Alright, so I'm going to give you my huge list of drugs I've done over the years and let's see what you guys come out with, do I have permanent damage that needs medicating? Or if I wait it out, will my brain heal, body heal, etc.
Smoked cigarettes off and on from age 12 to age 24, the amount was increased over time and up to a pack and a half a day.
Dextromethoraphran Hydrobromide Aka DXM 300-600mg daily for a year or more, can't remember at age.. 19-20
20-23 I used Poppy Pod Tea, gradually increasing dosages all the way up to 18 LARGE poppy pods a day, or as they were called, MAMMOTH poppy pods, cracked up, grinded to a fine powder and steeped, then consumed, 3 time a day, never more than 6 at a time.
Since I quit them at the end of August of 2009 I have also quit smoking cigarettes (february), but before I quit smoking cigarettes I started smoking Marijuana in November of 2009, I quit that about 2 months ago, As with all the other drugs, it was daily habitual use. Anyway, I'm now experiencing frequent anxiety attacks after eating, or randomly, generally anything that increases my metabolism too much on the WRONG day, really really really sets me off, The whole, I think I'm dying, I rush myself to the Clinic or the ER, and of course I have no money to pay for any of these visits, it's getting ridiculous, but I'm afraid because of all the drug damage I've done to myself that maybe one of these times it could be real. I get the popping in my chest, pains in my left shoulder, etc, etc, basically EVERY symptom I saw listed on the anxiety section of this website, I have, or have had.
As the weather changes these panic attacks are becoming more frequent, I'm almost considering the Ativan I've been offered MULTIPLE TIMES. I took it when the panic attacks were beyond ridiculous, but anyway, I think I really need to get this under control, because if I'm not dying, I need stop worrying that I'm dying and get on with my life.
Are these anxiety attacks a part of a longterm withdrawal process of opiates and nicotine? Or was I predisposed to anxiety in the first place? hence the cravings for nicotine and disascoiative/depresants in the first place? I need to figure this out, because I DO have extreme willpower, I have quit all of these drugs cold turkey and on my own, no help from doctors or family, but I need to know if this **** is going to subside at some point, I realize it's only been a year, but ****, it's hard, anxiety attacks are SCARY AS HELL, and frequent, it's gotta be unhealthy to have them in the first place. I NEVER have experienced anxiety attacks in my entire life, unless they were in a situation that would have them be relevant. Help me figure this out, and if I DO get on a benzodiazapine, and do use them extremely respectfully, am I going to just end up with longterm anxiety attacks after I quit those too? or am I just damaging my brain again? SO MANY QUESTIONS, and I Can't get any straight answers. Do we really know nothing about anxiety and how the brain triggers them? or what physical symptoms trigger them? Am I expecting too much too soon? I realize that I did a LOT of drugs, for a LONG time, and I realize I did a LOT of opium, more dope than a heroin addict could afford to shove into his veins, in fact, to get it clear of HOW powerful my dosing was, I gave one dose to an ex heroin addict that was then a severe pill abuser, and it knocked them out on the damn toilet. and I gave them HALF of one of my doses HALF, and I was taking 3 of these doses a day. FOR YEARS, ugh. the past year though I have been on a health diet that is beyond extreme, vegan+fish, vitamins, minerals, stuff that would amp you up in the first place, I have since just added turkey to my diet, I'm hoping the L-triptophans help a bit, threw down some 5-HTP (natural anti-depressant) and they have at least been able to let me know, oh okay, you're having an anxiety attack now, you should do some controlled breathing, get into a cool atmosphere, but I don't want to have to rely on taking another med. Ya know? I want to be free and clear, I want to just be able to EAT FOOD, DRINK WATER and live a normal life. I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. so..... let me know guys. I'd really really really really really appreciate any help that you can afford to give me, I've had months to think this stuff over and I guess the turkey is doing wonder's if I'm able to focus all my attention this long on writing this all out for the world to see, but it needs to get done, I need help, and I need some good advice from someone smarter than me. Thanks.