Really hard to stop

[Kaneo]

I'm not real sure where I should start,the begining I would guess. I am 33 male with 2 kids and one on the way.
I hurt my back at work and ignored it,filed it to my getting a little older. I then went to another job and lifting was a killer,so I went to my doctor and he gave me some darvocet I guess he forgot to add in my weight of 230lbs because the amount he perscribed was a joke and I took a few extra to say the least. At this point I hated taking anything,I would'nt even take a asprin untill these pills.
Well I took these untill I seen him again and explained how they did'nt work and we should try something else,he then gave me some non narcotic pill and few different kinds over say 6 months.
I then explained I had a old football injury ( broke my tibula & fibula ) and it hurt sometimes & that these pills are not working.
A friend gave me a vicodin or 5 :) and I took them and it seemed to work and even felt pertty good. So next time at the doc he gives me .5  90 count 30 days worth.
After like 2 months the .5 was'nt working like they once were,so I tell the doc and he makes the .5 now 7.5  Yep these were the ticket,then after a few more months he gave me a 30 supply of .5 percocet which even still to the present he will only give me this once every two months. I've also been on (zoloft) anti-depressions for about 10 years first I was on celexa. Now it's 150 mg of zoloft which I take the generic ( Sertraline )

All of that was about 3 years ago.
Now for the past 6-8 months I've been taking my allowed dose and more that I have aquired 90 count percs and 100 somas a month.
A re-cap   I get my 7.5 vics 120 count, .5  percs 30 count , 7.5 percs 90 count and .5 soma 100 count also my 150 mg of zoloft a day. All of these are normally gone in a month.


I guess the best way to say it is,I'm scared and for me to say that it takes alot.
I just want to go back to what I called dealing with the pain or filing it to getting older days.
It seems to be one of the olny things on my mind at times, for example oh no I only have x amount left I better start talking to people or counting the days to see how many I can take without running out or getting signs of detoxing because of not taking enough for my body.
Just wondering if anyone has been in my similar situation and how they were able to break the cycle and get on the road to being sober/clean.
I have to get off of these and get better for myself and my family.
Thanks in advance for any advice or comments,feel free to be mean,laugh or anything else I know what I have let myself get into is just crazy and from what I have read on here so far,these/you people seem to know how I feel or have been going threw some of the same.
Again thanks in advance,      Chris

[wantitbad54]

I just want you to know my cousin died 5 yrs ago and my best friend overdosed, and I was the one to find her. They both had somas amongst other drugs in thier systems. Be

careful with those somas.Just like our disease, they are very cunning.
Cathy

[OIFMc09]

I just want to add one thing.  You said you do a ton of heavy lifting all day long at work right?  Have you thought of a career change, because like you said it doesn't get any easier the older you get.  I've faced grueling days of work myself, and had legitimate reasons to pop a pill.  Either way you're probably in deep enough to where you're like most of the rest of us and your mind is forever changed.  Once that happens we are all practically lumped in to the same category whether you got here with the most honest intentions or you started simply because you always had addictive tendencies and were drawn to the pills because you wanted to get high - which was basically the case with me.  Opiates are a ***** man, and a lot of people say that just getting clean is the easiest part, it's staying sober that is the real challenge.  I agree, but there is certainly nothing easy about the getting clean part.  My longest stretch of clean time in the 7 years I've been f***ing around with pills was 1 year.  And I swear to you not one day during that year stretch went by where I didn't think about a pill...even if it was just for a few seconds.  So like what was said above: a counselor, NA, anything that holds you accountable is vital to success for most.  I start tomorrow with a suboxone induction, then weekly meetings with a therapist and **** tests.  I'm excited and looking forward to it.  You'll find your way buddy, miracles don't happen over night.  I really wish you the best of luck.  There's something about people like you that make me hate all this stuff even more, because you seem like an honest guy that for the most part became a victim.  I'm sure you haven't been an absolute angel, but a lot of us brought this hell on ourselves.

[avisg]

If you want to go off you meds  plz talk to your doctor they are the only that should be advising you on how and when to go off of what because you are on alot .one at a time most likely would be what a doctor would suggest but I would ask.

[vicki595]

Hi~  Sorry I don't know who it was...
As far as tapering,I'd personally,have a hard time with a plan for you.
You're taking so many different narcs it gets confusing...
You need to eliminate some things...like everything except the Percocet 5mg. and
work off from that one drug. That's what I would do. BUT, I think an addiction specialist is what you need. Those doctors know exactly what to do and they can give you meds to make you more comfortable in the process.  Check the phonebook to see if there's one near to you. But,stay on the Zoloft for now.
Vicki

[Kaneo]

Someone mentioned a person on here that can help with tapering?
I think I sent them a friend request lastnight but I did'nt get excepted,does anyone know anyone else that can help with tapering?
Think the name started with a P?

[taperme]

Chris-I think you should talk with your doctor about helping you get off of all of these pills. There are things that he can do to help so that you withdrawals won't be as tough. I think you need some in person support to make a plan to either taper or go cold turkey, but to be honest with all the different pills and strengths you are taking, tapering sounds very hard. And confusing. It may be easier to just go cold turkey and have a bad week. Whichever way you decide to go, keep posting and we will help out as much as we can.

[vicki595]

Chris~~  You're taking 31 pills a day,not counting the antidepressant and sleep med.
We're here when you make your decision. In the meantime,start checking out some NA meetings and go.  You don't have to be "clean" to attend but don't go "high".  :)

All the best~
Vicki

[Kaneo]

Thanks for all of the feed back,I was at work or I would have posted before this.

I think it would be best suited for me to taper vs cold turkey,I don't know that my will power will let me do that or I would'nt be smoking right now while I type this. lol
But that would be alot better then the all out withdrawls inwhich I know I would have.

I've went threw that a couple times because of over taking and mis judgeing my pills and how many were left or just having a real bad pain day and over taking.

Per day : I take 150 mg zoloft which is one and a half pill.
                        5-8   7.5 perc
                        4-6   7.5 vico
                        5      soma
                       1-2    .5  perc

That would be a ruff draft for lack of the proper words.

It would depend on the work and how much I lift in a day, Just getting out of bed makes me need 2  7.5 percs to get going.
I really am stuggling to keep typing I guess when see it for my own eyes if makes me feel even more like **** and I'm embarrassed that I even have this now problem.

To answer another question I seen,I get the perc .5 and the vico 7.5 and zoloft from the same doctor ( he also just gave me Zolpidem ) to help me sleep.

Ok I'm done for now- I'll keep you posted as to which direction I go in from now on out.
I tried taking a few less and already I've been in the BR a few times and I don't feel right.

Will write again soon, Chris

[GA Guy]

And, just for clarification...the opposite of dependence is sober and clean. The opposite of addiction is recovery. Sobriety/clean time and recovery are very different things, and it's this point that makes me come on here every day and try to make people come to that realization before they go 6 years like I did. I've had moments of sobriety and clean time over the years that stretched into months..but, it wasn't until I got into recovery that my life improved. It's not semantics to me, it's a life or death realization.

[taperme]

Congrats to you for realizing you have a problem...be it dependence or addiction. You have come to the right place. As Avisg said, you first need to decide if you want to taper or go cold turkey. There are benefits/drawbacks to both. It is a personal decision. The good news is, if I read correctly, that you are getting all or most of your meds from the same doctor. I would recommend you start with him. Be honest with him about your usage and your feelings about it. He can help you make a plan to taper or come off. There are also meds that can help with this, as well as amino acids and vitamins. The more real life support you have the easier it will be for you. Doing this alone is tough. The best thing I did was to talk to my husband and get his support. If you decide you want to taper we can help you come up with a plan. I see what you are taking per month, but if you break it down by day we may be able to better help you. Stock up on immodium, gatorade, water, and comfort foods. Some otc sleep aids would be helpful as well. I'd also suggest stocking up on Motrin, Tylenol and Excedrin Migraine for the headaches and body aches that are sure to come. Whether you go cold turkey or taper, the first week off is rough. But the thing to remember is that it gets better. You CAN do this. And you found the right place here for help. The people here are amazing and more supportive than you can imagine. If you have a question, need to vent, are having a craving, post away. Someone will respond and will have the answer or just the right words that you need to hear. Also...if what you've written is the truth, stop the guilt. There are many of us (myself included) that have found ourselves in the exact same situation. Pain stinks. And sometimes our doctors make it very easy to just pop another pill. There is life on the other side of this waiting for you and I dare say that nothing you do for yourself will make you prouder than kicking this problem. Please keep posting and let us know what you decide to do. Good luck!

[vicki595]

Okay..Sorry Ga Guy...  I'm just not familiar with your rule book of word usage and application. I am familiar with "steps". But,not everyone is...Not everyone knows to admit their an addict FIRST and go from there...that's all I'm saying.
Now,this man has stated he's an adict...let's help,shall we?
Obviously it's a worry or he wouldn't be here...

V.

[GA Guy]

Now, back to the original question...knowing that you're an addict means that you're using the medication to push back feelings. It's a big step to admit your addiction. It took me several years. So, now you need to rid yourself of the dependency through a detox and fight the addiction through aftercare. Do you have a preference between tapering or cold turkey? I always had to cold turkey because tapering was just too much. I suggest reading through the old posts and come up with a detox plan. After getting the drugs out of your system..get into aftercare of some sort. Many people here go to 12 step programs like AA or NA, but you can get support through an addiction counselor or a therapist..or a group therapy situation.

[vicki595]

...the poster said he wanted to be clean and sober. What more is there to say??
He's asking for help... I for ONE am  trying to offer that in the kindest,most supportive way with sincerity.

V.

[GA Guy]

Proper word use? Wow. Look, it's not my place to tell someone they're an addict. It's theirs. Kaneo did a great job of explaining his dependence, but I never heard him say he wanted to deal with addiction. Helping someone cure their dependence is an easy thing. Yes, dependence CAN be cured. Addiction cannot. The first step is to admit addiction, and from there recovery can take place. I can't suggest any course of action until I know what the problem is...and I can't know that unless I ask. Plenty of people come on here with dependency issues that want to be clean and sober. Others, like myself, are everyday drug fiends that took years to admit that they were addicts. If that's just semantics, then I'm talking on deaf ears.

[avisg]

kanoe,
what do you want to do do you want to ct or taper are you ready ? you can do it and we will help all we can ..May I ask are the the opeates coming from the same doctor i am surpised a doctor is giving you .5  percs 30 count , 7.5 percs 90 count both of them

[avisg]

I can not see where GA said anything out of place he was asking a question I think we have to remember when we are posting things dont always sounds when typed how they were said in word . plus ga was right to ask whether it was a worry about taking to much as in dependance or addiction/

[violet_rain]

I think, since you can actually still control how much you're taking.. you're not running out, you're planning on how to cut back before you do... maybe the addiction isn't that bad yet. So catch it while before things get totally out of control..

Every few days just cut back a pill or two.. wait to feel ok with that and then cut back again.. keep working down until you can drop one med and then another and then until you get down to even taking 1/2 a pill a day... it's the best way if you don't want to have withdrawls, but some people don't have the self control for it so cold turkey is the only way to go..

Although.. I would be nervous about the soma.. I've heard some things about that medication. Just do the research on how to get off that one before just stopping..

The hard part is you have pain.. and you will still have pain when you're done with this... learning to live with pain is very hard, that how most of us got into this mess to begin with. So.. just think about things you can do to limit your pain. Maybe find a good physical medicine doctor or go to physical therapy? I don't really have an answer for that one yet myself!

Best of Luck!

[vicki595]

K~~  Did you read those articles in the health pages?  

Ask questions..we're here!

Vicki xo

[Kaneo]

Yes I guess to make official,Yes I am very addicted,I'm a addict. Kinda just happened and well here I am.

[cleanmom]

Right on Vicki, proper word use is no big deal as long as he is aware of his problem and he is. He wants to be sober and clean, opposite of addiction, so it shouldnt be hard to figure out he knows of his addiction. Forgive him for not say ADDICT. He is here for help and support, lets just focus on that, shall we?

Jacky~

[vicki595]

Ga Guy~  He says he wants to be sober and clean.Sounds to me that it's the flip side to addiction and he knows he has a problem.   I'd prefer to try to help him rather than play word games or get caught up in semantics.  Wouldn't you?

Vicki

[GA Guy]

Recovery from addiction is two parts...detox and aftercare. The people here can steer you in the right direction..but the one thing I failed to see in your post is the word addiction. Do you think you're an addict?

[vicki595]

Oh Boy...You're taking waaaay too much!  And with Soma it's really dangerous;life threatening!!  You need to stop. It's hard but you're killing yourself, Sweetie.
Do this first:  Go up to the health pages and read 2 articles. #1 The Thomas Recipe and #2 an article about preparing for at home detox. Health pages are located upper right of this page;just a click away.
Then come on back with any questions...we'll help you but you need to stop now.
Talk to you soon~
Vicki