Reality setting in

[catlover8]

I am feeling so sad and depressed. I haven't even hit my detox date yet, but I feel like the reality of it all has just set in. I was so positive this weekend, and I was looking forward to my new life when all is said and done, and I am clean. Then, I started really thinking about everything today. This was my last weekend with the pills. My detox date is intching closer. Will being off the pills change me? Will I stop loving the people I love? Did the pills give me the allusion of loving them, but sober I won't love them anymore? It sounds crazy, but I keep asking myself these questions. I do not want my life to change in that way. I have good people in my life. I keep specifically being scared that I will turn on my best friend. The one person that is being there for me. Every since we've been this close, I have been on pills 24/7, so I am questioning that my positive feeling for him are real. I have to keep repeating in my head that I need to do this for so many reasons. My mom has had cancer for about a year and a half. She has to endure yet another surgery to replace her jay after radiation ruined it. I haven't been able to be there for her because my feelings have been taken away by these pills. Will I still be able to hang out with my friends and have fun even without the pills or will I just be miserable and want to cut everyone out of my life? Like I said, the one person I am worried about is the person I am closest with. My best friend. He would lay his life down for me. He is trying to protect me through all of this and hold my hand as I walk into the hardest fight I have ever had. I do not want to turn on him because I end up being some sory of lonely being that can show no happiness without pills. For me, there is not choice. I will never do the pills again. It is not a matter of thinking I am going to stay on them. I simply will not. But I don't want to lose him. We have based out friendship on hanging at his house and watching moveis. Will that end because I will want to go out more and experience other things????? This sounds so werid, but it is what is on my mind.

[catlover8]

He is definitely the best kind of friend to have. The most supportive and sober person in my life. He would do anything to help me get off the pills. He hates it more than I do at this point. I don't know why I worry so much about this. I just worry that he won't like me as much when I am sober cause maybe I will want to do different things. I talked to him about it. He said he has been there before when I have quit, and personally, he likes me better and he is really excited about what I am doing. I don't think anyone has ever loved me so much. It is like this person loves me and cares for me so much that he would do anything just to help me in this endeavor when it really does not effect his life. He just cares that much.

[sweatinit]

you'll be ok. I can almost guess that you'll end up being better friends. That is happening in my life. Keep posting...

Calamity...thanks for the joournal tip from michael777. that was so true and amazing!

[Tab57]

First of all congratulations on your decision to stop the pills. I understand your concern about your realationship with your friends and especially your best friend. When people find out that you are goin to get clean they will love you more than ever before. The only exception may be any "friends" where the friendship was based on doing drugs.If you had any fi the latter then you really don't need to continue that type of friendship since it will only lead you to be tempted by drugs once again.

I had a clsoe friend of mine call me and confess his addcition nearly three weeeks ago. I have been very supportive of him as I knew that something was wrong. He has impressed apon me that he wants to stay clean. All that this has done is strengthed our friendship. I wll hold him accountable with tough love when needed and just being there for him in other cases. We stay intouch more than ever as he fights the good fight every day and I knwo that he needs the support.

Please let me know if you ahve any other questions or if I can help you in any way. Focus on the promise of the future and not your past.






I am feeling so sad and depressed. I haven't even hit my detox date yet, but I feel like the reality of it all has just set in. I was so positive this weekend, and I was looking forward to my new life when all is said and done, and I am clean. Then, I started really thinking about everything today. This was my last weekend with the pills. My detox date is intching closer. Will being off the pills change me? Will I stop loving the people I love? Did the pills give me the allusion of loving them, but sober I won't love them anymore? It sounds crazy, but I keep asking myself these questions. I do not want my life to change in that way. I have good people in my life. I keep specifically being scared that I will turn on my best friend. The one person that is being there for me. Every since we've been this close, I have been on pills 24/7, so I am questioning that my positive feeling for him are real. I have to keep repeating in my head that I need to do this for so many reasons. My mom has had cancer for about a year and a half. She has to endure yet another surgery to replace her jay after radiation ruined it. I haven't been able to be there for her because my feelings have been taken away by these pills. Will I still be able to hang out with my friends and have fun even without the pills or will I just be miserable and want to cut everyone out of my life? Like I said, the one person I am worried about is the person I am closest with. My best friend. He would lay his life down for me. He is trying to protect me through all of this and hold my hand as I walk into the hardest fight I have ever had. I do not want to turn on him because I end up being some sory of lonely being that can show no happiness without pills. For me, there is not choice. I will never do the pills again. It is not a matter of thinking I am going to stay on them. I simply will not. But I don't want to lose him. We have based out friendship on hanging at his house and watching moveis. Will that end because I will want to go out more and experience other things????? This sounds so werid, but it is what is on my mind.

[cookiechew]

he kid all your feelings are going to amplify -- lots of foolish thoughts-- you will be fine-- get the aminos and hot baths-- eat lots - make yourself-- just think about how good you feel getting rid of the bully pusher and all the $$$ you are saving--- time is on your side -- don't beat yourself up -- all the loved ones will be all the better-- you have to remember that you are sick--- and on your way for the better-- you will make it -- we are proud of your strenght    -
Cookiechew

[freebird227]

Bless you!!! Try to keep in mind why you are quiting. Write a list. Keep it with you so when denial and fear shows its ugly head you will have your reasons on paper.. The grieving process is truely a part of the process, but grief is such a strong emotion it will cause you to pick up again if you are not mindful. Try to view the grief as the enemy and try not to feed it.
Keep posting your feelings and questions on site and get the support you need.You and your friend could use a BUZZ word, thats when you have really had enough support and don't want to hear it and find yourself getting angry...Use your buzz word and your friends committment is at that point they end the conversation and gest hang out with you quietly.
Stay as busy as your body will let you and if you pray....Pray. If you don't then try some time to listen to some calming music, burn some conforting candles, don't keep the lights too bright...........warm baths......................Good luck

[bandjusa]

if anything u will love people more when u r off the dope.... when i was on heroin i stopped caring about people and what they thought  or felt when i got clean i realized it and it was like a giant wave of emotions fell out of me i wanted to tell everyone in my life how much i cared for them....

[Calamity2]

Oh funny you should post"the reality"   I was just talking about a post that someone sent me in the beggining of my wds. It helped me. Please use search box to search for Michael777 then read journal entry The Reality.  
When we are getting clean our little addict minds play games.  Or could be a lower power at work. Who knows!?  But resist all the negative tapes you keep running through your mind. Change them to positive thoughts. you will be you and that is who your real friends and family love.  Dont believe you could ever be better because you are addicted to opiates  it's a LIE