Aa
To everyone
Hey everyone.. This is my second time postig. Im not to good at this kind a thing, so here I go. Been clean 23 days and no opiates. I work in a professional job so Im here every other day to catch up on the forum. My heart goes out to everybody detoxing. Ive been putting quiting in my head for months and did it. This forum and all U people contributed. When I got the urge I went to the forum and read everyones story, thats what saved me. Just wanted to write a little something this mornin. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel.... AS
We all are wishing and hoping for you to stay strong and focused in the coming days, as rough as it is, remeber you have ears all over the world when you came to this post. You have friends you never thought you had, who have been there and will be there with you!
Just a reminder you might want to look at some past post for some extra help. Everyone here has some good ideas to help with the fuzzys, creepys and withdrawls. Best of luck!
Strength to you and all!
Peace
mickytim
Just a reminder you might want to look at some past post for some extra help. Everyone here has some good ideas to help with the fuzzys, creepys and withdrawls. Best of luck!
Strength to you and all!
Peace
mickytim
Hi ssfr..I just wanted you to know that I'll be thinking of you and sending you healing vibes and support while you are doing your detox. I have one suggestion though...it might help for you to post every day, instead of waiting until wednesday to let us know how you are. If you are like me, it helps to write about how you are doing, and to get support from others.
But..do what works for you..we are here if you need us!
good luck to you,
love,
WW
But..do what works for you..we are here if you need us!
good luck to you,
love,
WW
thanx everyone for your kind words and encouragement- d-day (detox day) i have decided to set for monday- i have enough meth tablets for 3-4 days- skip- from my limited understanding about what you said about gamma receptors- it sounds like that it might really have a chance of working- (of course i am not so dumb to not realize that the vast majority of the chance of success has to do with my desire to make it work) anyway- i am going to give it a real try- and will repost around wedensday or so about how it worked- if it works for me , it could work for anyone- and anything i can do to help someone else would be great- wish me luck, and a few prayers wouldnt hurt either- i am a little frightened about the whole thing
Isn't it funny that it takes a accident or death or something else to find out who your TRUE friends are? People who might have cried on your shoulder for years, now look at you different!
Can anyone comment on that? Ok they say " well we have our own lifes to live", but isn't that what friendship and love is about.
Milo we are bretherin in that in our illness, No one but the people on this line, and I mean no one but these people have not judged us, or made us feel like all my Dr's have made me feel, like a number or wierd thing. Now I feel your pain, you have felt mine.
I'm not brave or any different than you because, I have read all your words of encouragement to others. 4 years are gone BUT the future is ahead!
What's the saying" I'll rest when I'm dead", We'll WE have a chance to change things, I'm changing my future, Milo I know you can change yours. And I'll be here along with WW( Hi WW ) and jennyfla, and WIZ and all the others, I promise I won't turn my back on someone who in 2 weeks has made me feel welcome, encouraged, and heard my cries for help with pain in my heart and body. And yes I'm an Addict to!
Now it's time to go outside and get some air on my motorcycle ( Goldwing )Thats my drug of choice, I just forgot about it while I was feeling sorry for myself. Who knows maybe I'll get lucky and get a little Summthin Summthin
Thanks Milo from man to man yo yo yo peace out
mickytim
Can anyone comment on that? Ok they say " well we have our own lifes to live", but isn't that what friendship and love is about.
Milo we are bretherin in that in our illness, No one but the people on this line, and I mean no one but these people have not judged us, or made us feel like all my Dr's have made me feel, like a number or wierd thing. Now I feel your pain, you have felt mine.
I'm not brave or any different than you because, I have read all your words of encouragement to others. 4 years are gone BUT the future is ahead!
What's the saying" I'll rest when I'm dead", We'll WE have a chance to change things, I'm changing my future, Milo I know you can change yours. And I'll be here along with WW( Hi WW ) and jennyfla, and WIZ and all the others, I promise I won't turn my back on someone who in 2 weeks has made me feel welcome, encouraged, and heard my cries for help with pain in my heart and body. And yes I'm an Addict to!
Now it's time to go outside and get some air on my motorcycle ( Goldwing )Thats my drug of choice, I just forgot about it while I was feeling sorry for myself. Who knows maybe I'll get lucky and get a little Summthin Summthin
Thanks Milo from man to man yo yo yo peace out
mickytim
I can't tell you how moved I was by your story. You have displayed so much courage and resilience in the face of pain that would drive most people to despair. That's an inspiration to me, and I'm sure to others also!
My nutshell story: Treated a few years ago for severe anxiety + panic, severe headaches, OCD, and IBS. Any one of these could make life misery & hell, but can you imagine the combination? We got the OCD under control, but anxiety & IBs remained, and I started overusing then abusing Fioricet for headaches. Was on antianxiety, antidepressant, and several pain meds. This was also an unusually stressful period of my life. Don't know whether it was the combination of meds, the stress, just "my time" to fall apart, or all of the above, but I just lost it -- missed a lot of work, neglected the most basic social activities and neatness, fell into depression. What hurt most was that my "concerned friends" turned their backs on me when I didn't respond the way they thought I should. So I fel I've lost about 4 years to all of this, as you have to physical troubles. I'm with ya, friend, and I hope we both emerge happy & whole. -- Milo
My nutshell story: Treated a few years ago for severe anxiety + panic, severe headaches, OCD, and IBS. Any one of these could make life misery & hell, but can you imagine the combination? We got the OCD under control, but anxiety & IBs remained, and I started overusing then abusing Fioricet for headaches. Was on antianxiety, antidepressant, and several pain meds. This was also an unusually stressful period of my life. Don't know whether it was the combination of meds, the stress, just "my time" to fall apart, or all of the above, but I just lost it -- missed a lot of work, neglected the most basic social activities and neatness, fell into depression. What hurt most was that my "concerned friends" turned their backs on me when I didn't respond the way they thought I should. So I fel I've lost about 4 years to all of this, as you have to physical troubles. I'm with ya, friend, and I hope we both emerge happy & whole. -- Milo
Thank you and all for your caring thoughts and prayers.
I agree with you that it may seem like i'm beating myself up, But it really is NOT that way because, I love life and always have smile on my face(even in 0 degree weather). It's just on here I see all of you have been through this like me for 30 years, if not one thing it's another( come from a long line of alcholics).
Long story short version, Clean from coke and other recreational druge since 1989. Work hard, work out harder, run 5 to 10 miles a day, lift weights, and follow strict diet. Wake up in April 1998 can't move legs. Findout I have degeneritive disk, it's gone,only bone hitting bone, catchs nerve. I have fusion operation(walk in 215 lbs soilid) great shape. Only take meds 3 days, Blew dr's away but I knew I like them! so don't do them been clean to long.
1.5 months Dr's amazed at progress say let's try Phys theropy. I go to threopy for only movement, PHT says no, your farther than that let's try the stationary bike, Shatters the fusion, end up on stomach for 2 weeks till swelling goes down enough to operate. Can't tell you about the pain in human terms, except ulltimate. Have 3 emergancy ops, extensive nerve damage, very little use of left leg. Dr's (many) SSI and IME's say nothing can be done, just medicate hope for the best. Thats just great!360 percs amonth 40mgs oxy 3x a day and growing, and mickytim losses it. all this time I'm the pillar of stength and know have got to get strength from them(family). Anyway, I want out of this spiral don;t know how, not getting any help from any DR except meds.
It's April 2001 I want out, and turn on the Boston marathon(big sports fan GO JETS)and see people with no legs, in wheelchairs, running a marathon,WHAT! how can they do that? You know you can't be on pain killers cause they blood test.
Go to Penn State Olympic Trials for disabled. I'm crushed and moved at what I see, and think this is what I want, So I aask around to others what they do for pain. Belive it or not some were insulted because of what they have over come, but told me that there is another level, and it takes time to get there but it's there, but just like any other problem you must give into it.
I do something I havn't done in 25 years I pray, and give into it(not a holy roller)stop meds cold turkey esspecially oxy's, fail a few times on the percs, but haven't touch oxy since may.Close to 20 days clean from percs.
Go from 325 to 260lbs, threw my cane away, and have started a new life excercising and just pushing it. Yes it's painful but worth every minute of it, I'm finding my level!!
But, now i'm burdened with the fact that for 3years I forgot about my strength, and feel like I was a crutch to my family, I lost my wife because I thought I was no longer the man she needed and told her to get a better life( we are still the best of friends, she reads these to)and have started to reach out to each other again because she sees the difference(hey got to get summ summthin sumthin ya no)My daughter helped me tie my shoes and put on my socks when I thought I could'nt do it myself, which I do now.
Three years, I can't help think that I just wasn't the best example as a father, a husband and this is my pain. My daughter is very aware of my family's past and my past, and I can't help thinking that as a father, I lost three years of helping her understand this differently.
This is my pain
But it's NOT MY LIFE!! If a person can run a marathon with no legs so can mickytim!
Sorry for rambling but I feel so much better, Thank you again for all you continuing prayers and words of encouragment.
Peace
mickytim
I agree with you that it may seem like i'm beating myself up, But it really is NOT that way because, I love life and always have smile on my face(even in 0 degree weather). It's just on here I see all of you have been through this like me for 30 years, if not one thing it's another( come from a long line of alcholics).
Long story short version, Clean from coke and other recreational druge since 1989. Work hard, work out harder, run 5 to 10 miles a day, lift weights, and follow strict diet. Wake up in April 1998 can't move legs. Findout I have degeneritive disk, it's gone,only bone hitting bone, catchs nerve. I have fusion operation(walk in 215 lbs soilid) great shape. Only take meds 3 days, Blew dr's away but I knew I like them! so don't do them been clean to long.
1.5 months Dr's amazed at progress say let's try Phys theropy. I go to threopy for only movement, PHT says no, your farther than that let's try the stationary bike, Shatters the fusion, end up on stomach for 2 weeks till swelling goes down enough to operate. Can't tell you about the pain in human terms, except ulltimate. Have 3 emergancy ops, extensive nerve damage, very little use of left leg. Dr's (many) SSI and IME's say nothing can be done, just medicate hope for the best. Thats just great!360 percs amonth 40mgs oxy 3x a day and growing, and mickytim losses it. all this time I'm the pillar of stength and know have got to get strength from them(family). Anyway, I want out of this spiral don;t know how, not getting any help from any DR except meds.
It's April 2001 I want out, and turn on the Boston marathon(big sports fan GO JETS)and see people with no legs, in wheelchairs, running a marathon,WHAT! how can they do that? You know you can't be on pain killers cause they blood test.
Go to Penn State Olympic Trials for disabled. I'm crushed and moved at what I see, and think this is what I want, So I aask around to others what they do for pain. Belive it or not some were insulted because of what they have over come, but told me that there is another level, and it takes time to get there but it's there, but just like any other problem you must give into it.
I do something I havn't done in 25 years I pray, and give into it(not a holy roller)stop meds cold turkey esspecially oxy's, fail a few times on the percs, but haven't touch oxy since may.Close to 20 days clean from percs.
Go from 325 to 260lbs, threw my cane away, and have started a new life excercising and just pushing it. Yes it's painful but worth every minute of it, I'm finding my level!!
But, now i'm burdened with the fact that for 3years I forgot about my strength, and feel like I was a crutch to my family, I lost my wife because I thought I was no longer the man she needed and told her to get a better life( we are still the best of friends, she reads these to)and have started to reach out to each other again because she sees the difference(hey got to get summ summthin sumthin ya no)My daughter helped me tie my shoes and put on my socks when I thought I could'nt do it myself, which I do now.
Three years, I can't help think that I just wasn't the best example as a father, a husband and this is my pain. My daughter is very aware of my family's past and my past, and I can't help thinking that as a father, I lost three years of helping her understand this differently.
This is my pain
But it's NOT MY LIFE!! If a person can run a marathon with no legs so can mickytim!
Sorry for rambling but I feel so much better, Thank you again for all you continuing prayers and words of encouragment.
Peace
mickytim
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