new to all of this...

[strongenuf]

hello.  i am the wife of an addict...wow that's hard to write.  about a week ago i found a bag of misc. pain pills in my husbands posession.  when i called him out on it he at first tried to deny it, then say he only took them ocassionaly.  eventually owning up to the fact that he has a problem with them.  for some time now he has been snorting them pretty reguarly.  my inital reaction was to want to take our son and run as far away as possible.  but i DO love him, we have been togther for over 10 years and we've been through some very trying times together.  i decides to stay and try to get through this together.  so far this is day 6 of detox.  what hell this has been.  i'm not sure how aware addicts are on how their decisions affect the people that love them.  i am trying to be strong enough for all three of us but it's is very hard.  i try to sympathize with him and understanding of what he's going through.  at the same time i am trying to shield our 6 year old from all of this, putting my emotions aside so he won't suspect anything is wrong.  it's hard...the hardest thing we've every had to do.  he decided to take the cold turkey approach...he's been taking vitamins (as i found them on here) and resting as much as he can.  neither one of know what to expect..he still is feeling pretty crappy.  he called from work today saying that he feels light headed and drained.  is all of this just in his head or withdraw still going on or should i get him in to see a doctor?  he isn't sleeping very much is that part of it?  what more can i do to help him?  i would appreciate any input at this time.  i want to try to stay away from substituting one pill for another and i'm afraid that's what a doctor would want to do.

[notgoingdown]

Good for you guys!! I can only imagine what you went thru watching him go thru this. While I know that it is a walk in the park compared to what he went thru it takes some strong will and commitment to go thru it with him the way you did. I think it would be helpful if he could come here and post or even just read thru the posts with you. It could help with the mental part that will set in now and you guys should do all you can to make sure this is the only time you have to go thru this.

[strongenuf]

DAY 16.....just to let you all know--we're making it.  although everything i have read says the "white knuckle" approach is unlikley to work it seems to be going well.  most of billy's detox symptoms are gone...except the lack of sleep.  we are very grateful for all the kind words of encouragement and the suggestions we have recieved from this site.  while i, myself, can never truely understand the physical aspect of withdrawl i can say that, as a cheerleader on the sidelines, anyone brave enough to get clean diserves a HUGE cheer!!  it has been a hot walk in hell...but one that i can already see the rewards of.
so once again THANKS to all.

[jt808]

yea it def isnt in his head its hell and one of the hardest thngs he l ever have to do in his life and i kno its hard to stay with em but u are a very good strong person my girl left me and now wants to work thngs out and i just dont feel same way for her as i did i thnk mayb cause she left me whn i needed her most so dont give up on him i kno its hard and im sure if he could make thngs beter he would just b strong and hopefully ull all be ok. good luck

[malenurse57]

First of all Happy Anniversary, secondly you can both make it through this. The feeling better each day sometimes is so small at first that you really have to think about it by saying hey today he did not wake up feeling totally sick or hey I think maybe he  slept just a little more last night. Look for the very small improvements and then you will notice that they seem to be getting bigger. God Bless

[strongenuf]

to all who have commenting...thanks is not enough.  It is nice to have people who have "been there--done that".  Neither one of us really know what we're doing but I'm the kind of person that if i don't have the answer I will research it until I do.  While I realize there is no easy solution or easy answer I do feel that I have learned alot through this.  One day at a time is all either one of can do.  And for this day it is our wedding anniversary.....

[tbirds]

I think going to a dr is the best thing, Day 6 he should be doing a lot better. If he isnt he a dr can help with short time meds.

[laurel540]

i think you are very brave for staying by your husbands side. i can not say i did they same althougth the situation was a little bit different i was with a guy for three years then found out he was an addict. .. and my advice to you is to not stop helping your husband but think about yourself and your well being because althought my boyfriend got better , what it did to me emotionaly has still not been repaired. althought wwe can never understand how hard it is to stop an addiction they can never really understand what it does to the people around them , im just saying havign some one to talk to or soem one to turn to would have helped me alot

[wannabefree330]

agree with what the others have to offer.  An important thing for you to realize......you do not have to be strong enough for all three of you.  Just strong enough to get through YOUR day.  He has his set of issues to work through and deal with, and you have your own set.  Just as he cannot 'walk your path', you can't do his work for him.
When I first admitted to myself I was an addict, I decided I wouldn't hide anything from my kids (youngest at the time was 9 though).  Simply told them I was sick, and in order to get better I needed to go to meetings (just like some people take medicine for illness, the meetings were my "medicine").  Alanon has Soooo much to offer you, and many areas have classes for children held at the same time.....just a thought.

An EAP (employee assistance program) can be very helpful if he has anything like that at work.  The counselors are usually free of charge, and if he is willing, he can do a great deal of good by going.  You too can benefit, if you have it available.

[CR_ST_NA]

i agree with avis, you should find an al-anon meeting. if you're not familiar with it, it is a support system for friends and family of addicts. i feel for you, i know it is so hard to understand addictions. try to remember that addiction is a disease, and that addicts are not bad people needing to get good, we are sick people needing to get well. the only way really is to surround your self with others in recovery, ie: NA, AA, outpatient care. look in your phone book for a chemical dependency clinic in your area and some NA meetings. trying to white-knuckle it just won't work. i'm so sorry you are having to go through this, i wish us addicts could just "decide" to not to use or think about using and not hurt the ones we love, we don't do it on purpose. i'm not trying to make excuses for him, but addiction is a mother-f***er, it is cunning, baffling, and powerful. it's not your fault, and it's not his fault, it just is what it is. i think it's the only disease that comes with shame and self-loathing. i mean if he had cancer all of his loved ones would be surrounding him right now and he would be doing all that he could to stay alive. again i'm so sorry you are both suffering with this and commend you for sticking by him, but he's not the only one that needs care. take care of your self and get to an al-anon meeting if you can, it really will help and support you and you need that so much. best of luck to you both, you will be in my prayers. God Bless, christina

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Do not confuse the vitamins and supplements endorsed as just another pill switch. These can be very inportant since we generally neglect health and nutrition while in addiction. And some can help with sleep while others help overcome daytime lethargy thats pill induced. Aftercare can take many forms ..... I found my local Pastor to be invavuable...and free and intelligent with training in this discipline. But keep looking until you are comfortable. You have a great deal invested and yoy can get it all back......just might take a little work. But it sounds like your patient is ready to do some work to come back.  Best of luck ... this can be done...

[avisg]

Yes he is still in wd the worst of it will be over soon however sleep problems and depression can go on for weeks. Getting of the drugs is the first part staying clean is the very hard part .He is going to need recovery care whether it be aa/na or a therapsit something .I think it would be very good for you to look into alnon meeting you need support as well.You two can make it threw this .
avis

[refusingbondage]

Hey there - first I will commend you for sticking by him through all this. Rest assured as addicts we are very aware of how our decisions hurt our loved ones.. the problem is most of the time we don't decide to be addicts or decide to hurt our loved ones.. addiction in my mind is an illness. He knows what he's done and you finding out and calling him out on it is a definite blessing and he may have even been relieved to be caught. That beign said, on day 6 he should be very close to feeling better.  The dizziness, sickness, sleeplessness its all par for the course. Depending on how much he used, and for how long, etc., normally by day 6 you've been through the worst and begin to feel a little better each day.  If he doesnt have any medical conditions other than this withdrawal - I dont think he will need to see a doctor. He needs to just hold on and get through it.  Withdrawal can be pure he11 and a horrible experience for an addict (which is why many of use continue using for so long.. its quite painful).. You are doing all you can.  Definitely be strong with him... Dont let him feel too bad for himself and although you cannot sympathize (being a non-addict makes that impossible) try to empathize just in knowing someone you love is feeling very sick.  But it wont kill him and he will get through it.  Exercise can be extremely helpful.  Talk to him about what he is planning for aftercare - most of us can not stay clean without some kind of support or recovery program.  Whether it be NA/AA, therapy, or even this site.  I wish you the best of luck and again give you lots of kudos for sticking with him.