Bewildered

[sab805]

Ok...I am feverishly searching the internet for ANY information on how to detect possible opiate/barbituate abuse. My boyfriend had a surfing injury 2 years ago and was prescribed vicodin or something of the like; from there, he was off to the races. He went from taking that for actual pain, to buying a host of pills off street. I am sure he associated with people he would have never given the time of day to and detached himself from his true friends. He is a degreed professional that owns his own company and was literally jeopardizing everything he had worked so hard for. He went to an in-patient rehab and shortly there after, we started dating albeit we have known each other since we were 12.
I have recently witnessed him "nodding off" while in mid sentence, speak with what I call a thick tongue and has been unreachable by phone at times. After intense questioning, he admitted to me that he went to the doctor because he was feeling stressed and was prescribed Xanax. He then told me that those occasions that he was nodding off and thick tongued, he had taken the prescription and had a few drinks. How much does one have to take in order to get to that pathetic state? What is going on? Can someone please help me with this?

[dominosarah]

Please stick around here.  You will find alot of support.  You are affected by this addiction and need some support.  That is what this forum is for.  sara

[sab805]

Hey...we were born the same year! Or is that not the year of your birth?  Sorry, I get excited about the silliest things. Yes, I am learning and I know he will learn from this too.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[joann1975]

Sab... I understand what you are going through is tough... we as addicts tend to be very defensive when we feel attacked or insulted in any way (not that you were intending to do that) especially if we are early in recovery or just having a rough time... etc...

Please stick around... post... read... maybe you can understand addicts a little more if you read some of our posts etc... There are several people on here who aren't addicts but are spouses or parents etc... of addicts. We do come from all walks of life! Addiction doesn't have ANY boundaries.... you will learn that here... Please stay and check it out for awhile at least...maybe your bf could find this forum useful as well?!

JoAnn

[Coolio Hernendez]

My freind.....Does Xanax and drinks....Once before I knew...We went out for drinks...He had one Bloddy Mary and started acting real wierd....He went to order another and the bar tender said " If you cant say the name of the drink then i cant make it for you ".

I later found out that he took very hihg doses of Xanax....

His life is a mess and you cant understand him when he talks.....I mean he is really messed up.

I heard that the W/D's can be real bad...

[GoingToMakeIt]

I sent you a message. Look in the upper right for Inbox and click on it.

[cattalina]

I really truly hope that you don't leave!!  Addiction is difficult to understand by family and loved ones as well as by addicts ourselves.  You have every right to feel the way you do, and you shouldn't apologize for it.  Unfortunately, your words were truthful, and that's hard for us to swallow.  

Do not leave!!!  We can help you understand a little bit more, and hopefully help you find some peace.  This website is for everyone who's been affected by addiction, not just addicts.  GTMI is right, people will come around!!  If you want to talk privately, just say so.  Trust me - we are compassionate people and you are not a bother.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Another problem with addicts is we do get a lot of stuff thrown our way that doesn't help us in our recovery. But oyu have feelings and questions too. Stand strong. Ask questions and just be real. People are slow to come around, but they will.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Please don't feel this way. (about leaving) apologies accepted. I think we can help you, just be honest with us. (I am not saying you weren't.)

[sab805]

I am sorry for lashing out on this site. I am angry and hurt and am having feelings, like you guys, that I do not know what do with. I do not understand why things happen anymore and feel very lonely and confused about it. I am not cut out to have a relationship with an addict; that I know. I cannot help them and don't understand the dynamics and for that I am truly sorry. I take it personally and have not been able to take it any other way. I am sure that is not the way I should internalize it but that is the truth.

I will not bother any of you again. I hope all of you find the release you need to rid yourself of the burden you carry.

[FriaryGrad]

If your BF has no "reason" to use drugs, has everything to lose, and nothing to gain by using drugs, but still uses drugs, are you getting a hint about the power they hold, especially over some of us?  And that if it was as easy as you say to "chose" to give them up, we would obviously make that choice in a heartbeat?  If he's been to inpatient rehab I promise you that he was told that he had to stay miles away from Xanax and alcohol, not just paid medication.  It's called cross-addiction -- an addict always over does it, always takes much more than the prescribed dose, and almost always hides a relapse until she/he can't hide it any more.  He has relapsed.  If you can't support him to get back to rehab, then leave him before you're hurt even more. I don't think you're cut out to have a relationship with an addict, at least not now. Take a break...and save yourselft.

[1234betterlife]

to answer your question. mixing alcohol with xanax or opiates can produce the symptoms you described very quickly. as far as him being a professional. that has nothing to do with anything. everyone who uses has something to lose. addiction is not just a disease of toothless, under the bridge people. most of my friends i have met that have addiction problems are professionals, including myself. it is up to him to seek help for himself. if you have asked and not received the answer that is suffcient for you i would suggest finding a support group for yourself IF you intend to stay in this relatiohnship. a relationship is built on trust and honesty on both sides. there are drug tests available but i would discuss it with him before you approach that.

[Soon2BMrsTurner]

You chose to date him . And sweetie addiction knows no color or class of person . It effects all sorts. Sad that some think because they are high class people that it shouldnt happen to them and that those who are addicted are low class trash. WRONG  Addiction doesnt care who you are where you come from or what you have it could care less. And after that post of talking to us like trash and your BF is one of us. Be angry at him hunny not the whole world. You know in your heart that he has relapsed or you wouldnt be here. But PLEASE treat people here with respect they are amazing people who will help but only if the nasty attitude is gone. Think of it this way if you were in a room of a hundred people and had a scarf on your eyes and talked to them you might like them for them not who they are. Addicts are people to just people who had a bump in their road dont let that bump be a detour =)

[scaredmom330]

I would say if you don't want to be there leave but if he is asking for help then help him. I have learned you can't help someone who doesn't want help regardless of what you do.As hard as it is, if you love him and plan on stay, you can on be supportive when he is sober and when not, don't be around him, don't call him or answer his calls, he will either try to clean up or move on which would be better for you. I don't mean to be negative but that is what I have to do with my son and now I only talk to him when he is straight.
Karen

[sadinmichigan]

oh..and I will add this..You CHOSE to date an addict !!

[sadinmichigan]

as you can see this is the cycle of addiction which is evident right in front of your own eyes with your boyfriend. You will know and most likely do already..from the sounds of it you may not be approachable enough for him to talk to...might want to tone it down..you can not make him want to be clean no matter how many threats or intense questioning..thats all up to him..but it helps to have an approachable disposition..

[dominosarah]

Read the Serenity Prayer.

[wannabefree330]

Interesting to find a plea for help after reading your previous post and how negative it sounded....especially toward us inconsiderate, selfish people.  BUT....hopefully you will come to realize, that although we agree with you, we want to help anyone affected by this horrible disease.

It sounds to me like a relapse.  If there was ever any length of sobriety.  Xanax and alcohol are a deadly combination.  He could easily OD on these.  If he's getting the xanax, my bet is he's getting pain killers too.  

What to do.....well, unless he WANTS to stop, you really can't do anything for him.  BUT, you can change your reaction to what is going on here.  Meaning...while you may be tolerating the nodding off now, or making excuses for him when around others--why he isn't at certain gatherings etc- change your reaction.  Don't make excuses for him anymore....don't apologize for him anymore....if he falls asleep on you, get up and leave right then....or insist he leave and walk home.  You need to make a list of boundaries for yourself.  Become very familiar w/them.  Some things are going to be really hard to stick to. (ie.  moving out, or kicking him out; no sex; getting back into treatment, or breaking off the relationship, covering for him making an asss out of himself, or blowing off friends/business clients etc)  You HAVE to be consistent, and you have to inform him of the consequences of crossing the line.  You can't control him or his behavior, but you can control yours.

This disease is viscious.  It makes us become that which we loathe.  While we know we are hurting those around us, we don't care if there's drugs in front of us.  Once the drug wears off, the guilt and shame become so intense, the only thing we know is to drug it up again.  If he doesn't get back to meetings, or treatment, it's a guarantee his business, relationship w/you, and eventually his life will be gone.  I commend you for reaching out for information.  You don't need to feel sorry for us, or for him.  But, set some boundaries w/him.  He needs it, and it's healthy for you to do that....FOR YOU

[sadinmichigan]

well for one..pain killer addiction effects many people in many walks of life..including business owners,movie stars,drs,lawyers,mothers,fathers,grandmothers, AND those people you wouldn't normally associate with..etc..
as for nodding off..many drugs can do that, including xanax if he is taking to much and drinking.
I would suggest that intense questioning may not be the key here, just talk to him.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I can't say for sure, but I bet you know or you wouldn't be asking. go with your heart here. My guess is you're right. There are drug tests available at the pharmacy, I think.

[sab805]

Is he showing signs of relapsing?

[GoingToMakeIt]

I know very little about Xanax, except to not mix with alcohol. Some times a call to a pharmacist will help you to get answers.