Please Write My Son

[Deb179]

Hi Some of you know me ( mom looking for guidence - Deb179 ) for others that don't, I will breifly try to explain the situation.
My son Lee just turned 21, he is in jail on drug sale charges..... what he did to support his now known IV drug addiction.  He has been bailed 3 x's by our family, looking for the hope...this one time just might be it, but it never was. He is right back where he started.  Thanks to many people here .....they have stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my/his life... putting my house up, to give him one more chance.  They have kept me stronger than I thought possible.  When I felt like crawling in a hole and giving up on life myself....someone here keeps pulling me out.  I don't believe I myself would be getting through this, without all the support.
My son is now in day 4 of suicide watch.  He has given up all hope.  He knows he is a drug addict, with a felony, a bad liver, he thinks he has lost everything and everyone.
I am asking if you would write him, share your stories, your sucesses, what gave you the hope, the strength, the will to go on, to live again.  All The reasons to not give up.
He doesn't have internet access, but what I would like to do, is print your letters to mail to him.  I want him to see he is not alone, and there are good people out there that have been there, and have been able to return.
I Thank All XO
PS...Something has come to mind.  I have this one picture, my ALL time favorite, which I have ripped my house apart looking for and can't find.  It was 4 years ago, at an amusement park, with my family.  I am terrified of rollercoasters, but some how, my son was able to convince me when no one else could, to take the ride with him.  His exact words to be " mom, don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you, I will protect you", with his great big loving smile.  I went.  You know how at the very top of the rollercoaster, just before "THE BIG PLUNGE", they snap your picture ??  When the ride was over and we had a chance to look at those pictures, something compelled me to buy that over priced picture.  My son & I.....his arms wrapped around me, with every bit of protection, he had, our heads together, with the BIGGEST smiles on both of our faces.  Little did I know at the time, this may be the story of our lives, the big plung, the twists and turns, the ups and downs.....but in the end....it all levels out.  Even though I can't find that picture.....it is so vivid in my mind :)
LOVE TO ALL

[PipPip1234]

Hey there Deb, so sorry to hear what you have been through but there is hope. I bet you didnt realise the significance of that time on the roller-coaster, you probably just want him in your arms to protect him & make him safe but he has to do it! Im 21 & have been on heroin/methadone twice & Id be more than happy to write to him, you let me no the address & I will write to him. Hopefully if he hears from people who understand & do genuinely care & want him to get well, it will give him faith, hope & strength :-)

[Sumanadevii]

Your son is on suicide watch due to drug use.  He is not near healthy enough emotionally to be thinking of anything but his next fix,.  He could care less that he has lost everything and everyone.  He is manipulating you into feeling sorry for him.  Don't go there.  Tell him  you put yourself here and can get yourself out of this hell.  On your own without our help,.  The only hope he has given up is that he can't get his hands on drugs right now.

Be a mother but use common sense.  The suicide watch is a play to toy with your heart.  Let him sit there,.  It is probably the safest place for him at this time..

[littlelady2010]

Hi there, I read your story last night, I wanted to post something but didn't know what to say, but I actually can't stop thinking about you and your son. I believe you made the right decision, it sounds like he isn't ready to quit, hopefully, this will make him understand what he needs to do. Jail really is the best place for him right now. I know you love him very much, and as a mother all you want to do is help him. I know you may think at some points your not making the right decision, but stick with it, you need to keep telling him you love him very much and that's why you arn't bailing him out this time. He won't understand it now, but later he will. So I would like to share my story after saying all that. Its a different situation, but I can still relate! When I was born, my dad had been addicted to everything you can imagine, in and out of jail. My mom didn't know, until she was pregnant. It was so bad that from the ages of 0-6, our house had been raided by swat teams 6times(my dad didn't even live there, he just visited often). On the first raid I was 2, when swat left, they had used needles, that were taped behind dressers, all they found about 5 drug sashes, my mom had no idea what was in the house, I could have easily died from that. My whole family tried to help my dad, but he was 16years into being an addict, they bailed him out sooo many times, and even supported his drug habbit at times just to keep him at my grandparents house, where at least he was being watched. They unknowingly made it all worse, they finally did an intervention, and said they wouldn't support him anymore unless it was to get clean. He was very angry with them, he had been suicidal for years, when they finally made the right decision, it was too late, he commited suicide 6months later, I was six years old. if they had of stopped feeding his addiction earlier, it might have saved him. I am not angry with my family, they were so confused on what to do to help him. But they were in your situation, so please please, do not break down, do not give it, you are doing what needs to be done, this is his chance at a new start, it may take some time for him to realize it, but he will. Explain over and over again, that the reason you are doing this, is you can't bare to watch him go through this anymore, because you love him more than anything. I know you had asked for people to share success story's, I know this isn't one, i just want you to know that your decision is the right one, even if he doesn't think it is. Please take care, keep us posted.

[leeleestar1]

hello i was very intrested in your story alot of times the only way people want help is if they ready to recievce it. they feel pressured when you say your going to do this now hes 21 very young its best that the problem is fixed now so he has a chance to correct it he should start going to group meeting for people around his age who can relate so he can bulid friendships. nothing worse then not having a friend he can take up a hobby ask what he likes to do or here and there give him book or information on different events its a way of caring the best you can do is pray for him and let him know you will always be there but hes becoming a man if you hold his hand the whole time he wont kno how to do it on his own he will get better as long as you believe in him he will get better

[10356]

Hello Deb.. I have read the post that have been left on this thread and I found them to be discouraging for the question our the request you asked.. I apologize for this, It is easy for one to judge another without knowing all the facts. suicide watch is frightening for you as a mom..and I understand your desire for your son to receive help through fellow addicts..
To Debs son..
Hi my name is lesa I'm a addict I also was a iv drug user then moved on to alcohol then to pills. It has destroyed my kidney I only have one and will be facing dialysis in the future, I also have liver disease with Hep C this was all bought on by my desire for drugs, for a long time I thought the drugs were keeping me safe so I did not have to feel the pain of my past and I once thought the high was better then life its self.. But the drugs were true to form and the promise of oblivion faded as they no longer gave me what I was looking for Instead all I was doing was trying to keep my head above water and out of wd. I have given up 2 children behind drugs I have given my health to drugs I sold myself to the devil and in the end I was left with nothing inside.. drugs stole my self respect drugs stole my health my joy. drugs put distance between myself and my siblings drugs robbed me of a life that I could be proud of.. I was reduced to a shell of a person with no ambition no desires no future.. I finally went to far and like you had a od but mine did not come in the form of not breathing mine came in the form of loosing the ability to write to do simple math I did not even recognize the house I have lived in for 27 years.. I lost myself. this was so frightening so beyond what I can describe.. This is what drugs offer us a waste land.. nothingness.. it turns us into pathetic creatures that steal and lie That use people for our own gain.. I'm now clean for a lil over 2 years and I can tell you for a fact Life for me is better. I no longer feel sorry for myself I no longer hurt the ones I love I actually feel love and I no longer feel the all consuming guilt and self loathing I did while strung out.. someday you may  want a wife a family of your own but this will  not happen as long as you let the drugs run your life.. Do you remember when you were a lil kid and you would run as fast as you could and the exhilaration that came with that ? You can have that again You just have to get it in your head that if you continue on the path that you are on You will never feel this You will never feel healthy.. Feeling sorry for ourself is a part of being a addict and this gets so old.. I have learned I was worth the fight to rediscover who I was while growing up my dreams my ambitions.. they were still there but the drugs were louder then my inner voice.. Only you can face your demons Only you can make a decision on if you want to live our die. I choose life and have not regretted it. I look back to when I was active and I see how pathetic I was.. Life is a gift and it is up to us to make the most of it. feeling sorry for ourselfs is a cop out the easy road we think but in actuality it is the most difficult.. wd is what it is It passes but the damage we do does not have to be permanent.. Do you see your life forever in and out of jail ? does this bring you joy ? did it not hurt you when your sister had to call 911 and your mom had to breath life back into you ? many of us have been where you are and we have overcome our demons.. sit back and think of what you are doing to others what you are doing to yourself.. being a looser with no where to go is not what the creator had in mind for us. Find your strength find your courage and fight for yourself for you are the only one that can.. My lil brother committed suicide and the devastation he left in his wake we still feel to this day... is this what you want for your family ? is this what you want your legacy to be ? I do not believe it is. If you are dealing with emotional problems seek help for it is out there.. fight for your life for it is worth it You are worth it.. Do not follow the path of so many that have had their dreams killed just for the next fix. It is not even remotely worth it.. although we have never spoken I care if you live our die.. choose life ok. warm hugs for a fellow addict.. lesa

[Teetime4u]

All I can say is WOW!!! God Bless You!!
                                Tee!!

[tired_of_oxy]

Lesa,

Lesa: That post struck me on so many levels I can't even find the words... I think all of us can relate to what you describe - being left a shell of our real selves, being reduced to a savage existence caught in a vicious and deadly cycle. It truly does rob us of *everything* we ever were.

My story:

You'd think that losing my own mother, father and uncle to this addiction would have sent me screaming in the other direction when my doctor offered me opiates for pain. No, I thought I was different. I was "strong" enough to handle it. I didn't know at the time that all my strength was no match for what lay ahead. And what lay ahead was two long years of active addiction. I've become that "shell" of my former self. I remember thinking the same of my mom at the end of her addiction. All her vibrancy, personality, her very LIFE was gone. She was not the same mom anymore. And I cringe when I think of what I WAS. A person who had hobbies, interests and held so much potential. I was always ahead of my class in school and bought my first new car at 21. I had a great job and made great money. But I guess the horrors of my past, my awful childhood caught up with me and I was an addict waiting to happen. Enter oxycontin. That drug cured my depression and anxiety (so I thought) it made me feel on top of the world. On it I could do anything. But the drug LIES. Everything I thought it gave me it took away and SO MUCH MORE. It screwed my head up far worse then any depression I ever had could have. The pills rule my life. My whole life revolves around them and I've done shameful things for the drug. I have gone ct two times and got through that physical hell but the mental stuff got me. I failed to seek aftercare. NA meetings, a counsellor - putting as much into my recovery as I did my addiction and I would have been well on my way but once again I thought I was "strong" and could beat it myself. That notion sent me back into it and another year long run where I REALLY deteriorated. I've tried methadone, suboxone and now, have finally realized that the only way back to me is THROUGH it. I have to detox again but this time WORK A RECOVERY PROGRAM. It took me 2 years and God knows how much suffering to come to this point. I had to learn the hard way..seems its the only way that I ever learn. But I have and now I have to endure it over again and dammit I don't care if I have to LIVE at NA meetings, NEVER AGAIN will I have to live like this. Using will no longer be an option period. Pretty tough talk huh? Yeah I'm strong remember? But not stupid. I KNOW NOW I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE. Neither can you. Get into recovery and WORK IT!!! You don't have to live like this, you deserve so much more out of life. Refuse to be another casualty of this drug. Like Lesa said - Choose LIFE!!

[Richjess2226]

Hi, I have sent you a message.

[Deb179]

I Agree With Tee ... WOW....I have no words, Thank You doesn't seem to be enough,  You took My Breath Away.  I will be sure to print and mail both letters to Lee ( my son ), such painful stories yet so much encouragement.  You may have done things in the past that you are not proud of......but......You are now makeing up for it in the present.  How many lives have you saved with your unselfishness ???
BOTH of you BE PROUD...HEAD HIGH....NEVER GIVE UP & STAY STRONG

GOD BLESS YOU BOTH !!!!
Deb

[Teetime4u]

That is so true even though you suffered through your addictions, yet you fought it and have regained your lives back. And now you are using your expirences to help people who are battling their own demon. And you are also helping people to understand addiction that are on the outside looking in. God Bless!!!