Its just getting harder for me

[BIKERDAD1963]

I got to say the physical detox is so much easier for me than this mental, exhausting and sleeplessness junk. I thought with the minimal physical symptoms I had during detox that this was going to be a breeze. I am so tired and exhausted that I actually have been thinking about when I use to use crank. Ohhh how it made me feel so good. I am trying to think about how my energy will come back eventually but instead of feeling incouraged I am very discouraged and I dont no how long I can wait. Its been 11 1/2 days now. I have been doing everything I can to get outside but the good feeling doesnt last long. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes fighting with all my will to be in control. I do o.k when my family is home but when I am at home alone I have a very hard time dealing with things. It has got to get better rite? I have given so much advise here and now i am wondering just how I am going to do this. I try to get motivated but that is even to draining for me rite now. My wife is very understanding but it doesnt seem to help much at this point. Why is this getting harder rather than easier? In 1983 I OD'ed and was sent to a hospital for detox. I was there for 3 weeks and when I was released i dont remember feeling this bad. I need help and dont no where to turn.

[DavaSage]

On my 3rd hydro (Norco 10) trying to hop off the mdone train.

Any advice on tapering ? Also taking nuerontin seems to take off edge.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

If you still FIGHTING with the pills in your house..GET RID OF THEM... FLUSH THEM...do whatever you NEED to do but don't have them in your possesion... that's just setting yourself up for relapse...

Don't mean to sound harsh... but reality is what it is...  If I had to "have a fight with my pills... and tell them who's boss... I think they'd win... hands down!

[mama23babies]

I totally relate to the being alone part. As long as my husband and kids are home I am ok,but when I am alone the anxiety and depression really gets me down. I am almost 12 weeks clean and still fight this battle everyday. I am happy to say that my cravings are pretty much gone now, but the mental part is so so hard. Hand in there. I am living proof along with many others on here that it can be done. Good luck to you!!!

[Jules1866]

BikerDad,

You rock! I really  get alot of encouragement from you! I have watched your posts for about 4 months now and if a bikerdad can do this, I can do it!!!!!!!! It is really cool to see you are human and do have weak moments just like I do.......

Please keep posting!

[corey411]

Congrats on the 11 and 1/2....probably 12 days by now. Funny, it's like when you ask a kid how old they are, we have to throw in that 1/2. You are still in such early addiction. You will begin to get your energy back but it probably won't be consistent. My today s@cks too. We somehow have to learn not to expect all feeling good days so soon. Try to keep busy and don't let those drug thoughts stay in your head. Post or go to a meeting. Everytime I have been in early recovery the mornings are always worse and as the day goes on I feel better. I am convinced that it is bc more endorphins get released as the day goes on and we are more active. Getting up and moving early is worth a try. I would get rid of those pills. You don't need to prove anything to a pill.....you just have to stay in recovery and focus on that. Good luck.....glad you are starting to feel better. Corey

[dominosarah]

If you still have those pills in the house they are talking to you.  You need to get rid of them ASAP.  Stay in the now and dont worry about tomorrow.  You will feel better.  This is all a process......Stay strong       sara

[whitie]

your story is not uncommon...... many make it through the first week or two than end up spinning out. thats the time I found myself trying to justify using.  " oh,I will be more responsible"  "" just a few to get by"

make sure you accept the fact that there IS NO REASONS, for using AT ALL !!!

look your demons(the 800 pound gorilla thats been breathing down your ***)in the face and say ........I have been expecting you !!  lets fight !! bring it Biatch !!!  I am ready for you today, tomorrow, and any other day,week,month or year !!!

each day is a seperate battle, that leads to victory.

its a war for your life.......no war is won fast, its going to take TOTAL dedication and ZERO comprimises.

there will come a day,soon when you will be smiling ear to ear  :]

[RoxiMan2009]

I hear ya man..day 18 today and I feel exactly the same. I can't simply find anything to occupy myself with that feels good. And being alone is the worst part, gets you thinking more and the depression plain and simply *****. But we got to remind ourself that this will pass and its only the drugs. Our bodies and minds are at war. A war we must win. Hang in there

[toxictome]

I think it was about 9-11 weeks until my energy level was back to normal. I worked out 3x week.....I had to drag my but there, but always felt so much better when I was finished.

Keep doing what you are doing...you will get there!!

I also did the Vitamin B drops.

Good luck!

[BIKERDAD1963]

Oh thank you all so much. I am feeling better. I am sorry about the whinning this morning but I was really struggling. I thought my aa meeting was tuesday but its thursday. I went out and got some more wood cut up. Felt really really good swinging that ax. I got in trouble for threatenning my wood guy who shorted me on some wood. Got the cops called on me but that just made me feel even better. No arrest just a talking to. I am going to pick the kids up from school here soon so I will have some of my inspiration back home soon. I guess I am expecting to much to soon. Going to go do some work at the church tomarrow to keep me busy. God bless you all and thanks for the rescue. I needed it. Oh forgot to say, I had a stare down with my pain meds for about 20 minutes and that felt really good too. Have no plan to take them I just like to stare and show them who the boss is. I have so many I could make a fortune if I had the bad morals to sell them. Told my doc i would bring them to him tomarrow at my pain management appointment.

[Weney3777]

Have you tried some of the OTC remedies? Like B vitamin drops, they really work for me. Maybe Ginseng? I'm sure some of the others can give you some ideas of what to look for to relieve some of your fatigue.

Feel better!

[Weney3777]

A good friend of mine, who is an addict, told me yesterday that when one quits drugs, there is an empty hole left behind. That hole needs to be filled up with something; be it God, NA, AA, or whatever you choose. Maybe the reason you feel alright when your family is home, is because they fill up that emptiness. Like takingaction said, maybe join a gym, walk, or jog.

Also, if you want to talk to your doctor and tell him what you are going through, he might be able to prescibe an anti-depressant? I am on them, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

One more thing...you said that your detox was 3 weeks long. It's only been almost 12 days for you so far. So, have faith! Best wishes to you.

[KiaKaha]

Oh our darling BIKERDAD! You have given me and my hubby so much strength in your wonderful words of wisdom... now it's our turn!  You are not alone. And although I can't even begin to imagine how it 'feels' cos I've been a voyer through this process, I can honestly say that you are thought of daily and we send you love and support all the way from little old New Zealand!!!! Day by day my friend. You can do this...you deserve it!:o)

[TakingAction]

Sorry to hear that you are struggling.  You are amongst friends who know exactly what you mean.  I too thought that if I could just make it two weeks...

Truth is, the work begins now.  Maybe it would help if you made some commitments to fill up your day.  I joined a gym today to try and burn off some of the feelings you are describing.  It is a daily process, but will get easier,

Don't slip.  You will feel worse.  Hang out with us and vent.  

Mat

[refusingbondage]

bikerdad!  I am sending you hope for strength and peace.  This is a long process with detox being just the very beginning.. The only way to do this is to just take it one day (or minute) at a time.  Do not think about how you will get through tomorrow - focus on getting through today. You will have really GOOD days and then BOOM you will crash.. its all part of the journey.. I wish with all my might that it wasnt so, but it is.  Try doing something active to keep yourself busy.. Maybe forcing a 30 minute walk or even an hour if you have the time.  ANYTHING to take up the time.. It seems our mintues are burnt up so easily when we use - looking for our fix, waiting for it, thinking about it, anticipating it etc that now when we are clean we don't know what to do with ourselves.. its like being born again - and relearning how to do EVERYTHING.  I joined Thai Kickboxing - 5 times per week at an hour and 15 mins each class..It helps with endorphins and to keep busy and to keep me exhausted.. (havent been to class in a bit but thats a different story).. Just hang in there.. You WILL have better days..fight for them..  Many blessings to you

[peaceinknowing]

You sound just like we all did at this point, so try not to get discouraged. This happens to the best of us, and this is what will make us stronger in the long run. I know that it's easier said than done for so many people... But just think about the ending and reward that we have for ourselves. Just to know that we were able to get through something like this without the assistance of any doctors or whatever - it's a miracle and nothing less than a blessing in disguise. You're doing what needs to be done, and for that you are very much so commended. Just know that I look up to you in all that you're acheiving right now. I'm always here for ya, "dad"... HEHE!

[10356]

I'm very sorry you are feeling so down.. this is what we speak of when we say the wd are the easy part.. It does get better !! battling ourselves is never easy.. we do regain our energy and enthusiasm it just takes time.. have you any aftercare ? When we are alone it is difficult to get motivated and not fall deeply within our own minds.. having others around takes our mind off what we are going through.. Have you thought of attending AA or NA meeting's during the day.. this might help you to find balance in your war.. hearing of others going through the same thing and the comradeship helps to keep us focused on the today and knowing we are not alone in our struggles is comforting.. Try not to look to far in the future as you will return back to normal life just a lil wiser about what makes you tick and this is not such a bad thing.. I to use to use crank for a couple of years.. I do not miss staying up for days at a time wired out of my brains.. Have you tried melatonin with valerian root before bed for sleep.. it was beneficial to me after a couple of weeks..when you get sleep it really helps the thought process and emotions.. You can do this. One day at a time.. lesa

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

P.S.  I ALSO was 'THINKING' about when I USE to use meth... and just HOW much ENERGY I (thought) I had... And... for a BRIEF MOMENT.. thought about getting some... BUT REALIZED that I'd be RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED (but..  WAY WORSE!)  
My feelings are that EVERYDAY THAT WE DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THEN WHEN WE DO/DID!

So we just HAVE to Say NO to meth/crank... plus that stuff is SOOOOO NASTY... It brings tears to my eyes just THINKIN what's IN IT!  YUCK!

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Hey hon.. I KNOW how you're FEELING!!  This LACK OF ENERGY and ZEST FOR LIFE is ROUGH, to say the least!  (I'm 45 days CLEAN)  And... as you mentioned...you're 'okay' when your family is home... (for me..it's my husband & son) BUT... WHEN THEY ARE NOT.. I just feel like DOING NOTHING... except...'waiting' for them to come home... Horrible feeling...

If it helps any... try to get out side as much as you can.. A little sunshine and exercise is good and has helped me.. ALTHOUGH, I find it SOOOOO HARD to even muster up the energy to GO OUTSIDE... but.. like I said... when I DO... I do FEEL BETTER...

Hang on to your sobriety.. and keep me posted cuz I'm RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!