Very Long Suboxone Withdrawal

[hopeless1977]

Hi everyone. I was placed on Suboxone over 2 years ago after addiction to pain meds. For the most part, I was probably on 8 mg in the beginning but over the past 6-7 months I would cut the strips by hand into two parts and then over the past 3 or 4 months I was probably taking an average of 2-3 mg daily (which I know is still a lot). I never tapered down knowing that it will be difficult regardless. Anyhow, today is the 17th day of not taking ANY suboxone or other opiates and I am doubtful that I'll ever feel better. I wake up everyday in a complete panic, runs, with butterflies in my stomach, my heart pounding and not being able to change how I feel regardless of what I try to think about (happy place, etc...). After sitting in front of the TV like a vegetable for an hour or so the panic subsides a bit but I have absolutely no energy I mean NO ENERGY. I end up sleeping again in the early afternoon which again ends in a cycle of me waking up in a panic. It's either extreme anxiety, or just no energy at all. There is no in between. I'm in between jobs right now which is helpful but starting a new training for new job any day knowing very well I cannot work in this state makes me feel like I'm even worse. I guess the worst part of all of this is the fact that I really don't know whether it will EVER get better. I'm already on Paxil I've always been on some kind of antidepressant so I can't start that regimen. I have plenty of Xanax (prescribed) but these make me sleepy (again) which doesn't help me when it comes to the fact that I have to actually start WORKING. Oh the horror of the thought that I'll have to soon start working in this state of mind. I'm so sorry if I've disheartened anyone. That's not my intent. Does anyone see any hope for me or could this pretty much be permanent. (The new me?)  

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for your reply. I am feeling better than the beginning during which I could barely even sit straight on the couch, and you're right 2 years is a very long time and I should never have let it go on for so long, but I was scared of facing what I'm facing now and kept putting it off. I think the worst part is not knowing for sure whether things will improve, even though I know they should. As far as the benzos at night, yes I'm sure they don't help with next day energy but I find I have the problem with no energy even on days the night before which I didn't take any. I don't plan on staying on them long since either way, I cannot get a full night sleep. AS far as aftercare, I've not been attending counseling or any type but I do eat reasonably well and take vitamins. Thanks:)

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for posting. I usually take 2mg now (of the Xanax). Not every night though. As far as nutrition, I had been eating well (my appetite came back although my energy never did). I'm also taking multivitamins and sometimes a b complex sublingual liquid. I drink water. I really do everything I can in that sense. I will try to stay away from coffee which doesn't seem to help me (I miss those days back when coffee in the morning would give me the "pick me up" needed to at least get through part of the morning. Energy drinks aren't helping either. I actually suspected I may really be sick so I took my temp yesterday and didn't have a fever ( of course I could still have a cold). I'll give the protein shakes and emergen-c a shot:) Thanks

[jifmoc]

Hi, I just read your last comment. Believe it or not, you are still detoxing and a month is still "new" in terms of feeling physically okay. Your brain is trying to adjust to life w/o meds. The mental definitely affects the physical. Subs take longer than oxy/hydro to bounce back from. And you were on subs for 2 years!!! That is a very very long time to be on subs. That word, patience, is what you need. Compare one month to the YEARS you've been on whatever opiates and then subs. Can't expect to feel good yet. You are better now than you were at day 2, right? So it does improve, it's just snail-like.

Also, tho you are only taking benzos at nite, that isn't helping your energy. Perhaps you can set up a taper program w/ your dr?

And I'm sure you've seen this on here a million times but what are you doing for aftercare?

[atthebeach]

Nice to see you posting an update. Congratulations on day 34.
You are healing. Please be patient with the process.
After years of using it will take time for you to heal.
Please be encouraged. Keep the faith.
How much xanax are you on?

Are you eating proteins, vegetables, fruits. Staying away from sugars
And processed foods?
Taking vitamins?
Drinking protein shakes & emergen-c?
Sending prayers,
Debbie

[hopeless1977]

I don't know whether anyone is continuing to follow this thread but just wanted update my status. Today should have been day 34 according to my calculations. Second day at work. By the way I work at a retail pharmacy as a Pharmacist (yes I know). I'm clean except for the benzos I take most nights of the week. Not all, because when tolerance occurs it's like taking nothing. Let me explain how the past two days have been at work. of course I spend the majority of time standing in front of the computer verifying meds and this standing is extremely difficult for me, of course it was not difficult when I was doing the same thing with my prior employer because at that time I was not going through this. Today was worse than yesterday. I just feel drained of energy and that I constantly want to find an excuse to either sit or lean against something because I have no energy and feel extremely weak as though coming down with the flu. I don't know whether what I'm experiencing at this point can any longer be considered "normal" because it's now been well over one month and I should be having energy. I eat well except for breakfast which I have to force something down my throat due to no appetite, which I've always been that way. People at work are wondering what's wrong with me I can tell. I'm just so frustrated that I'm well over a month and still feeling this way. Getting through a day of work is like climbing Mount Everest. I don't mean to discourage anyone in their recovery, remember everyone is different. Maybe I'm just always going to remain like this. In which case, I clearly have to quit my job since I cannot do this everyday feeling like this.

[ScarrieAnne]

I know this is an older post Amanda, but all of your comments to hopeless gave me sooo much hope. Especially when your brain is all over the place it is trying to fix itself, This I will remember and repeat everyday, especially when I forget what im doing or cant spell a simple word. You are such an inspiration. Day 18 and my biggest complaint is sleeplessness, but I assume that will fix itself in time, hopefully, Thank you for sharing your story, it really  really  has helped! XOXO Carrie