To everyone

[A.S.]

Hey everyone.. This is my second time postig. Im not to good at this kind a thing, so here I go. Been clean 23 days and no opiates. I work in a professional job so Im here every other day to catch up on the forum. My heart goes out to everybody detoxing. Ive been putting quiting in my head for months and did it. This forum and all U people contributed. When I got the urge I went to the forum and read everyones story, thats what saved me. Just wanted to write a little something this mornin. Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel.... AS

[Witchywoman]

Hiya A.S,
Its good to hear from you again..thanks for the words of encouragement. I really need to keep hearing them.
I'm glad you've come out of lurker mode, and look forward to getting to know you better.

:-)

love,
WW

[jule1]

AS, You should be very proud of yourself 23 days is a huge amount of time.  I am sure you are totally seeing the light! I read this forum every day so I am here if I can help in anyway I have been through it all.

Witchy Woman, How is our resident Wican Social Worker I have been thinking about you today I hope you are doing well and not being too hard on yourself.  Too bad we don't live by each other we could get together and practice C Lowells home projects maybe hodge podge percocet bottles. LOL Have a happy day OK!  Jules

MILO, I am so happy for you to have so many people on this forum that understand all about IBS.  I am not sure if you said you have tried some of the new medications or not.  When I was in medical sales I was going through a divorce and also suffered from IBS not nearly as bad as you are but I had very bad fissures that required surgery now try telling this to paople you work with, oh by the way I have to get my butt muscle cut  That was not a pleasant surgery.  Anyway some of my clients (Doctors) had told me about some wonderful medications that were in trials then so they should be FDA approved now. I truly hope you get the help and relief you need you bring a lot of light and wisdom to our little life saving forum.  Lots of hugs to you.

Jenny,  Hows it hanging today? Mine are getting closer and closer to my keyboard every day I guess that is what babies and nursing do to you!  HA HA!  What is going on with your hubby? Just want you to know I am here if you need me.  Love, Jules

[Witchywoman]

Hi Jules, thanks for asking.. I'm doing fine today. I did have to take one pill at 1:30 am last night, but other than that had no meds yesterday. I thought of you ask I was taking it, and remembered to be compassionate to myself... :-) thank you dear Jules!

I'm so proud of myself for doing this. I know I still have hard times ahead of me, when it comes time, after this weekend's wedding I have do do, to stop taking that one nightime pill, and go through the restlessness. And then the really hard part..staying clean. But I'm on the path, to the light, and very very happy about that.

love,
WW

[A.S.]

Jbear, Thanks...Yes a huge amount of time. The light is so bright I have to wear foster grants lol. It relly does get easier everyday. Those first three weeks are hard but under the belt now. Im not a big writing person but thanks for the reply...I am lurking out here in forum land and will be reading on.. Thanks A.S.

Witchy woman, You should be very, very proud. Ive been walking around with my head up high. This is the biggest accomplishment for me in a long long time. As I have said before it does get easier each passing day. You keep those feathers sprawed out as far as they will go 24 hours a day... I can tell you are going to do this. Just keep thinking, I dont want this running my life any more. You be cool A.S.

[Kristen]

Hi,

I was reading through the forum and what you had written about taking 4 (10's) in the morning before you got up, then 2 more at 8:00 am, etc. is exactly what I did.....I haven't taken any Lorcet's in 19 days....but I'm still having some cravings.... physically, I feel OK, but mentally, my mind wont stop thinking about being "high" and getting OUT of my head and feelings... what has helped you through this part???  I definately am seeing things differently, but I'm wanting to numb myself for some reason....anyone have any suggestions???

[A.S.]

Hey Kristen, Im still going through the same thing. But as I keep saying everyday gets better and better. Today was a rough day for me to. When this happens I read the old and new forums. This helps out alot. Stay strong and you will see that beautiful light for sure. The best thing to do is occupy your time and keep busy. As each day comes about it happens less and less. My self personally, I told myself Ive had enough of this b.s. and that was it. It seems to me thats what u did too. At one point in the process it would call me every 5 minutes, I thought I was gonna go crazy. Just kept saying to myself go to hell and dont come back you screwed up dragon. Its worked so far. Youve gon this far, so to me youve already made it. Write if you need me anytime... Youre detoxer in arms A.S.

[jennyfla]

Hey girl, you crack me up!
You should see what happens to 'em after you nurse three!!!!
They used to be a part of my body that i was proud of, now i feel like i need a microscope.  Of course, i used to be a bit heavier years ago too, oh well, combo of nursing and then now drugs and low weight, could be worse! :)
Thanks for thinking of me, you're always in my thoughts too!
Take care of yourself and sweet baby Cole!
Lv Jenny

[mickytim]

I just found out about this posting today. You people crack me up! why can't I find this much truth and honesty and support for anything else I 've tried or seen? wish all of you best of luck and stength you can communicate with me I' ll alway's write back

[Milo]

Jules -- Thank you for the thoughts about IBS. I feel a great sense of relief any time someone, like you, can understand this bane of my existence. Like depression and addiction, I truly believe people can't understand it unless they've experienced it. And to make matters worse, nobody talks about it or even seems to take it seriously.One of the new drugs, Lotronex (?) only worked for women (why?) and was pulled by the FDA after complications arose in some patients. Last i heard, patients' groups were lobbying the FDA for it to be back on the market. Another drug was not approved at the last minute due to the possibility of its causing gall bladder problems. I've had some trouble this past week, but have been pretty much symptom-free for 3 months via a combination of just about every "possibly effective" drug & supplement known to humanity. Thank goodness my close friends understand (you can't spend a weekend in a small apartment or hotel room and avoid the issue!) They just say, "I've got plenty of toilet paper!", and we go from there! Thanks again for thinking of me.
mickeytim -- Is this your first post? If so, welcome! I'm happy to hear from you anytime. -- Milo

[Kerrie]

Hi Milo, This time I know I've got you right. I didn't know you suffered from IBS . I have been through so many scopes trying to determine what i have. A few years ago the doc said it was IBS.But mine was there morning , noon and night. Not just from stress. So I would be sent to another doc. It's IBD. As you know is Inflammatory Bowel Disese. The difference is stress has no affect on it. Yet another doc says now it's Colitis. Basically,IBD. I have done all the meds you can think of. Now I'm on ASACOL 400 mg.2-3x day; metronidazole 250 mg.1 every 8 hrs.
Then the lovely enemas. 1 Metronidazole enema every night for 28 nights. Folic Acid 1 a day.  I've been on this regimine one week and there's no difference.
  I have severe pain and cramping and diahrea 10 to 20 times a day. Do you have pain and cramping. Sometimes I curl up and cry. It's that bad. We want to go to Florida this week-end but this is my delima. I can't eat for fear I won't be able to find a restroom quick enough and often enough. We' be going to my siters and she has one restroom. Then we'll go to our family reunion where all this great food is. I can't eat. That's not the bad part, it's the questions,"Why aren't you eating dear".
    I didn't want to write a book but your the first one I've known with this and just needed someone to connect to.Thanks for listening.
         God Bless, Kerrie

[Milo]

Hi Kerrie,
I'm so glad you wrote -- like I said to Jules, it's such a relief to get to talk about this stuff with someone who can relate. Bless your heart, you've had a much rougher time of it than I have, with the inflammation and all. But the food and bathroom business -- oh, can I relate to that! My predominant symptoms are diarrhea, cramps, and nausea, but I've had some form of functional GI disorder pretty much all my life. Do you just feel like you're drained of all energy? I spent nearly a year essentially dragging myself to work and back home, weak, not wanting to eat, not wanting to leave the house...the IBS and depression became self-perpetuating, I think. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you're having to go through so much unpleasant treatment and that you haven't found relief yet. I hope there are other meds they can try? I don't know much about the treatment of IBD. I have responded pretty well in recent months to an intricate combination of acid blockers, antidepressants, antianxiety meds, Metamucil, and "friendly bacteria" supplements.
Re visiting friends, family dinners, etc...The friends I visit or travel with just know to expect that I may disappear into the bathroom any time and for any length of time. It's inevitable, but I've found my friends to be very cool about it. I just tell them I'm having "stomach troubles" so as not to burden them with unnecessary details. Now as far as family get-togethers...I don't know if this will work with family, but I pulled it off. I was hosting a party I did not want to cancel -- but was sick as a dog and unable to eat a bite when the time rolled around. By keeping moving, always holding a glass (water, but who knew?), talking to folks, and such, I was able to get through the evening without anyone knowing I was ill or noticing I wasn't eating. Good luck to you, and please let me know how you're doing! -- Milo

[jennyfla]

((((HUGS)))) to you both!!!
I ho9pe that a little more comfort can be found in dealing with your illnesses.
My brother and sister both suffer from a bit of IBS we believe.
I used to have something that affected to long long ago, afraid to eat, etc. etc. because...  That was back when i was a teenager and extremely overconcious and shy.  I seemed to have grown out of the shyness and the IB, thankgod, but i could imagine your struggles!  Again, ((((HUGS))))
Lv Jenny

[mickytim]

Thanks for the welcome and I guess my virginity is now gone but not for gotten.

I just want to say that I have been following these posts for sometime and have felt so ashamed of myself and then, see real people, who care are just like me, who have tried and failed but keep on trying.  

You see I to have tried and failed 5 times, in 5 months, to get off Dr. precribed pain meds (40mgs oxy 3xs aday and 10 percs) aday for 3 years cold turkey because even the Dr's did not think it's in my best interst to do so ( get off meds ), because after a successfull 1st surgury, the phsy theropist thought she knew more than the Dr, and shattered my fusion L5 S1. 3 emergancy surgury's later.

After 3 years I want my life back! I feel it's time and I feel the strength mainly because of you people on this page.
Everytime I feel I have failed in the past months I see I'm not alone, that there are more people out there just like me. There are poeple who want there lifes back and are not going to stop even though we feel ashammed and like **** in front of our freinds and families knowing that there is this secert.

10 days totally clean cold turkey , stopped the oxys 1st month, the failures mainly from percs because I will always be in some pain but I belive that I can change this like you all.

Thank you all for your caring for each other, your sharing your stories and pouring your hearts out, I see I'm not alone, I'm not the only one, And there is someone other than the theropist who think they know it all and can relate to someone who has pain and depression.

My tears cannot hide my pain any longer and yes I'm a guy. So thanks so much for being there, I will not give up, just like you all

[Witchywoman]

Hi there...thank you for that beautiful, honest post. I can relate completely to how you are feeling. I recently got to the point where my craving to have my life back finally got stronger than my craving for the hydrocodone, and though I'm still in the infancy of my clean time, it is feeling pretty darn good to know that I am on the way to getting my life back.
I too had back surgery, though not nearly as extensive as yours. I am finding that now that I am off the pain meds, my back pain is lower than it was when I was taking them. I can't figure it out, but that is the case.
For a long time I tried to fight my addiction by taking the meds for pain without abusing them, but I lost that battle too many times, so decided to just stop. I'm not sure if that is an option for you, it sounds like you are in a lot of pain still. Just try to be honest and gentle with yourself, and know that from now on, you have us here to connect with while you walk the path to getting your Self back again.
Please keep posting...we all benefit from each and every post!
I remember the surprise at finding this place, full of compassionate, non judgemental people who understood and would speak truth without condemnation...it blew my mind, and still does!

love,
WW

[mickytim]

I trully am choked right now!

Lifes to good to check out or stop trying to win my life back.

I'm a LUCKY LUCKY man in that I haven't lost everything and actually have a family that wants the best for me a knows that it can happen, but I'm also a LUCKY LUCKY man in that someone heard me! Thank you WW

PEACE OUT

mickytim

[Kerrie]

Hi friends. Boy do I get tired Milo. I make my granbabies take a nap everyday mainly so I can lay down. I don't feel like watching kids but the way the economy is, my kids can't afford these daycares. Not to mention I don't trust just anybody with my babies. But I get so tired and weak. I find it somedays so hard to get out of bed just from being wore out. These meds are suppose to make me a new woman. That would be nice but I think the old one is going to win out. I feel like my problems stem from having intestine removed during two surgeries, in order to make a continent urostomy pouch. But the gastro doc seems to think it could be the Amyloidosis still.ut , like you, I'm trying to not let it rule my life. I'll keep you informed.

[Kerrie]

Hi Jenny. I meant to post with the one to Milo but it posted before I was done. I appreciate your concerns. I hope this finds things looking up for you. I'll make this one was short as I need to get to bed. God Bless you and everyone.
        Kerrie

[mickytim]

Thanks WW you sound like a great person with alot to look forward to.
I on the other hand am a great lier when it came to meds but I never lied about the pain, in turn made more pain in my heart because I keep wanting to get off of them and Dr's keep giving them to me because they know the pain is real and I'm diffently addicted to them but they feel that is the only recourse because there are no more operations in my future.

It has come full circle WW, because now my daughter is going into HS and with everything out there, I feel, that If I don't make an example now, I'll possibly lose her to the, "well you do it" sindrome.

The hardest thing in the world was that my child saw me as vulnerable and down, addicted, and lost( I'm sorry this hurts me so much to write this and live this ), she has been through this with me and encourages me everyday, A KID, 13, with stength like that, and then to see me detox cold turkey and sit there with me (off the oxys), telling me everyday she's proud of me !!!!( this hurts to much to finish see ya later

[jennyfla]

Thanks for thinking of me sweetie!
I hope you're feeling better soon!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

That's ok, allow yourself the time to grieve for the person inside you who was lost for a long time.  But think ahead to the future, and how bright it's going to be with this addiction behind you!
You have one heck of a daughter, and just by her seeing what you've gone through and helping you through it, that, within itself, is a learning experience.  Hopefully, through your suffering, she will escape the trap of addiction in her lifetime!
I fear it too, i have three children, they the poor things have two addiction-type parents.  I just hope they have more sense than their parents did!
((HUGS)) we're here for you!
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Wow..you have one hell of a daughter! I hope that she learns that addiction is nothing to play around with.

I should have learned that lesson, watching both my mom's battle and eventually recovery from alcoholism.  I don't know if I ever would have become an addict had I not been given the pills for the very real chronic pain, but an addict I now am, and an addict I will forever be.

How are you doing in your work to stay free of the demon? Are you taking anything for the pain now that you are off the oxy's?

love,
WW

[Milo]

Bless your heart -- hang in there, as distant as it seems, relief is possible. The problem is there doesn't seem to be a systematic way to treat these kinds of problems. I'm doing pretty well right now, but finding the right combination of meds was literally an accident. I know that tired, weak feeling is really awful. There were days when climbing a few stairs (to go to the bathroom of course!) was like a horrendous task. I wish you the best and keep you in my thoughts & prayers. -- Milo

[ssfr]

hi- just have a question for you- i know that there are many out there who have gone through methodone maintenance programs- i have also noted that these programs can last several years- my question is: does methodone affect the receptors the same way as other opiates?  what i am getting at here is, if one lets say took a meth dosage sufficient to obviate  withdrawal symptoms from other opiate usage, and took that dosage for several days- (long enough that if one was totally off all opiates- they would be totally detoxed- lets say 3-4 days i understand the worse of the withdrawal symptoms would be gone)- anyway- would 3-4 days of meth usage without anything else like lortabs, oxys etc- would that negate the  withdrawal symptoms of the oxys etc?  i really want to get clean- and have an opportunity to get a few meth tabs- i am told you dont get high on them- which is exactly what i want- i just  want them to help me so i wont suffer withdrawals so badly while getting clean- any comments and suggestions would be appreciated. thanx

[Witchywoman]

Others have posted here saying that they have successfully used Methadone for a few days to withdraw from Heroin, but I personally haven't got any experience with it. I am sure some others on the board will have more of an ability to help you with this question.

Good luck to you in your detox, and please keep us posted!

WW