To everyone

[A.S.]

Hey everyone.. This is my second time postig. Im not to good at this kind a thing, so here I go. Been clean 23 days and no opiates. I work in a professional job so Im here every other day to catch up on the forum. My heart goes out to everybody detoxing. Ive been putting quiting in my head for months and did it. This forum and all U people contributed. When I got the urge I went to the forum and read everyones story, thats what saved me. Just wanted to write a little something this mornin. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel.... AS

[Milo]

If we're honest (and I've seen more honesty on this forum than I have just about anywhere else in my life), all of us feel guilt and shame for some reason. Not just the folks on the forum and others with drug problems -- the only difference between us and all those "normal" folks who would condemn us is that most of them could pass a drug screen while many of us could not. We make convenient scapegoats because our faults are often so obvious. I'm not saying we shouldn't take responsibility for our actions, but that's different from continually beating ourselves up. For a long time I thought of myself as "a bad person" because of my problems. Through this forum I have come to understand that having a drug problem (or any other problem for that matter) does *not* make us bad people. If "forum angels" like Cindi, Thomas, Jenny, Wiz, Kerrie, and Jules, and J.B. (please forgive me, anyone I've left out!) are "bad people," then the world makes no sense at all, but I'm in very good company! Now is the time to stop beating yourself up over mistakes in the past, my friend. Coming here is a great start. From your description of your daughter, it sounds like she's turned out not only fine, but excellent, I'd say. I know that you are a loving father -- otherwise you wouldn't care what effect your actions had on her or anyone else. More evidence is that she acknowledges this by loving you in return. I know it's hard -- especially if others have condemned or rejected you, as they did me -- but I hope you are able to start reevaluating the way you view yourself. I'll be here to help any way I can, count on that. Bless your heart -- Milo

[mickytim]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your true feelings. You make this forum such a great place to come and share our feelings, and I see that there are so many new names and faces, I give you all the credit, THANK YOU!!. Once again I truly am choked up.

WW, jennyfla, your kind words about my daughter leed me to say this about her, that when I look at her, and feel all the shame and dispear as a father, It is so beautiful to be looked back at by her with only love.

Yesterday she moved away with her mother to NY,( her mother lives there ), To go to school.  She din't want to go because all her friends are here in PA, but she went through 3 different interveiws, sitting up like a young woman, and spoke so ellaquently, that I as her father, I felt so unbeliveably proud that her strength continues to shine through.  I'm sitting there almost in tears because everytime I see her in a tough situation as a father you want to comfort her , But it is always the other way around, she excells and shows so much maturity( she is also a Black Belt in Goo Shu and Ive seen this in her fights to. She is the reining PA State Champ 2 years in a row Keystone State Games).

I'm a Lucky guy

Lots of luck to all

mickytim

[skipper]

ssfr:
first of all, welcome to the forum! theres always room for one more
among us.
about the methadone-- the amount you take depends on what & how
much you want to be detoxxed from. i'm reluctant to give advice
here, as there are just too many variables. if you do decide to go
this route, you may have to expierment to find what works out best.

if my memory serves me well (and it sometimes doesn't), methadone
affects the gamma receptors. most short acting narcotics affect
the beta receptors. also short acting narcotics will activate the
receptors that met-encaphlin (spelling) activates.

if you decide to expierment with methadone, don't take any benzo's like valium, etc. because you can get some real nasty unpredictable results. save the benzo's for afterwards.

the amount of time is variable. i've seen treatment centers "detox"
junkys in as short a time period as 3-5 days. here again it all
depends on what and how much you've used.

good luck- keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Witchywoman]

Others have posted here saying that they have successfully used Methadone for a few days to withdraw from Heroin, but I personally haven't got any experience with it. I am sure some others on the board will have more of an ability to help you with this question.

Good luck to you in your detox, and please keep us posted!

WW

[Witchywoman]

Wow..you have one hell of a daughter! I hope that she learns that addiction is nothing to play around with.

I should have learned that lesson, watching both my mom's battle and eventually recovery from alcoholism.  I don't know if I ever would have become an addict had I not been given the pills for the very real chronic pain, but an addict I now am, and an addict I will forever be.

How are you doing in your work to stay free of the demon? Are you taking anything for the pain now that you are off the oxy's?

love,
WW

[Milo]

Bless your heart -- hang in there, as distant as it seems, relief is possible. The problem is there doesn't seem to be a systematic way to treat these kinds of problems. I'm doing pretty well right now, but finding the right combination of meds was literally an accident. I know that tired, weak feeling is really awful. There were days when climbing a few stairs (to go to the bathroom of course!) was like a horrendous task. I wish you the best and keep you in my thoughts & prayers. -- Milo