Please help me, I have no where to turn. Coming off meth and have complex PTSD

[modrnmyth30stm]

I have complex ptsd and because of trying to come off meth; my boyfriend keeps coming up with scenerios that i don't remember. (He's also a bit abusive and STONGLY addicted. More so than I!) So I don't know if he is gaslighting or not. I see my therapist for the first time on this upcoming tuesday.
I have become suicidally depressed, and have cut myself a few times. My boyfriend just dramatizes it and makes me feel worse.
I am on klonopin and Celexa for it, is there something better that I sould be on?

[ImDONENoMore]

You sound like a kind and compassionate woman.  I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

I just wanted to tell you that you do belong somewhere.  Here.  And the members here are wonderful and there is always someone here to talk to.  Please don't keep your feelings inside and please continue to reach out.  There are a lot of wonderful people in the world and they will reach back.

My prayers are with you.  And I'm sorry about your Dad.  I lost mine 12 years ago and I understand.  Just keep talking it out.  Please.  Hugs to you. :)

[SLadylani]

I'm glad you're hanging in there. And I'm very proud of you for calling that Hotline when any urges come up. I've called hotlines before, and I know what courage it takes. But I do remember the people on the other side of the phone are so friendly and I always felt better after talking to them. I had the same thing with cutting. I started at about 14 and did so up until 18 or so then stopped. All of a sudden when I was 22 an isolated incident came up and I just had this strong urge to cut. For me I did it because I felt I had no control over my life, so I needed to control something, and if I could put a mark on my body, that was control. I am sorry to hear about your father. I work in Hospice so I know how hard death can be. But I'm glad you still can talk to him. That's actually how I am able to work in Hospice, because even after death I can have an on-going relationship with my patients, i.e, I can still talk to them if I need to or if I feel sad. It helps. Anyway, I'm glad you get to see your therapist, I'll be sending good wishes your way on Tuesday, just as I have since your post. Things do get better, I swear I've been right where you are.

Sara

[modrnmyth30stm]

I am hanging in there. My father pasted away 7 years ago and I go outside and talk to him a lot. But lately because of my complex PTSD, I feel like he just passed away yesterday and I need him.
I have been calling the National Suicide Prevention hotline whenever I have felt like cutting myself. And that really helps. I am also looking at moving out at the begining of the next month, cause he isn't helping anything. Iam already dealing with so many other things on top of the meth problem that I cannot survive living with him anymore.
I see my therapist on Tuesday. I am hoping that she will be able to help me.
I used to cut when I was 14, and I was shocked a few weeks ago that my depression had gotten THAT bad again and that I started cutting. Sometimes I have hard time, (because of how I was raised and how my life has been), believing that I am worth anything. Or even good at all. I just want to belong somewhere. And have a place I feel safe enough to call home again.
Thank you for checking on me :) It helps to know someone heard me :)

Jennifer

[SLadylani]

Hey, I just wanted to see how you were doing?

Sara RN