Stadol NS

[Linda64]

I started taking Stadol NS in 1992 and in May of 2001 I stopped it.  I am having bladder control problems and wondered if this was maybe a symptom of the damage caused by this drug?  I was certainly addicted to this medication and was using at least a bottle a month for the last 2 years I took it.  Anyone with other symptoms from long term use of Stadol NS please comment.

[angst]

i got hooked on the stadol ns back in '93.  i had never taken drugs for chronic pain until then.  i used the stadol ns until '97.  then when my m.d. found it was addictive, and he left me high and dry on wygesics.  i found the needle.  any opiate will cause all body functions to slow down hence the sensation of never having enough time to do everything.  also, many of us were chasing the dope man and lying about it.  it used alot of energy and time.  i do not miss that ****.  i am on methadone for the second time.  i do not have the motivation and creativity i had when i was using.  but i did not have time to do a lot with my creativity when i was using.  i also have a daughter.  she is eleven.  she's watched me kick four times.  she also found me in the kitchen, on the floor, almost dead when i attempted to end this damned cycle.  if it weren't for my  existentialist beliefs, i might find a way out of here.  stadol is just another opiate.  i found the rebound pain worse than the relief.  hope everyone else is fairing better.

[jennyfla]

You're underestimating yourself Kip, you are very wise and also full of knowledge through your own heartaching experience and always willing to share your lessons learned and lend an angel shoulder to cry on.
Groovy, i remember when i quit everything when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter.  Time does seem to have a different speed when sober.  I think it because when you are using, you reach for the drink or drug and sit back or get busy with all this extra energy, me personally, i get myself into a frenzy trying to clean everything in site.  When sober, you know how to relax more, things just don't seem quite as important to get done now.  That's how i felt anyway.
There was always this certain feeling that i would get when not taking or drinking anything.  I can't describe it, but maybe it's just called 'living'.  It's a feeling of enjoyment that you get from doing something or thinking a certain way that seems to be gone now while using.  Things just don't feel or seem the same, it's like a much darker, closed world.  
My mind doesn't think and i don't feel like i used to.  Like i've said before, the sun doesn't shine as bright, the air doesn't smell as fresh, i don't notice the things that use to give me a simple feeling of happiness.  Used to be that the wind would blow a certain way and it would bring on a happy memory of something. These days everything is closed, i don't feel those feelings like i used to.  So i definately think addicts are living in a different dimension of some sorts if that makes sense.
Enjoy your 'time' now, that's the real speed of life!
:)
Lv Jenny

[skipper]

groovy:
thankyou for the compliment. i can't recall where anyone has re-
fered to me as "wise," outside of this forum. i would caution you
how ever that my ego can blow up to enormous size if too many compliments come too quick!

getting and useing drugs is a very time consuming endeavor that is quickly forgotten once we are on our way to the *warm and fuzzy place!* when i detox time seems to approach a standstill. when i'm useing drugs i usually feel like there isn't enough time to do all the things that need to be done. detox me and suddenly there is all kinds of time... i just don't have the energy and motivation to do anything. i think that most junkys feel this way. i also expierence that coming out of a fog into sharp, bright sunlight.

how goes your detox? when the depression and lethargy hits you,
post to the forum! i can't speak for anyone else, but i know there will always be an ear to listen. addicts don't always have the answers, but we can listen to each other!

any how keep an angel on your shoulder!
kip

[1fortheroad]

you're like the "wise" man of the board...you offer sincere/good advice with no judgemental undertones...i like that!!

i never realized how much time searching for more drugs took.  i find myself with all this free time and not a clue how to spend it.  i can't even believe i'm saying that.  before, i'd be running around like a nutcase, always late and always just plain running out of time.  now, the days seem looong!  i must have really been living in a haze, because everything seems so crystal clear all of a sudden.  maybe i'm just losing my mind.  have any of you guys felt like this after quitting?

[skipper]

ok lets get one thing besides each of you guys straight. the
first thing a person must do after getting clean is to learn how
to love and forgive yourself. one of my favorite junky authors,
WS Burroughs said "the past is fiction." when i first cleaned
up in a 12 step program, i had a sponcer that told me repeatedly
"i'm going to love and care about you and there isn't a *******
thing you can do about it!" he would then talk of the importance
of learning how to love yourself. like it or not i had to let go
of all the transgressions in my past. i trust neither one of you
has been arrested for child neglect or abuse, so the sooner you
let yourself off the hook, the sooner you can return to the real
important things like children, aging parents,ets...
got angel on shoulder?
kip

[jennyfla]

I've been on oxys for about 1 1/2 years this time.  I had a pregnancy inbetween my using so i quit for a while, and now i'm physically addicted.  Before pregnany i was not physically addicted and through i wasn't able to 'get' addicted.  A friend of mine used to call me 'miss non-addictive', knowing all too well that i was only fooling myself.
Best of luck to you, stay strong, and you will stay on the right track.
Lv Jenny

[1fortheroad]

yeah, it's really hard to stay off the stuff, but if you don't, you will get so incredibly sick you will wish you were dead.  trust me.  i didn't wait when i got temgesic and tried to detox myself...i truly felt as if i would die.

i'm so glad you called that place - they are really very nice and the guy that runs the place knows what he's talking about.  it was so nice to talk with a professional that truly knew how i was feeling, what my fears were etc.  flying down there while in total withdrawal was horrible.  it was so hot when i got there, and i was shivering and sweating at the same time...if your doc will agree to prescribe it, it's a much cheaper way to go...good luck with that.  let us know what you decide to do....

oh yeah, how long have you been on the oxy's?  just curious...

[jennyfla]

I have a 9,6 and a 2, so i can relate to the mommy guilts!
You hang in there and i did talk to someone today from the crp place.   The program sounds real good.
I take oxys so i'd have to be off them for more time.  They would put me on oxycodene first, because with oxys, you have to be clean for 50 hours!!!  I've never gone that long, whew!  Then drive 90 miles, ouch!!!!!
I'm checking with a local dr to see if he can detox me from the oxys!
Good luck and don't worry so much about how you will feel without the buph.  If you're really ready, you will feel great!!!
Good Luck!
Lv Jenny

[1fortheroad]

i didn't mention my 5 year old daughter - she is the REAL focus...i write as tho people know me and know about my life...i love that kid so much.  i look at her and lately feel such incredible guilt...she's seen me sick, too sick to get off the couch and ride bikes or do anything...she thinks i get the flu a lot...great mother huh?  i used to think i was a wonderful mom - i was there for her 100%...at least two of those years were spent taking a lot of vicodin, so i wasn't really there.  i guess i can only be thankful that i realized what was happening when i did, and i'm trying to stop it now. the buprenex really helps - i wish more people would give it a try.  i don't know what will happen when i stop taking it...i'm going to wean way, way down, so hopefully it won't be too painful.  i tried it awhile ago, and i went from taking 5 in a day to none - that was really, really difficult...because it is an opiate - is addicting.  anyway, i am just trying to keep my daughter and husband in mind when things get really bad...they are my anchors and i will not fail them again.

[jennyfla]

Good luck and i hope you make it to finding your spirit and soul again, and i think you will.
I would give it at least 1 month, after that, i think you will slowly start to feel things that you have missed from 2-year back.
It's a short time compared to 2-years really!
I think it's important to find a focus, and really concentrate on it.  Your garden sounds like a wonderful focus.
I always have my kids to focus on, but i need something else.  I always do better with a focus.
Good luck, all things are possible!
Lv Jenny

[1fortheroad]

i know exactly what you mean about remembering how you used to feel - enjoying the smell after the rain, etc.  gosh, i NEED to be back there...i am determined.  i feel so empty inside - nothing gives me joy - i used to get really "happy" when i got a new prescription filled without a hassle, i guess relief is more the word to describe it.  happiness?  i don't think i've felt "true" happiness in at least two years.  narcotics have robbed me...when on the drugs, i would feel tons of energy...nervous, crazy energy and i'd get lots of stuff done.  i thought that was happiness.  i miss being outside and just "being" - i always have a big vegetable garden, and early in the morning i'd go out and work in it...i LOVED it - the fresh dew on the plants, feeling the earth between my fingers.  these past two years, i'd rush thru weeding, watering, etc...my garden still looked good, but i didn't derive any of the pleasure from nature that i used to.  it's weird...my garden had less weeds than it did any other year, but i didn't feel any joy when i looked at it - didn't feel the satisfaction of putting in the work.  sorry for rambling, but like i said...i feel i've been stripped of my soul and spirit.  i hope someday it comes back to me...i always ask how long that will take - no one seems to know the answer...prayers to all you fellow addicts out there...just hang on...

[jennyfla]

Thank you for sharing your experience Groovy.  I love you name, by the way!!!  Sounds so positive and upbeat!! :)
WW, thanks for the tip on sleeping.  Groovy, i never knew addicts weren't getting rem sleep, but i do know that i always wake up feeling like complete crappola, thought it was all waking up in full withdrawal!
WW, i remember twinlab products when i worked for a health food distributor long ago.  They have excellent products and i really believe in many of the 'natural' ways of curing what ails us.
I'm in for my 'ride' soon, and i absoluately scared to death.  I couldn't refill my valium script, so i won't have much of that.  I want to be healthy again, something i really used to thrive on.  I used to love feeling 'good' naturally, taking in all that life had to offer.  I used to enjoy the sunshine, the smell of rain, the sound of the ocean and the smell (i can't smell the ocean anymore these days), looking at my kids and smiling, i can't do that these days either, not when my mind is so twisted and i'm in such pain inside.  I remember what i used to feel like and i really am looking forward to getting that back.  It's such a hard thing to explain, but it's the feeling of living.  My life has been centered around getting high, when i will get high next, worrying about having enough to get high, worry about the money used to get high, and feeling horrible about myself for living like this.  I want to look forward to things, enjoy life using my own body's chemicals and not relying on a chemical to make me think i'm feeling good.  Mostly, i want to wake up in the morning without laying in a pool of sweat hardly able to get outta bed because i hurt so much.  My moods are getting worse especially with this added stress of fear.  I snap and think who the hell was that, like i'm possessed.  I'm afraid of what i will do or say next.  I don't want to hurt anyone with my actions (mental), and i want to be a good mom.  Children can grate on your nerves like nothing else, and the last thing i want to do is take out my frusteration and pain out on them.  Again, i just loose my patients easier and can't handle as much, but i would never go as far as to harm them physically don't misunderstand.  I hate that i can't be one of those perfect moms with the patients of a saint these days because you almost have to be a saint to handle three kids.
My 9-year old's been such a great help, i don't know what i'd do without her.  I guess all that good mommy loving has paid off and i'm being rewarded because she's such a great help and understands that mommy isn't feeling very well these days.  I want to get my act together and clean up so i can be a better mom to all of them and not have my 9-year old think that mommy is loosing it, she deserves so much more than that!
I got all long-winded on this one!
I can't wait to have myself back, i've missed myself so much over these past few years, it's time!
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Restoril and Oxazepam (serax) are both benzos. I'm kinda suprised that your Doc told you to take both, since they are very similar to each other. I'm glad that you are able to get some sleep, but do be careful, as you don't want to end up with a benzo addiction on top of it all, and the body can get addicted to them pretty fast.

I've recently discovered a sleep aid that works very well for me.
It's a nutrional supplement called Gaba.  At first I tried it and it did not do a damn thing. But I learned that it does not cross the blood brain barrier unless it is bonded with niacinamide and inostol (both of which are b vitamins). When I just added a bcomplex tablet to the Gaba, I got a slightly improved effect, but not much.  So then I moved on to the Twinlab brand of Gaba. The capsule has Gaba which is chemically bonded somehow with niacinamide and inostol.  This lets the Gaba hitch a ride over across the blood brain barrier, and at least for me, works extremely well.  I'm suddenly able to get deep, restful sleep, and I wake up feeling refreshed and good.  

Just thought I'd share my experience with this one...it might not work for everyone, but it is worth a try. Just be sure to buy the Twinlab brand, it is called "Gaba Plus" and clearly states on the front label that it contains niacinamide and inostol.  It is non addictive.

WW

[skipper]

groovy:
again my proof readin (lack of) makes an ass out of me. what i ment
to say was " i too would do a mentle doubletake if i were asked "do
you have legitimate issues?" i know i can be abrasave and sarcas-
tic, i just hope you realise i wasn't trying to be
kip

[skipper]

groovy:
please accept my apology. i ment to ask if you had any legitimate
pain issues. my poor typeing (and proof reading skills) are my only
excuse. i too would take offence if someone asked me if i had legit
pain issues i certainly would do a "mentle double take!"

again please forgive what must have been a wierd and distasteful
post. i hope only the best for you in your recovery!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Seamstress]

Thanks groovy.  Are those benzos? If so, be careful.  Don't take long term.

[1fortheroad]

that last post was an answer to your question.  sorry i addressed it to the wrong name...

[1fortheroad]

the sleep aid is called restoril, and it really works well.  he also gave me an antianxiety called oxazepam (serax), so i take taht one first, and then a couple minutes before i go to bed i take the restoril...i have never slept like this before, and i'm not all groggy in the morning.

[1fortheroad]

what do you mean by legitimate issues??  do you mean pain issues?

[skipper]

groovy:
hey, thumbs up and hat off to ya! i hope you have no legitimate is-
sues to deal with!
keep and angel on your shoulder
kip

[Seamstress]

Please share the name of the sleep aid.  I am soooo sleep deprived I was considering hitting myself in the head with a hammer.

[1fortheroad]

hello - witchywoman - you mentioned cprflorida...i just got back from there a few days ago, and it was fabulous!  i was in such dire straights that i booked a flight monday, flew down monday night and was seen at 8:45 tuesday morning.  i am pretty much broke from buying meds, but i NEEDED to do something and couldn't find an outpatient program near me that used anything but clonodine (which doesn't work for me).  the doc down there was very, very knowledgeable and compassionate.  he also gave me a bunch of amino acids, so that "recipe" also has some merit in the medical community.  i would recommend the place to anyone.  think about it this way...think about all the cash we all spend on meds - i know for me, especially in the last year, i have spent thousands...it is sickening to me.  this money was well spent, and i am hopeful that in approx 6 weeks time i will be off the buprenex and feeling ok.  buprenex allows you to feel ok throughout the withdrawal, while letting your brain's receptors heal.  us opiate addicts have receptors that have been worn down to little nubs leaving us unable to naturally feel pleasure - hence the lengthy depression which follows detox.  he also gives a sleep aid, which is wonderful (short-term). addicts don't ever get rem sleep, which is why we are lethargic post detox....we are suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome.  i learned SO much from going to this place, and honestly he is the first person i've talked with that really UNDERSTOOD what i'm feeling and how to fix it.  the rest is up to me, however, and i am going to meetings.  that is a integral part of the process.  i don't like the meetings, and i generally don't buy in to the 12-step thing, but i am going and will continue to go.  sorry for the long post...didn't realize just how long it was until i got to this point...haha

[jennyfla]

Thank you for all your support, it really means a lot to me!!!
WW, darn, if i only placed my order when i started talking about it less than 1 month ago.
They say i have to wait about 2-weeks, then the order time on top of that.
I think i might call a dr that i saw back about 1-year ago.  He did a bunch of tests on me because i was getting paranoid that i was dieing. Everything came out fine at the time, and i even broke down and started to cry and told him the truth of what was going on, so he knows my situation.
I think i might just get an appt and talk to him at least.  At the time he gave me the number of a local outpatient treatment facility, which i was already familiar with.
I'm pretty much flat broke at this time, so even if i wanted to buy the drugs on the street, it isn't even possible, that's why it's time to stop.
I panicked last night and was loosing it, but today i feel a little better.  I can't really trust my feelings because, of course, i'm numb right now.
I'm scared to death of not being able to function.  When in withdrawal, even walking is a chore, i remember.  How am i going to care of an extremely active 2-year old!!!!!  She pushes me beyond my limits, i have no idea how i will pull this off.
I'm gonna be doing a lot of praying!!!  The emptiness inside and boredom of not being high is also very much on my mind.  I'm going to try to find a focus!  Last time i did this i was pregnant, so that was my biggest focus.  I stopped, but wasn't physically addicted yet.  Even still, the first month was tough, i felt lost with the drugs/alcohol/cigarettes which all stopped on the day i saw that line of the pregnancy test.  
To complicate everything further, with it not just being me, having my husband doing this too makes it even harder.  I know i must concentrate on myself, and he can take care of himself.  But his actions effect me and if he isn't able to work, he has a very physical job, then i will suffer too.
So much worries, so much to think about, it scares me to death!!!!
Thank you for the prayers!!!
Lv Jenny

[Ketta]

I'll pray for you and your husband. You can do it. Ketta
p.s. what was your doc. arrested for? I think i missed something. very curious.