses to get meds.

Sounds like you've made great progress, congrats on that.  People do form their own opinions and sometimes no matter what you say will change their minds, it only takes time.  There is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed, there are hundreds, if not thousands of people going through what you're going through now and it does get easier.

Trust me, you're not alone.  This website has been part of my success.  I can be honest here, share my feelings and hear from people going through the same thing as you are.   If you have access to a Chemical Dependency Counselor, I'd recommend that -- it's very confidential and they do understand, just be very honest with them.  You can be honest here, it's all anonymous.

I will have to disagree with VonB just a tad, and probably just because I'm a stubborn man (no disrespect VonB, seriously).  It was said that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and I disagree with that slightly, as we all have choices in our lives and for a good portion of people we do take different paths.  Don't give yourself an excuse to use, just because you've done it before.

It's very easy for someone to judge someone else who has not been in their shoes.  You'll be strong, you have a whole life to look forward to, you can do it, you've made it this far, which was probably the worst for withdrawals.   I don't know you at all, but I respect that you would post here to share your feelings, that shows initiative that you are going to make yourself a better person.  Take care of yourself first, the trust and friendships will develop in time.  As they see the positive changes in your life, they will think much differently of you, guaranteed.

Mark

[VonB]

My Husband is in recovery and what I can tell you is that because he let me down so many times I didn't trust anything he said.  Here is how it works ... the best predicter of future behavior is past behavior.  The only way to earn someones trust again is one day at a time whilst making a new history .... that takes alot of time.  with my Husand ... the first month I looked at him and checked his eyes everytime I saw him ... ( he went to 90 meetings in 90 days ) one month turned into two..... then six and after about a year I saw he was serious.... it has now been 15 years and he still goes to at least one meeting a week.  You see he made a NEW history ...one that showed he could be trusted!! Thanks the Key...you have to be an open book and be willing to be tested if she doesnt believe you and come up clean!!... and she will see you are serious ... You can do it !! Good Luck!!

[avisg]

You are not alone OK we have been in your shoes .Now you are on day five past the worst of the physical its time to look into recovery care whether it be aa/na or a therapist that knows there stuff about addiction its really important at this point you are white knuckling it doing it on your own long term you are going to  need help that is right there ..We will be here too but you are going to need more.