Ok, I can admit I was addicted.

[trdofbeingtrd]

The reason I can admit this, is because tonight, I feel........regular almost. I swear to everything I am not bragging and I hope no one in here gets mad at me. My body has always recovered unbelievably. I still feel a little lathargic, and just today I got this weird cough, like nothing is coming up, but just randomly I cough. Also, without the immodium, my stomach is all pissed off. Other than that, it's like I have a cold, not the flu.

When I first came on, I said it was really only because of the WD's that I wanted more. Well, I have been sick with colds, and it's not really anything terrible to put up with. I still want them though.

I can't imagine taking them after going through ( and I know there is more because of endorphines ect....) the first two days and the start of today, and wanting to put myself through that again.

I think that when I have my wife go with me to the doctor on the 8th, I will be telling him that I am fine, well, not fine, but that I am ready to be released from workers comp. I still feel pain, and I know it's not all from the WD's either, because it's the same pain in the same area I felt the day I was hurt. However, if I was able to go through these three days without pain pills other than over the counter motrin, then I guess I can go through life the same way.

I am sure, there will be more waves to come of feeling yuck, but, I will get through them. Now that I don't feel terrible 100% of the time, I can go back to doing what I was on here, which is helping others.

Before I stopped, I went to many communities, and if I had experience in something, I would help, when I stopped the pills, it was all about me, I went from trying to help a ton of people, to helping none.

I will stay on this community and check in letting people know how I am, or if something comes up, but reading some posts today, as long as I stay away from those pills, I have nothing compared to some in here. My heart goes out to all of them, and especially the guy today. Feeling as good as I do, I owe my wife some love.

Thank you, I appreciate all of the help then, and what I will get in the future. I am NOT a AA/NA person, but I can come here to talk to all of you.

[trdofbeingtrd]

I am looking over my choices, but after yesterday, I am thinking it has to be person to person/s kind of thing. I don't lie as a rule, almost ever, but then again, I don't tell the truth sometimes. I cheated on my goals, so, yeah, I need some type of aftercare. I am looking into the local stuff today, until I can find a good place, this is where I will be doing it.

[Katrina81]

Have you thought about atleast doing meetings online? They do have them. Its not a substiute for human contact, but IMO it is better than nothing, right? Check it out bud, and see what ya think. I did two of these while I was in the midst of wd's and they helped me atleast stay headstrong. Let me know what ya think bro-ha! Talk to ya soon

[trdofbeingtrd]

Hicks fan eh?

Nothing wrong with humor, it's what makes the world go round and keeps people sane.

[dominosarah]

Yes i have a sense of humor, sometimes a rather twisted one at that!!!

[trdofbeingtrd]

LOL
AAHAHAHAH

Ok, ok, you do have a good sense of humor, and I would almost say you are more comical than I.

Yes, from Gnarly, Fluffy, and you, I will look into it, AND, let you all know which one looks great.

[dominosarah]

My talents are endless~~~

If NA/AA isnt for you then that is okay.  There are other groups out there.  Call around and see what is available to you in your area.

[trdofbeingtrd]

hehe, I like your name

I can try the drug group run meetings, that would be cool. That is a great suggestion :-)

It works both ways, feel free to message me.

[trdofbeingtrd]

How did you breathe?

Sorry, sorry, that is my terrible humor.

Seriously, I get what you are saying. Some kind of aftercare, Gnarly told me about a substance abuse counselor, what else is thee besides NA and that? Well, actually I got no beef with a substance abuse counselor.

[fluffy215]

Glad to hear that you are doing better. I'm with you on the N/A, A/A mtg. tried them, but to religious for me, I do believe in a higher power. Have u tried to find a group run meeting, from a drug rehab? I go to several at the methadone clinic I'm stuck going to for now. Or perhaps just try to find some people on here that u think u can relate too. This helps me.
Feel free to get in touch with me.

[dominosarah]

A very wise person told me one night to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth, and i did, and i have learned a few things.

[dominosarah]

Head up my friend......no looking at the ground.  We arent trying to be downers about this, we have just experienced this and we want to save others from the same crap we have done.

[trdofbeingtrd]

Yes, I was the racoon. No, I don't have the tools to stay clean. Yes, I would have taken it. Oh, and the short answers are more of a looking at the ground answering because I see both of your points.

[dominosarah]

Gnarly covered the recovery care so i am going to address something different......I am thrilled you made it thru wd's like you did but honestly this was the easy part, the hard part is staying clean.  Once we put down the pills it isnt over, it is only the beginning.  You will go thru a real happy period where you feel you have conquered the world.  This is called the Pink Cloud Effect, most of us experience this.  After that reality sets in and all of a sudden the beast that lives in your head starts banging around and that addict thinking comes back. Wasnt it you last night who got your hand caught thinking you had spotted a pill?  What would you of done had it been one?  Do you have the tools you need to stay clean?

[trdofbeingtrd]

Something I learned when I was a young teen, is if you listen to wisdom, you become wise.

I truly believe that I don't want to be where you have been, you have to much experience and wisdom over me......oh, and knowledge for me to ignore the warning.

How about this, I use this place as my NA. I am a theist and to a point a christian, but I don't buy into many "religious" views in AA and NA.

Please let me know some other types of after care if this place is not a good enough substitution for NA.

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude good to here your starting to feel a little better but what disturbed  me about your post was the in caps part about im not an A/A or N/A person.....most of us wernt eather till we became addicts.....getting clean is ez it just takes a week of being sick its staying clean that takes all the work ....first thing you need to know is the pills wernt the problem the addicted brain was and that wont just go away on its own this is a desiese and it requires treatment
the very way we think needs to change now your right N/A isent for everybody but there are addiction conslors and therapist out there to... the reason we speek so highly about N/A and A/A is so many of our members have done so well with these programs and there both free
the statistic show that less the 10% of the people will make it a yr clean without some form of aftercare this a critical step to recovery you may want to give a meeting a try I did 5yr9mo ago when I gave up weed Alcohol and everything else recreational the program works if you work it I only wish I would have giving up the methadone at the same time but I has a few more yrs of living in denile today I got 471 days clean on that and I oo every bit of it to aftercare.....ask anyone on this forum with significant clean time how they do it and they will all tell you with aftercare....I started at 30 yrs old with a back ingery im 48 now I road those pills for 10yrs then on to methadone you dont want to go where I been please listen to me on this one it all part of recovery good luck and God bless......Gnarly      

[trdofbeingtrd]

Thank you. I still don't know what I have, and because of circumstances, I might not ever know. The x-rays shows nothing wrong, the CS shows something wrong. No MRI.

IT is encouraging to know others have had went through this, although I wish they didn't have to.

If you take the medication right, you might not have a problem........then again, I shouldn't give this advice, there are some great people on here who are way better at it.

Thanks again :-)

[Princessey]

I know how you feel. I was hurt at work, I worked as a x-ray tech for over 10 years. I messed my neck up. Comp was BS to deal with and I walked around with an undiagnosed spinal cord injury (which should have left me unable to walk) for over a year. Of course by then comp refused to pay a dime. I had surgery, went back to work and dealt with the pain---MISERY. Almost a year later I started getting sick and was finally diagnosed with an auto-immune disease and Fibromyalgia. My auto immune disease has attacked multiple organs/joints and some days I feel that I can't go on. I have been taking pain meds on and off since the injury but for the last 10 or so months have taken them daily. I am soooo scared of getting addicted. I know I am physically dependent, I have had wd symptoms. We are between a rock and hard place....the very thing that has the power to give us our life back also has the power to completely destroy it. It *****. I want you to know that you are not alone. I was very depressed for a very long time. I am a single mother and went for 6 months with no income what-so-ever. Then for 2 years I lived on $400 a month. Through the grace of God and help from my parents I made it. You will too.

[trdofbeingtrd]

Here is the kicker, when I had to move from my wife and I living in our own home to my in-laws because we couldn't pay the rent on her job only I called two weeks before my workers compensation checks would stop and BEGGED four people from my work to PLEASE give me a personal leave of absence in hopes of being hired for any position that went by my work limits, and every single one of those people said "the store manager is out and only he or higher up than him can give that personal leave of absence" so I begged for a number of any higher up and no joking every single one of them including their human resources and corporate office would not give me a number of a higher up and my store assistant manager told me they didn't have any numbers for district managers or higher, so I HAD to resign. Honestly, they didn't have those numbers, so if there was a fire or a robbery, they had no numbers for anyone higher than the store manager..............really?

[Lewney2n]

It really pisses me off that you have to worry about workers comp while dealing with the pain and the loss of income and the trail of stress and bull **** that brings. Been there done that!! That is why employers pay the high cost for the w/c insurance! It amazes me.

[trdofbeingtrd]

Yeah, I figured that. You have a great night too.

[Katrina81]

I have two huge buckets of salt my friend! I am the salting queen! lol well i am off to bed. I am exhausted. I actually have a day off work tomorrow, and I am praying for a snow day so I can spend the day with my kids! Ohhh...that would be so awesome to have a whole freakin day of doing nothing but playing with my kids!! You have a good night hun....talk to you soon.

[trdofbeingtrd]

I hurt my lower back, but specifically my right side. It's the lower lumbar S5? Eh, the workers comp denied to date 17 MRI requests from doctors. I don't know what is wrong with my back. They are jerks to say the least.

Katrina, I want snow, trade me, please. hehe

Hey, take care of staying warm (of course you know how), oh, and you also know the value of salting after shoveling. And as far as NA meetings lasting longer, hey, you are with good people, staying clean..........cool. :-)

[Katrina81]

I am doing well. I just got in from my NA meeting. We were all chatting so much we ran way over our time! Just getting ready for this big *** snow storm thats coming our way....grrrrrr!!!! I am so sick of snow!!! My back can't take much more of the shoveling! lol

[Lewney2n]

Hey, glad to hear you are feeling better.  I wrote you a note on my feed before I saw this one. I'm not sure how I'll deal with the "real" pain that started me on this path after I kick this stuff but nothing can compare with the withdrawals. How/Where are you hurt?