secret vicodin adiction

[sksk2009]

I believe my boyfriend of 4 years is secretly adicted to vicodin. I continuously see him taking one or I just find them randomly they are yellow watsons 1000mils. Everytime I ask him how often he takes them he brushes me off & says once in a while when "his back hurts", when I ask where he gets them from he comes up with a random person I don't know, so I can't investigate it any further. What should I do? What are some signs that could show me he is "viked out" or signs that show he could be adicted. Everytime I try asking a few questions he either makes it a joke or we end up in an arguement..I'm not naieve,however, I just don't know how to help or to know if he's adicted. Please help.

[sksk2009]

thank you so much for your advice and sharing your experiences with me. It really helped me realize what i have to do. may god bless all of you. again thank you all so very much!

[Ali1226172]

Hi sweetie! Sorry to hear about your boyfriend.  He is def using opiates and most likely has become addicted to them if he is selling as well and is "sick a lot".  I am currently getting off opiates and am an addict myself but, I have been on the other side too.  My sister is a heroin addict and her addiction hurt me sooooo bad (all the lies, the secrets, the defensiveness, the anger) that I ended up using to numb myself from the pain of it all.  She got worse and worse and ended up overdosing several times and we lost our relationship cuz she cut me out once I knew her secret.  She continued to deny and deny it even after my whole family knew and it took a near death for her to finally confess and even after that she continued to use.  Addiction is a powerful crazy disease that will destroy him and you as well if you allow it.  As the others have said you can not fix him, you can not make him want to get better, and so on.  The only thing you can do is stand strong and call him out on his bull ****, let him see what is at stake and maybe when he sees his relationship is falling apart cuz of the pills he will wake up...but, unfortunetly it might take more... the fact of the matter is that he will have to find his own bottom and you can help create the bottom by walking away and telling his parents of whatever you can do but, thats about all you can do hun...I know how painful it is and I know you feel betrayed but, as an addict and as a sister as an addict I can tell youu he has a very selfish disease and it's not fair to you but, try not to take it to heart cuz this is not him this is the the pills controlling his mind and actions...! I'm sure he wants to tell you and I'm sure he feels so guilty but, he is sick hun and he needs to realize that and he needs to be the one to get himself help.  All you can do is take care of yourself before you let his problem be yours........trust me I let me sisters addiction destroy me and subsequently became an addict myself to deal with the pain! It's a crazy messed up world and you need to walk away..thats the only way to help is to put your foot down and say its the pills or me??  Just don't be shocked when he picks the pills...it takes time to get better love this is a very powerful disease...try Naranon or alanon meetings they have helped me!

[Amaryllis1974]

Hey
Look, my boyfriend has never even had a sip of alcohol. He has never been around this kind of lifestyle, but he learned on here and by being patient for the "old Amy" to return.
If you love him, be somewhat patient, but at the same time, if it is abusive to you (the lying and sneakiness) you may want to think about leaving - it may knock some sense into him. It may not. His reaction is none of your business. It's up to him. Your only responsibility is : what are you willing to do/ put up with?
If you confront him be prepared for another fight. I fought and lied and cheated and stole. From family members, lovers and even stole xmas money from my kids!
It is a disease.
I wouldn't (personally) confront him- but that's because I know what I did in those situations.
I would mention your concern in a loving way, and give him an opportunity to come clean knowing that you love him regardless. That doesnt mean you stay around....it means you love him.
Good luck. I wish I had the answer, but it truly is a personal choice. What are you willing to put up with?

[sksk2009]

thank you amy, yeah your right... i just want him to stop.. and its really not my choice.. i can't monitor him 24/7 it just ***** when you trust someone so much and they end up doing things like this behind your back. he's never once cheated, or lied, hurt me. So when he's honest in all other things it hurts me to just let him go.. i know he needs my help.. my support.. but to be honest right now.. i dont think he could give a care what i have to say.. he has a very addictive personailty, he is highly addicted to cigarettes 5 packs a day, redlines most of the time 2-3 a day, vicodin im guesing and hoping only 2-3 a day.. secretly..,gambling...i mean whatever .. god... i don't know what to do... this is nothing of what i've been raised around..i'am not used to it.. and really honestly don't know what the right thing to do is.. how can i help him be aware of this problem without him feeling attacked?

[sksk2009]

The more and more i think about this there have been many instances that have came up in our relationship that dealt with vicodin but because its a perscribed drug i always saw it as, oh its ok, he's only going to take them just this one time. His mom's perscription will eventually run out, or his friends will end up stop giving them to him.. wrong... how he's taking 1000 mills... a few times a day.. he works at his buisness's 6 days a week from 8 am to 7 pm.. so i barley see him but saturday nights, sundays, and mabe once or twice during the week... so its easy for him to send his little friends to his buisness and do the exchange there...gosh im so appualed.. i don't know wether to lash out at him, his family, or the people involved in this. i'am sick of it all... and he just really doesnt care.. when i'am stressed out.. to the point where i go online to post for advice and support.. while he sits back in his own little world without a care..

[Amaryllis1974]

Hon,
you can't fix him. You can't make him stop. All you can do is worry about you and how you handle it and what you are willing to put up with.
Pointing fingers in peoples faces and saying 'I told you so" will not make anyone feel better. It isn't about who is right or wrong, it is about life or death. Unfortunately for most of us here, it was about US finding OUR way by hitting OUR bottom.
If you try too hard, or push the issue, he will hide more and (probably) use more. Read up on addiction and what you can do to help him. It isnt about being right. You know the answer already, but it's not up to you to "fix" him. It is between he and his maker.

I couldn't stop for anyone but myself.
I spent at times 1000 dollars a week on those pills.
I have 2 kids.
bills
partner
etc
I had to do it for me. He needs support to get off  of them, but maybe if he knows you are serious about leaving, and truly don't enable him to use with you in his life (by leaving the relationship), he will hit bottom.
It's hard, I know. I have been in both of your shoes.
Breathe.
And luck,
Amy

[sksk2009]

Yes, our finances are seperate we both live at home with our parents i'am a fulltime student trying to get my bachelors,so my parents help me out a lot. But he is well off. I understand why he gets upset, because he is defending his secret lifestyle, a few years ago he had 150 750 mg's which were perscribed to his mother.Once i found these in his car i threw them all into the dirt. He got upset... and actually picked them up..and told me they were worth money?? But how did he get a hold of her pills..it make me so angry how oblivious his family is to this, i know if i had a son i'd be able to figure it out.. his mom washes his darn clothes for god sake and this is where he stashes his everyday dosage.. which ended up falling out of his pocket on my floor a few days ago... he knows if i find out the truth about were he gets them it will be hard to continue without me stopping it. I once tried reaching out to his sister but she just hung up on me and told me its not my problem.. we broke up for three months after this period and this is when he get those "3"oxys...and i herd he was also selling during this period.. once we got back together he stopped distributing..but i'am always finding these yellow vikes either in his pocket, in my house, or he takes them not knowing i just saw him take it... which ends up in a arguement.. do i have to wait untill he's laying in a hospital bed so i can stick my finger in his sister and familys face and say i told you so? what does it take.. he smokes 5 packs of cigs a day.. this guy is a ticking time bomb...is he waiting for liver failure or a heart attack to let him know what he's doing to himself is negatively effecting him?

[dominosarah]

Anytime someone catches on to our secret we become very angry and will do whatever we have to do to protect ourselves.  Usually it means blaming others.  Until your BF is honest with himself and you i would really put off any type of marriage plans.  Are your finances seperate?  If you choose to stay in this relationship please check into some sort of aftercare.  Alanon is a wonderful program and will help.  Keep us posted        sara

[sksk2009]

Thank you all very much! And yes a does get sick eaisly and a lot more often than a normal person would. I thought it might be due to lack of nutrition but now I'm pretty sure its probably from a lack of pills. A few months ago I ran into an old friend that told me my bf had been taking pills and that he had herd he had bought 3 oxycotin from some guy, once I asked him about that we got in a arguement & he confessed that he broke them in half & took them because the community ran out of viks. I'm appauled thinking about this because I would never expect this from him. He is 25 with two really good buisness's everyone respects him and it hurts me that he's been lieing to me about this. I work in the emergency room at a local hospital and see the effects of withdrawls & overdose. I'm just confused of how all this started... A few years ago he would take one 500mg before we got intimate because he said it benefited his performance.. Now that I've opened my eyes this has been going on for many years. The night I met him at a friends house he later told me he had taken 8 viks that day..but I thought he did it as a occasional drug since he was single and younger at the time.. I feel stupid for allowing this.. And we are even currently in an arguement because I confronted him last night about it when my mom which is a nurse found a pill in my tv room..I don't even know what kind of people he is getting them from..I've not only lost trust in him due to this but this is steering me away from marriage with the man I once trusted and loved with all my heart..I feel betrayed and backstabbed.. I'm tired of confronting him and receiving false information, how can I approach him without anger and get the truth what do you guys suggest? Over dinner at a restaurant or at a more private place..thank you guys for your help god bless you all!

[Amaryllis1974]

Fog is right, before long the high wont be enough and your boy friend will move up to the next step. However, he can only quit when HE wants to. He has to hit a bottom. At least that is my experience. I had to come to terms with dying or losing everyone and everything -
I could not stop for my partner or my kids. MY KIDS!!!!! So, don't expect a miracle, but if he is an addict and you can get him to at least admit that, a first step has been successfully taken.
Much luck.
Amy

[fogmussher]

What is even more frightening is the fact that if he sees nothing wrong with this he may decide to move on up to Oxycontin when he fails to get the relief from the Vicoden. Maybe leave some information around or tune into some programs featuring pain meds on tv while hes around and see if you can open a diaglog about it. Opra had the issue on yesterday and it seems to pop up everywhere if you are alert to it. Hope he stops now before it gets to be a problem that consumes both your lives .... and It can. It usually starts innocent enough and before you know it is taking you over.

[troubleinohio]

i agree with the above response...sounds like he does indeed have a problem. Does he have a lot of mood swings? Does he "get the flu" a lot? days where he cant get any more pills and has bad pains, diarrhea, insomnia, chills etc?   If he wont admit he has a problem though, he cant get better. He has to first admit he has an addiction, AND want to get clean. If he doesnt, there is nothing you can do, sadly. THe person has to want to get clean, VERY MUCH, or it wont work.  I wish you luck, and youre welcome to post here for support as much as possible. We are here for you. HOpefully your boyfriend will break down and talk to you and be willing to seek help for himself.

[Gettingcleanagain1221]

I would say that he has a problem if he is buying them off the street and is very secretive about them. Being an addict myself, that sounds like something I would do to keep my girl out of it. I would also lash out moreas she pried.