I need help!

[sarahemma]

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer in 99.....He was cancer free in 00....he had to have the cancer cut out, all the muscles on one side of his shoulder and a radical nectectomy?(sp).....He claims he has PTSD and radiation tiredness and is in much pain. He goes to three different doctors and they have given him so much medicine to include, butibital, adderall (which he took 20mg 3 times a day, phenobarbital,  Nuerotin, tramidol, flexiril, baclofen, sonata......He was a profession and ran a million dollar a year business and now it is all gone.....he is on complete disability, his face is disfigured, he has lost all his teeth , due to radiation, and he also suffers from depression. We have only been married for a little over a year and I love him very much. But a couple weeks ago, I found him with a handful of pills in his hand and he was passed out in the bedroom. His breathing was very shallow and of course 911 was called and he ended up in the hospital icu for 4 days...he claims he wasnt trying to kill himself.....he says he was addicted to adderall and that was his problem.....he has been real moody, in denial, mean spirited toward me and my family.....i also noticed that he is using a nasal spray and has ***** to tylenol 4's...and he has been taking them. I am terrified of his recent behavior and wonder if he should have gone into treatment for this 4 year adderall addiction and if the nasal spray isnt just an excuse to get the speed buzz.......he has transferred all blame to me and this is ruining our relationship......any advise out there.........thanks.......taking vows serious for better or worse......

[sarahemma]

thanks for your kind words........he has been off adderall for 3 months now, but remains on many pain meds as he is in pain from residual radiation treatment....He had more rads than he was suppose too.....question though.....we went on a trip a month ago and i noticed where he purchased two bottles of caffeine....is this just a replacement for the adderall....and he also has been spraying nasal spray daily....he has disenagration at the top of his spine and has in the last year lost his teeth..we agreed to get marriage counseling and i have agreed to meet with all his doctors to learn more about his post tramatic stress disorder because of all of this...so hope this will help....thanks for your help, ..any words would help.......

[sarahemma]

house, my husband has been cancer free since 2000...he was diagnosed in 99 with stage 4 throat cancer........he has a purpose on this earth ...he has also survived a bleeding ulcer and a collasped lung......he is a very intelligent man, ..great father to his children..........he has a masters in education, had a successful photo business for years.....now he is in limbo......he admits to being addicted to the adderall  (amphetemine) and taking 60mg daily sometime 80mg..for 4 years....now after finding him with a handful of pills, being in hospital for 4 days...this has been since january 26.....is it too soon for him to be well.....look above at all the drugs he was taking...........at one time......he didn't sleep well, he get 5000 disability but his mortgage is 3500......and he is always behind, daily thing....doesnt handle money well, has an anger problem....watch tv during the day  and sleeps late daily...read above please all.....i need answers...advice.......help..i do love this man....god help me!!!.....bless you all..........

[house1]

First of all I am so sorry to hear that he has stage four cancer thats really bad.
I'm not a cancer expert but I know stage four cancer patients don't have a lot of time.
I agree he didn't try to kill himself one of the risks of heavy drug using is respitory problems.
I would sit down with him and talk I would think that stage four cancer would put me into a hell of a depression state I think just knowing that I am loved by someone in my final days and that person will be with me in the end so I won't be alone would be a great comfort.
Wait till he is high and will listen to you and try to have a talk about your plans I would think that you would want to get things organized.
Again sorry he has stage four cancer.

[sarahemma]

I am going to teach, but i wanted to plead for more words of support when i go to my preacher for a talk today at 3.......I have been made to feel so bad...and it hurts...i was the one who found him with a handful of pills, and even though he says he didnt mean to kill himself (and i dont think he was in the right mind when he did it), but he was very depressed....plus taking too much addderall plus tramadol, butibital and flexeril and then passing out in the floor.....when i found him 1/2 hour later, he was barely breathing......in hospital suicide watch for 4 days...he claims he went through all the w/drawls then...................i have owned up to all of this as a cohort, cause i too like the occasional buzz from a t-4.......but i dont have them and dont need them.....i occasionally smoke marijiuana as he does too....it helps him with his appetite...and i do admit that i have been smokiing for many years.....but i dont do it when i know that it would affect my life........i go to work everyday , my house and bills are in order, and i love life, love god..........but he is trying to turn the whole thing on me........he is actiing very child-like and saying mean things regarding my family.....we only want to help him.....i have been through a abusive sexual relationship before this one...i had lots of counseling regarding this.....not only did my ex husband do this to me, my new principal at my school did this to me..and i reported him, went all the way up to the asst superintent and after two years of abuse from him, i am at a new school and I love it, love my students ...and they love me....it  is my calling...speaking of calling , i have to go...........please shed some light on this for me, friends.....god bless you all......

[sarahemma]

thanks for your words.........worried.....luckily my husband has a good disablility check.......but he has not been able to keep up with his bills......he is constantly late on his bills, mortgage, etc.....this is sad......he lives in one city and i live in another because of children....i have one more to finish high school next year and we plan to merge together......i am just concerned that he is not over the meds.....he says he has been through addiction to pain pills and gotten over that without professional help, so he can get over the adderall (amphetamine) addiction without any prof. help. His psychiatrist tells him what he wants to hear......my husband is slicker than a gravy sandwich when it comes to getting his way out of things........he often blames me for his problems.....i am a teacher and have to get up early, yet with him on adderall he keeps me up half the night.....(i am up right now, due to headache) but going back to sleep.......i have been under much stress myself, as he has gone to our preacher in our church and devulged my past as a teenager, with drug use.......this was the long past.....i do not do those things that i once did.....he accuses me of being an alcoholic since i have drinken alcohol since i was a teenager....now i am 47......but, i have a drink a day......sometimes none........sometimes two or three when it is girls night over here........he is so blaming of others....i know this is a symptom of his own deppression/ guilt..............did i mention that he like to have sex with me while i am asleep......i told him about 4 months ago it made me feel weird and not to do it.........i told him it was rape.......and it was like him having sex with a dead person.........he did not take this well.......but NO MEANS no........right........well back to bed for 2 more hours sleep, then it is off to 15 5-6 year olds.....thank god I have a beautiful class........thanks for your input......makes me feel better about myself...........i do love my husband, and i do think he needs help that is far beyond me.....he says he cant live with out me..................

[worried878]

He needs to want help....some of those meds he would need to withdraw from under a doc's supervision....sad story ...somehow perhaps he will realize he does have alot to be thankful for...u for starts...it is hard on men to lose their financial status...they are so much more proud than females sometimes...lots of support to you until he accpts the fact that he needs help

[rosebud66]

he needs help but until he is ready or admits he needs it there is nothing you can do except get help for youself.  that is very important.  with out a healthy you he standfs no chance.  sounds like he has been dealt a realy crappy hand lately but he is alive and that counts for something.  be sure and get yourself some help and support so when he admits he needs the help you can be there for better or for worse!!!