Should my mom press charges

[Icka]

My boyfriends morphine addiction led him to stal not only my credit card but my mothers as well. My mom filed a police repost and is pressing charges. It has been over 2 weeks since I found all this out and since then he has been trying to make things right. He went back to work and has been paying us back. But my parents what me to stay away from him. I think this is the main reason my mom is pressing charges. I don't know what his son and I would do if he went to jail for a long period of time. I Love him and want him to have a fair chance to prove that he can do this and make everything right. Any advice?

[DOA]

Paying  all  this  attention  to  him  and  his  problem  is  taking  away  from  you  and  your  children.  Dont  think  you  can  fix  him  you  CANT  !!!  He  needs  to  want  to  stop !!!  So  if  your  Mom  dont  have  him  arrested  someone  else  will  or  even  worse   he  will   die.  So  what  good  of  a  father  would  he  be  then  ??  And  what  kind  of  a  father  is  he  now,  hes  robbing  from  his  own  family .  YOUR  INABLING  HIM  BY  NOT  LETTING  HIM  HIT  BOTTOM  and  he  knows  that.  As  junkies  we  will  rob  your  wallet  then  try  to  help  you  find  it  !!!!    And  you  knowing  you  mothers  history  w/drugs  dont  you  think  she  knows    EXACTLY  WHAT  HES  DOIN  ???  We  as  drug  addicts  love  our  drugs  more  than  any  thing  else   !!!  Till  he  gets  help  i  would  let  him  go.  THIS  IS  MY  OPINION  ..    And  maybe  you  should  try  Alanon  this  will  be  a  great  help  for  you  and  your  kids.  and  its  free .  You  cant  gat  any  better  help,  these  are  people  that  have  been  where  you  are.  Good  luck  you  and  your  children  are  in  my  prayers.

[Givitup]

Icka,
This might be lame but time will tell.  Just wanted to give you some things to think about along the way.  I think you are getting it by your words "maybe I am just attracted to the situation and want to help him".  That is very typical for codependants.  We want to fix those broken winged birds.  We think if we can fix "them" then we will be okay.  Just keep an open mind to everything.  If you have trust issues now, you may have even more if he doesn't change.  I too had a lot of trust issues.  didn't even get married until I was 38 because like you, I didn't trust.  In then end, I was stolen from and lied to.   I never in a million years thought my ex would EVER do some of the things he did.  Just trying to spare you a difficult life IF you are headed down "that" road.  I truely hope you are not.   Again, just keep your eyes open.  

[Icka]

You know I take everything you all say to the heart. And I have lloked at my relationship with my boyfriend and am tryng to determine if I really love him or the idea of him like you kinda suggested. It could be like you say maybe I am just attracted to the situation and want to help him, it could also be because I am rasing his child and want to be a happy family. But even after thinking all that I disagree. Does that make sense. I know I love him. I have never been a long term relation type of person (probably due to my trust issues of shuch a crummy childhood) and I am willing to stick my neck out for this guy I know thats love..............or me being nieve agian heck I don't know I am so confused!

[Givitup]

Icka,

I just want to throw something out there.  Sometimes what we call "love" is really our own addiction.   You grew up with an addict (your mother) and it is probably why you feel such a strong attraction to your boyfriend.   It has been said regarding co-addicts or codependants "they chase the drug and we chase them".  It's like we get addicted to them.  Not sure if that makes sense. NOT saying it's not love but it "could" be something else.  Check out the Book Codependancy No More or even better Women Who love too much.   It explains it a lot better than me.  You are only 25 and I am sure you have alot to offer. Dont' ever stay with someone feeling you could not do better.  I have been attracted to addicts all my life which is why I attend Alanon to help me to work on that pattern.    I think you mom is just trying to save you from any more heartache.   I was with my husband for 7 years and walking away from him was the hardest thing I ever did but I knew I could not do it anymore.   I guess we all have to decide when and what is enough.

[Icka]

Thank you all for your advice! My mother is making this so hard on me. I have always made good decisions in my life and although she may not agree with who I fell in love with she should accept it. I feel as though I need to sneak to see him but I am 25 years old. My mom quit talking to me because she said I broke the rules (allowing him into MY house) but I don't feel she has the right to make that rule considering it is my house. My head is so messed up and it is so hard for me to focus on anything. I have a beautiful 4 year old that I am not giving all my attention to and I teach a class of 16, 7 year olds and have a hard time putting on a smile. I am here not to try to fix my boyfriend, I know he has to do that and is willing, but to fix myself and to try to get my life back!

[hydro4life]

Sweetie  NOBODY choose who we LOVE and we can not help who we love. Don't know what state you are in but most likely the DA will go for the plea bargin with the consideration of the fact that he is making the effort to pay the money back for his mistake. He is an addict (or ex-addict) in recovery and the will look at this. This is a felony cause of the amount but more than likely the will plea with him and possilby even drop it from a felony to a misdemeanor based on him already paying back for his"mistake". Probably no jail time just probation and possibly couseling for the adiction. Hope it all works out for you. If you wanna talk just private message me and I'll be there for you all I can. Had a friend in a similar situation and I can tell you about it. Relax and take care of you and the child and be there for him also he needs you as well.
Steph