Help! Pain and fear of narcotic addiction

[helpjen]

Hey guys- By reading through this forum for hours I have learned that most of you have certainly had pain and kicked all meds. I have gotten lots of strenth by reading these posts.

I have become completely worried - more like obsessed- about my increasing usage of Vicodins 7.5/500mg 2 at a time, at least 2 times a day for a while now, then up to 6 a day.  This weekend had a "relapse" of lupus causing severe confusion and extreme migraine and leg pain.  Don't know much about lupus, but was told that was what my last blood tests were indicitive of.  My primary doc put me on high dose steroids again and they are helping.

Going to see the rheumatologist this week finally after a 3 month wait to get in.  Had to take percocets this weekend, and I see that they definately don't work as well for really bad pain as they used to so I know that I have caused a tolerance.

Just wanting to know if you guys- once you have become physically addicted to narcotics, are able to taper them off and use them responsibly and only when pain is truely out of control.

Started using too much lately d/t chronic low back pain, but mostly stress.  Is is possibly to learn to use these responsibly again after I withdraw myself completely?  I may be deluding myself, but what I would like to do is get my tolerance back down again, so that the least amount needed would work again.  Also need to be able to deal with stress without the "up" of the narcs.

According to my neurologist I will have these relapses on and off througout my life, but when caught early will not cause permanet damage.  Waited too long to say anything this time until I got confused because I thought the symptoms may be withdrawal related.  And am so ashamed of my overuse.  
My doc thinks the lupus inflammed by brain tissue.  And to be truthful we never talked about how much pain medicine I am using.  He doesn't seem concerned with this at all and told me it was OK to use if I am having real pain.

This is my 4th episode in the last 4 months, of the pain in my legs and severe confusion.  I didn't even want to tell my husband because I was ashamed that the confusion may be withdrawals dropping down from 6 vics a day to 4 a day.

Now I'm back at square one, due to the terrible pain this weekend, I used percocets for 3 days.  The steroids are kicking in now and the pain is much better.  I just want to be successful at this and stop my usage before it gets out of control.  Is it really possible to use them responsibly after identifying you have a problem?

I am really depressed and anxious (anxiety probably increased d/t the steroids I'm on).  I want to get this under control so I can stop being so obsesive and worried all the time about being possibly addicted, but certainly  have increased my tolerance, so that previous doses of meds that used to work now barely touch it.

Any advice would help.  Scared

[worried878]

I am also a chronic pain patient...and for me...No i could not go back and use responsibly after i was addicted..this just gets worse and u r smart to worry now while ur dose is still low..but it will grow and grow due to tolerence..in 10 years who knows how much u will have to take...scary...keep posting

[nikki1975]

I am in a very similar boat. Have been there before on low dose and quit 2 times for a long period using nonopiod drugs but somehow always ended up again to lortabs.
I am in the medical field and i know when we get to very high doses of opiods and they don't touch our pain our tolerence, physical dipendence, and abuse is there. we are trapped and stuck...but not forever.

Make your mind up to go off of opiods and when its over and we make it despite the pain remember that YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK AS A NORMAL OPIOD NAIVE person. your receptors quickly get addapted to the drug and in a very short time if you reintroduce them you will be where you are now and even higher. The receptors can't wait to be fed what they always had and they will crave it for a very long time.

I know its PAINFULL to think that we can't touch them but if we think we can use them moderately we are kidding ourselves. This was my thinking when i started again on lortabs for the third time. Now i am 8-10 a day and i never ever have been here before.

We have to start thinking healthy and if we are hurting still look for solution but without opiod therapy. I know it can be done we just have to be very strong and determined.

I hope i didn't dissapoint you with my answer but just read my post i wrote 15 mins ago i am also in a bad spot

Good luck
take care