my fiance's hydro addiction

[atear01]

My fiance of 5 yrs is addicted to hydrocodone. He has a history of kidney stones.  He was given it by his dr to manage his pain in the begining.  He likes the way it makes him feel and now the only way he function is if he has some to take.  His mom used to send him her rx of 90 per month for 3 months straight and he would blow right thru them.  He now goes from hospital to hospital so that he always has some sort of pain medicine.  He has been to about 6 hospitals in our area.  He also have his mom's rx for nerve pills and somas to take when he doesn't have hydros.  2 months ago he fell out of  a wheel barrel when we were sliding down a hill and "injured" his back.  I'm not sure if it's a real injury or if it's just a new excuse to get meds since he doesn't have stones currently. Or it could be that his mind is tricking him into thinking there is a problem.  His primary dr says if he doesn't have a slipped disk or anything shown on the mri he will know for sure it's just for pill abuse. The dr and hospitals all say he needs an mri but he is unemployed and has no ins.  He can't afford it but for some reason he would rather just take pain pills.  Last Thurs he went to a hospital and they gave him 6 shots of dilauded. Which from what I understand is a lot stronger than morhpine.  He also has a court case going w/his former boss b/c he stole a large amount of money of 2 yrs to feed a coke addiction.  He got arrested in November and hasn't worked since.  He is very depressed over this and I know it has a lot to do with the pill taking since it helps numb him.  He admitted to me, his brother, and mom that he has a problem about a week ago.  We told him we would support him and be there while he is detoxing. This only lasted 3 days b/f he went to the er for more pills.  It has also gotten so bad that he has purchased hydros from drug dealers.  At this point I don't know what to do.  I love him very much and am so worried.  I want him to stop taking these but I know it is very difficult to get off of them.  He is a totally different person than I started dating b/c of this.  Also, with this depression he has gained about 80 lbs.  When he was detoxing he was vomiting, couldn't eat, and slept a lot.  I have told his regualar dr about his addiction b/c I work for him. Is it possible for me or his dr to advise the hospitals that he is an addict? I wish we could get him into a treatment center but it is very expensive and we already have a lot of money tied up b/c of his court case.  PLEASE HELP!  sorry this was so long :)

[ready2help]

Atear01:

What are you thinking??? I am positive you have been told everything that you are hearing here may times before. This may strike a chord with many because I suspect many of us have been in a situation with someone where we are in it so deep that we have zero clarity. Zero.

I think that if you sit quietly for a few minutes and read your own post back to yourself, out loud, that you may have an epiphany.

And, seriously, seek some counseling for yourself. Even if you get away from this felon-nonworking-manipulator-addict, you will repeat this with the next one if you don't resolve whatever it is you need to clear out.

Don't waste any more of your life. Let his family deal with it. You can't save him - SAVE YOURSELF!

Good luck.

[10356]

I agree with alll the above Don"t wait till he goes to jail for you to get your life together make some space for yourself and if you could step away long enough you will see what a whirlpool mess the addiction has made of his life It will suck you down with it. He is in the throes of addiction with pills being given freely. This is a no win situation if he is Hospital shopping and acting for the Drs. and the pain meds he receives, finding them on the street gives him even more availability.. He wont quit until he can"t go anymore so take care of yourself..

[j34]

I like what J friend said, do your own withdrawl. I have been in addictive relationships all my life and I'll tell you one thing somebody told me about drug addiction is it is like having sex with a gorillia it ain't over untill the gorillia says it over!!!!! Walk away while you can so this person can be UNABLED by you.From my own experience....... Drugs don't care about age, race ,religion ,creed, sexual identiy or LOVE. I am so sorry.j

[tinarose]

This may be the hardest thing you have ever had to do but you need to walk away. Have you ever heard the expression , You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink? Addiction has no boundries not even love. From what it sounds like you may have already experienced some of that. You can't save him no matter how much you love and support him. This is something he has to do on his own. who knows maybe he will wake up and realize what you mean to him and what his life means to him and get the help he needs. I wish you the best of luck!

[J_friend]

My friend, I know "love is blind" and all that stuff.  However, I find it hard to believe that you're actually considering marrying this dude who is a convicted felon, doesn't have a job, and seems to be a full-blown addict.  I mean, what in the WORLD is in this for you besides a world full of pain?  Is this the man you want to be the father of your children?  Is this the man you want by your side when a family member is sick? Do you want to constantly be in misery because you are always being let down?  The only sound advice I can give you is what I'd tell my own child:  "Leave NOW".  You have to ask yourself WHY you'd even be attracted to someone like this.  You will be SO consumed with this man's drama that you will lose yourself and forget who you even are.

I've heard it a millions times - the answer is always the same.  "He (or she) is really a wonderful person sometimes.  They have such a good heart".  Trust me, get out now, don't look back, and go through your own "withdrawal" of being without him.  

[malenurse57]

Because of the HIPPA law your hands are tied in communicating his addiction to any of the hosp. unless you are with him as a significant other as they say, however this will probably cause problems between the 2 of you or more problems. The best thing you can do for him is tell him you love him but will not live like this and it will be hard but you may need to step away and let him realize what he is threowing away. The pills lie to your body telling you that you hurt more than you really do so you need more of them for pain and around the circle again and again. Good luck and God bless