Messed up AGAIN!!

[Tkkmom]

Just took last 7.5 loratab, been on about 110-120 mg for about 5 months. For last 4 years, been taking any kind hydrocodone get a hold off. I have done some crappy stuff lately. Losing respect of those around me, not to mention I OWE everyone money. This is my 2nd time, so I can't tell anyone. I'm scared death of wd.. Can't take off work, scared I'm not gonna make it. I have to quit!! I don't like who am, my kids are getting really frustrated with some stupid stuff I have done. My kids are my reason to keep going. I can't let them know I got on tabs again. Any advice on cold turkey?

[selfinduced]

Hey Tk, How are you feeling today? I was going to mention to check out SMJlost85's post from yesterday. She has a plan with expectations all lined out which you may want to pull from. Your a tough girl, I see it in your life battles and what you have over come. This battle with addiction for me was a mix of fighting and surrendering. You will have to buck up and fight the physical for about a week, no way around it. Then surrender to the mental, not by giving in to pills, but realize you are powerless over this addiction and can't do it alone. I get not wanting your kids to know, it is a heavy issue and depending on their age, they don't need to know. They will FEEL when you are healing and getting back to your old self. Let the lessons of your past actions keep piling up in the mailbox for now. When your well, you can address them one by one. As for those that have pulled away due to your actions....well one more reason to prove to them, but 1st yourself that you will make it right. I have all the faith in the world in you, you needed to get to this point to get to where you want to be. Remember, it's not where your footsteps have been, it's where they're going that matters. Keep posting......we're here!

[Tkkmom]

I hit the wrong button!! Lol
It's this cycle that keeps sucking me in. Guilt, shame, remorse...
Whew ok I finally said it all out loud!! Well kinda

[Tkkmom]

Thanks selfinduced! I have reread your post about 5x!! I keep telling myself I didn't get here in a day.. Take a while to dig out. I get off work only to find another consequence waiting in the mailbox.
You guys are amazing!! The strength here on this forum really amazes me. I'm trying to remeber the tools I used from the first time, only my memory has went to mush. I swore I wouldn't end up here again, but here I am. The physical is going to be rough, but emotionally scared I will be crippled. I have lost both my parents, grandparents and divorced my husband for abuse to my children. Took him to criminal court but jury found him not guilty. We didn't have any evidence just my kids word against his. But we did accomplish them not ever having to see him again because dhr did put in a report of abuse... I guess I'm rambling this all out because without my pills it overtakes my brain and fell like my heart ripping out. Which brings me to my kids and why they can't know... But on some level they do know. It's a vicouis

[selfinduced]

Hey Tk, First clear your head of all the negative, it won't help and may only drive you back to the false numbing security those pills brought. I know you love your kids, but right now YOU are number one. Get yourself better and your kids will automatically find their safe zone at your side. We have all don't regrettable things to get these pills, that the nature of the addiction. Very few get off consequence free. All I can promise you is if you don't get clean the consequences and damage will increase. Your worth this effort. We are all here for you.You can do this!!

[Tkkmom]

Thanks so much for the post. The first time was about 7 years ago & I went to inpatient detox, slept thru the first 3 days. I never got over the depression. I have neck problems which are under control, I took tabs for emotional pain. I have deleted numbers and said not any more to a supplier. Of all days to get that call!!  Hopefully it's worse in my head than it will actually be. I read where a few started antidepressants, gonna give my dr a call...

[jc1002]

Hey tkkmom,

Glad you decided to post.  There are some wonderful and caring people out here willing to provide help and support.  Listen to them, they know what you are going thru.  I am beginning day 4 now and thanks to many of the people out here I havent even thought about taking a pill.  I felt like crap, or worse than crap but with the help of everyone out here, you will get thru this.  I am looking forward to getting thru this "hell week" and getting past this.  You can do this too.  Its hard. Very hard!  But you need to do this for you.  Good luck and keep posting.

jc

[kyle505]

Welcome. Take some time and read the posts on this forum. You'll find many of us who've gone through this. However, the bottom line is, no matter what kind of outside help you get, even from family and loved ones, getting clean is up to you. Do you really want it this time? If so, then get rid of all of your sources and be prepared for several days of crap. Eat when you can, drink always, and do whatever it takes to make you feel as good as possible. The most important thing - don't listen to your head. The mental part of getting clean is the worst. You have to stay strong. You can do this. Keep posting.

[charliej41]

Well I feel for u I know how hard it is to quit its b hard on u not having tour family support b hard to hide the fact u your going through d.t. for the first 4-5 days just tell them your sick and hope for the best that would not work for my family I tell them I sick they think I been on somthing but if your ready to quit now the time to do it hang in there u can do this

[Sonrissa]

Hi Tkkmom, I'm happy to see you've made the choice to stop! It is a vicious cycle we get ourselves into! The good news is that the weekend is coming up and that's Probly when the worst of the WDs will hit! Hope you don't have to work on the weekend! You've been through this before, so you know what to expect, right? Make sure that you have everything you need, vitamins, supplements, Immodium, stay hydrated, bland foods etc. You can do this! We will support you every step of the way! Post often with any questions! One step at a time! Don't over think this! Take it as it comes and dig deep, fight hard! Others will be along soon to offer more advice! Best wishes! Stay with us OK?